What's Been Going On

• Baby M started crawling today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He'll be 8 months on Saturday and has been mobile for quite some time. He was rolling, scooting, and pushing himself around but it's just been in the last couple days that he has been up on his knees and today he went forward on his knees. I can't believe he's already 8 months old!!!!!!
• R has been applying for jobs like mad and did this jobs service that faxed his resume to over 1300 companies in his area of expertise. So far no luck but it's still early, hopefully interview offers will be coming soon!
• It's been raining like mad here so spring is in full bloom. The tulips are up and the rabbits are leaving them alone this year, the flowering trees are beautiful and the grass is such a bright color of green. I love this time of year, just bring back the warm temps and dry weather and it will be perfect :)
• Subbing has been pretty busy but I had a day this week where I couldn't find a job because I didn't have a car and needed to find a job at the school that I could walk no, but no luck. I'm busy pre scheduling jobs so that I can fill up May and work everyday!
• Little man has one more month of preschool, so hard to believe the school year is over, time sure flies. I'm a little worried about summer because he seems to really need the social interaction and activity away from home those two days per week. I think it's going to be hard having him here all day, everyday and adding a 2 month old into that equation.

I'm sure there's more going on but my brain is just fried right now, it's been a long week.

Are You Kidding?????

I didn't make it to the job fair, though I did get dressed up in my suit, print off my resumes, and drive about 30 minutes........then the car broke down. The car that my parents just brought down this past Sunday for me to use. The car that is supposed to be reliable. I was stuck along an expressway with cars zooming by, the tow truck took an hour, and then I got to ride with the driver back to where we live because we took it to the same place R's car was just at last week getting fixed. Life sure is super! So not only did I not get to the job fair I also missed out on $90 because I could have subbed today.

Job Fair and Career Advice

I'm heading to a teacher job fair today. I don't really think that it's going to yield high results so therefore you may wonder why I'm potentially wasting my time, it's because I'm afraid of always wondering "what if." The fact that it could remotely open up some doors or give me some leads somewhere is enough. There are going to be a lot of out of state districts as well has quite a few districts around the area in which we live so I figure it can't hurt to "get my resume out there." R went to that job fair and it was a total waste of time and this very well could yield the same result but at least I'll know that I did everything possible at the time being.

R posted on Link.ed I.n for some career help and there was a guy that contacted him that does this for his job right now. He's retired and has been highly successful in his career so now he's helping other people. Usually he charges for these services but he happens to offer it free to alumni of the university that we all graduated from. R was talking to the guy yesterday when I got home from work and then had another 2 hour phone call with him last night, only to pick it back up this afternoon. He's being very helpful and it totally redoing R's resume. Apparently, R's resume sucks and he's not surprised that he hasn't gotten a job. This guy's resume seems totally unconventional but he definitely knows what he's talking about so we're sure that the changes are going to help. He also told R about some different career sites that offer some pay options to get your resume sent to hundreds of potential employers around our area. R has gotten some great responses to use in interviews about why he's no longer at his last job and what he's been doing in the mean time. The guy said that he gives R one month before he finds something, we're hoping he's right!

WHOA

I don't even know where to begin. My mom confronted me today with the fact that she thinks R has narcissisti.c personal.ity disorder and my day ended with my husband agreeing about that and asking for help. I don't even recognize my life anymore, what the hell happened to me? I feel like I'm stuck in one of those dreams where you are trying desperately to wake up and can't. My mom also went off on me for R spending money on things like gas to places that are unnecessary, beer (before the incident), etc.... Also, telling me that there's a reason why none of my extended family has invited him to be friends on Fac.ebook. So yeah, total bashing R night and I'm stuck in the middle trying to figure out whether to scream and defend or just sit quietly. R is so desperate for help that he started crying and asking me what he should do. I told him to call my parent's because they seem to know what to do and what his problems are. He talked to them for awhile, e-mailed him mom asking for money for therapy and then e-mailed his sister apologizing for an argument that they got in earlier. He's as low as possible right now and I don't know what to say/do/feel/etc... Why does life have to be this hard? Right now I'm jealous of the people that have great lives and never have any problems (maybe they aren't real, but there are people out there that seem to have everything always work out for them) I'm hoping to wake up from this nightmare soon!

