August and Everything After

2012-01-01T21:21:00.003-05:00

I'm Back!!!!!!!
I am finally getting around to posting my progress from the last year on the resolutions that I made for 2011 :) and hopefully begin blogging more as I share my resolutions for this new year!

Progress from 2011

Take the G.RE and decide on a PhD program, possibly begin my program this fall. It has always been my dream to get my Ph.D and pursue a career in higher education teaching college. I am going to study, take and hopefully score well on my G.RE this year. I have begun researching what field I would like to get my Ph.D in but I need to finalize my decision and start the process to apply. With all the changes this year in my job I did not complete this resolution but it's still in the fore front of my mind and it will happen someday, just not in the near future.
Leave work at 4pm at least 3 days per week so that I can get home at a reasonable hour and spend time with my family. I work far too hard too hard for how much they value me at work so I need to make it a priority to get as much done throughout the day as I can so I can leave work at 4pm and not waste time there.- Quit that crappy job and took a new one, got laid off from the new job, and got another new job that is by far the dream job. I leave work everyday at 4:30 because those are my hours and in case I didn't make it clear enough, I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a sit down family dinner at least 6 nights per week. This is extremely important to me because I know it's so very important to having a healthy family that communicates and shares their days with each other.- We have been sitting down most nights for family dinner and it's been great! I am not sure if it's averaged out to 6 nights per week but we've had some wonderful dinner time memories over the past year!
Cook dinner 3-4 times per week leaving the rest of the nights to my wonderful husband. I love to cook and with everything going on this past year the job of cooking has flown out the window and it makes me sad because I love it and lately it's seemed more like a chore. I want to get that love of cooking back this year!-I cooked a lot more this year but I hope to increase it to more this upcoming year. I would love to tackle more of Rach.ael Ra.y's 30 minut.e mea.ls :)
Reduce my credit card debt by 50% this year. I will have to online tutor at night and sell things that are unnecessary to daily life but I'm going to vow to find a way to reduce my debt this year!- After taking a new job and working part time along with subbing, then getting laid off this did not happen. It's going to be a continuous goal for quite a few more years.
Run and workout at least 5 days per week. Even if it's just a walk around the neighborhood I want to stay active to help reduce stress and improve my health.- I have been working out a great deal and I think that I pretty much fulfilled this resolution on the average :)
Find a new job by the end of 2011. I want to find a position that will value my talent and be happy that I'm a part of their workplace.- YAY!!!!! I did this :) Not only did I find one new job in 2011.....I found TWO!!!!!! I am valued for my talent and incredibly happy right now!
Read at least 24 books this year. I am part of a book club but I really need to carve out time to read each day so that I can meet this goal- I am not sure how many books I read because I didn't keep track... whoops! I read a great deal but I'm not sure if I hit that 24 book amount.
Run a full marathon. I'm thinking the Charle.voix marathon since I ran the 1/2 last year and it was awesome.- I trained for another 1/2 but got sick and also didn't have the money to run it but this will be on my list this year!

So here goes nothing.........The New List for 2012!!!!!!

Run a full marathon-My husband and I are going to sign up for a full at the end of June and we have begun our pre training :)
Read 52 books this year- I love reading and I received gift cards for ebooks for Christmas so I am going to get started on this goal. I am not going to say a book a week because I just want it to be an average. I am also going to keep a running list so that I can actually keep track of how many books I read.
Reduce credit card debt-it's a continuous struggle with unexpected life events but I took on another job and will still online tutor to try to work on reducing the debt and saving for the future!
Drink 8 glasses of water per day-I don't drink nearly enough water and I feel parched on my most days because of it. My skin, hair and nails are in rough shape and I know my body needs the water!
Stop biting my nails- Now that I am in a professional job I want my hands to look nice. Due to not drinking enough water and constantly