Weekend Away

I took R and Little man to meet R's sister and her husband tonight after work. I got a job in a first grade classroom today at the elementary school that I cancelled at on Thursday, it went fine and they were super nice so hopefully I didn't ruin my reputation there. I just got off the phone with one of my best friend's that I've known her whole life (she's two years younger than me so I've known her ever since she was born :) She moved down to FL and live with R and I for several months until she got on her feet and she's doing great and has made a great life for herself down there. I can tell her everything that's going on and not have to sugar coat or sensor the details. It was so nice to talk to her and here about what's going on in her life and have her listen to what we're going through. We chatted for almost three hours and I feel so much better. I'm a friends person, love talking on the phone and keeping in close contact with them, yet with being so busy sometimes sadly they get pushed aside. I should have listened to her though, she was the only one that told us we were crazy to move back to MI and boy was she ever right!

I'm really hoping that this weekend away will be good for R and just give me a break. I just have Baby M so I'll be able to have a lighter responsibility load this weekend which given the events of this week is much needed. We got the car back today and it ended up costing $667.65. R's parent's covered it which was awesome but I really hate at our age that we have to have help from our parents. My parents called and told me that they are bringing my mom's car down to me so that we have another vehicle to use because my dad finally got a new car. They aren't giving me the same one back because it's been giving the problems so they want to keep it close to home in case it acts up again. I can't thank them enough, but again, it's very hard to be grown in this situation and have to take hand outs from people.

One thing that's been bothering me is that I feel like I have to stick up for R to other people. My parent's think that he needs an interview coach because he keeps getting turned down for jobs. He's landed several jobs just fine but apparently now they think that he needs help interviewing. Maybe he does but I feel like I'm constantly having to stick up for my husband and that's not a fun place to be. I guess my cousin thinks that some of R's questions he told her he was going to ask during the Chica.go interview weren't good questions to ask, and apparently she told him she didn't think that he should ask them, which I have no idea if he did or not, so that led to their conclusion about the interview coach. The question that she didn't think was good was "Would you pay for my membership to ____ and _____ professional organizations if I got this job?" Apparently they are tight wads and don't provide pens to their employees without a bunch of red tape, but seriously would one simple question lead them not to hire R and go for the woman who had 12 years experience. I mean come on, seriously, was that the deal breaker. Are we in a day and age where people can't even ask information questions to possible future employers without fear that they won't get hired? I bolded and italicized woman because they are the minority in his line of work and he tends to get passed over for jobs and they end up hiring a woman.

I guess we are at the point where we just have to do whatever people tell us to do because then at least we can show them that we are taking advice and we can all experience together whether or not the advice pans out. I just feel like people who aren't in the situation and have no idea what it's like to be here have a hard time telling people who are in the situation what to do. However, I think that may be the answer, just do everything people tell us to do because apparently we are sucking at figuring it out so maybe our elders have a better grasp on reality and what we should be doing. It's really hard being in this situation though because I don't want to be in the position to tell my husband what he should and shouldn't be doing and I don't really want my parent's telling him what to do because I don't think that would feel good. Up until now I've tried to suggest things and not make it seem like I'm being the mother and telling him what to do, but I guess not that the end of the school year is right around the corner I need to be more persistent and forceful.

I have so much on my mind right now and my brain is just so tired of it all, I'm going to bed so at least I can get 6-8 hours of time where I can just forget all this is happening and recharge my body and mind. Sleep is by far the best thing I have going in my life right now, but getting to sleep is sometimes very challenging.

When Will This End????

So yet another rejection from the job that R had a freaking 25% change of getting. It was between him and three others and needless to say he didn't make the cut. They called and told him that they hired someone and it wasn't him. So much for being "perfect" for the job and having all the right credentials and experience. Why the hell do they even say that shit and get our hopes up, don't they know we eat that up and get excited for what may be the break we are praying for? This was pretty much the last straw. R officially had a nervous breakdown last night. I had to cancel my subbing job for today because I was pretty sure he was not able to take care of the kids today. We're still without a vehicle because ours is in the shop getting a new starter so I had to call the neighbor again to take Little man to school.

I called R's sister to get his parent's number last night because I didn't know what to do. He had some drinks and then led to pretty much drowning his sorrows in alcohol and then the rest of the night was a mess. The cops ended up getting called by R because he felt he was out of control. They ended up leaving him here but just tried to diffuse the situation. He feels terrible today and very sorry, he just doesn't know what to do. I should have known something like this was going to happen eventually because rejection after rejection is pretty much going to beat a person down until they can't take it anymore.

R is taking Little man and going to his sister's house for the weekend to get away. I'm really hoping that she or her husband can talk to him and help him out. He says that talking to me doesn't help him much because we're all in the same situation, which I totally understand. I don't have much outside perspective because I'm going through the same thing. Hopefully, they can offer suggestions/help/support which will help him. I will be so grateful when our shitty situation is finally better. I'm so sick of this and would give my left arm for a way out of this!

An Update

So our Easter was pretty good. We left Thursday to pick up Little man at my parent's and stayed there over night. On Friday morning we left to head up to R's parent's house. R and I went downtown in the afternoon and window shopped. When we got back we went running, did 2.8 miles. On Friday night we just hung out there and then Saturday R, Baby M and I headed about an hour away to a bridal shower for my friend who I taught with in F.L. She is from a town near R's parent's but she lives in Mary.land now. That was really fun because I hadn't seen her since we moved away from F.L. When R and I got home we ran 5.2 miles and it felt so good!!! We were supposed to go out on Saturday night with R's friend but that ended up not working out so we didn't really do anything.

On Easter we got up and went to church, just R, me, and the kids. It was really nice and the kids behaved perfectly! When we got home R's sister was there and we hung out, had dinner, and then packed up for our four hour drive home. We left about 3:30pm and got home about 7:30pm. We were going to spend the night at my parent's house again so we didn't have such a long drive all in one day but I found a morning subbing job for today so we had to make the trip home all yesterday.

Today was great because I got to the school, waited for my assignment (I was a floater sub, moving around from class to class), and then was told they screwed up, didn't need me and that I could go home and get paid anyway. It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I got home about 9:15am. The one bad thing is that our car wouldn't start right away, the starter is going bad, so I thought I was stranded for a short moment. On the third time of turning the key and praying the car finally did start. Usually I try to schedule days near the house so I can walk if I have to or R can drive me.

R still hasn't heard anything from the job he interviewed for so if they don't call by tomorrow or Wednesday then he's going to call them. The guy was on vacation all last week so he didn't want to bombard him with a phone call today. I'm praying so hard that this job will work out!!!!!! I hate not hearing though, especially when the guy said he was going to call.

Relaxing and Productive

I'm on spring break this week and so far it's been great! I made a "to-do" list on Sunday evening and have been slowly working my way through the list this week. I worked organizing and cleaning a lot on Monday and then took a little break yesterday and didn't do as much, then today I did a lot more spring cleaning. Little man has been with my mom all week so he could have a little spring break from us :) He loves visiting because he gets 100% of their attention and my mom takes him places and they do special activities, so it's definitely like a vacation for him.

Tomorrow we are headed to my parent's house to spend the night before we head up to R's parents. My parent's house is about half way so we decided rather than doing the trip all in one day that we'd just stay at my parent's and then finish the trip on Friday. We have to do the trip home all in one day because I ended up finding a half day subbing job on Monday. Originally I didn't think I'd find a job for that day since it's the day after break and teachers aren't allowed to take off but I ended up finding a half day morning job at one of the elementary schools. They are having meetings so they get subs to float around to different classrooms so that the teachers can attend their during the day meetings.

I have a busy night tonight though because I have to get everything packed so we can take off tomorrow mid morning. For some reason I scheduled myself to tutor for 3 hours tonight so I really don't have much time this evening to get packing done. I hope everyone has a nice East.er!

Pet Peeve

So throughout my life there is one pet peeve that really boils my blood. If you say you are going to do something then you should do it. In college it was the infamous "I'll call you tomorrow" issued by a guy. So not that I was super pathetic and literally sat by the phone, but I did get my hopes up that the next day the phone was going to ring and that cute boy whom I met the night before would be on the line. It happens with girlfriends too, you make plans to do something and then you never hear from that person until way later and she issues some lame apology that "things got busy." I'm sure you can see where this is going. R never got a call on Friday. The guy he interviewed with, the one in charge, said that he would for sure call every candidate on Friday to let them know their status before he leaves for his week long vacation. Well our damn phone never rang. I think I'm more torn up about it than R is, every time I think about it and I start crying.

Things just don't seem right anymore. I'm a little worried because all I feel like doing is sleeping, though I don't actually give in and let myself sleep the day away. I forget to eat because nothing ever sounds good enough to eat. Exercise has pretty much fallen by the wayside. I really have no interest in relations with my husband (sorry TMI, I know) I have spontaneously started crying a lot lately. This just freaking sucks. I'm not going to allow our situation to spiral me into some stupid depression. I forced myself to go out running/walking yesterday and ended up clocking three miles, one with a 40+ pound kid in a wagon. I don't let myself take naps or sleep in terribly late even when I do get the chance. I'm going to do better about eating meals and snacks and drinking water. I can't deal with depression on top of everything else we are dealing with right now. R has been so great, trying to help me stay positive and always there for me, but I don't talk to him much about this because I don't want to pull him into it with me. Just what we need to people who get sucked into a deep depression and can't take care of our kids. Hopefully, we hear something soon or get some positive news.

Scared

The phone is supposed to ring tomorrow and when R answers he has no idea if it's going to be good news or bad news, they're supposed to call either way. I just hope that they do indeed call and I'm hoping even more that it's good news. We really need good news right now, R more than anyone. We're really getting to the point where we might have to take drastic measures if this job doesn't pan out. We have no other jobs "on the table" and the guy we have our land contract with is being a big d*ck. We are getting a nice tax refund so we have enough to pay through May but literally after that we've exhausted every avenue. I'm really hoping that this is "the ONE." I'll update after the phone call. Thanks so much for all your support and prayers, I cannot say thank you enough!!!!!

2 More Days

Thank you for all your kinds words and prayers! R's whole day interview went pretty well and he's going to know on Friday via a telephone call if he's making it to the next round. The only problem is that the AVP guy is then going on vacation which is going to put a halt to the process for a week, darn people thinking they need time off, lol. So if he hears on Friday that he's made it through to the next round (I feel like I'm talking about Ame.erican Ido.l or something here) then he'll have another half day interview with the AVP guy who would be his boss and the the president of the college! When did these hiring procedures become so freaking long and technical???? So if he makes it on to that round then he'll probably have that interview the week after spring break, so around the middle of Apr.il. From there they are supposed to choose a candidate. Right now there are four people including himself and they are going to bring back two people, so he has a 1 in 4 chance. Don't get me started about chances though because he had a 50% chance and a cousin in law that worked in the university for the last job and that didn't seem to help. I'm definitely going to be on edge Friday staring at the phone every minute, but let's all pray for it to ring. All we can do is take one step at a time.

On to my latest annoyance, thanks for listening. So I was supposed to sub today for a teacher. She told me yesterday that she was "definitely" taking today off and that she would set things up with me later on in the day. Well later on in the day she left school to go pick up her girls. So I left all my contact information with a note that said I could for sure do it and she never called. There were 2 other jobs today that I could have picked up but I didn't want to pick up something when I already told her I would sub for her. Needless to say it's 6:30 in the morning and I still don't know if I have a job for today or not. Next time if I have this type of situation again I'm going to include in my note, "If I don't hear from you by 7pm then I'm going to assume you don't need me and schedule another job." Hindsight sure is 20/20. Spring break starts tomorrow so I'm not going to get a job for the half day tomorrow if any teacher wants to be paid for the break. If they take off the day before or after a holiday/break then they don't get paid so I'm pretty sure that my spring break is going to start early.

I'll for sure update on Friday with the news, keep your fingers crossed that it's good!!!!!!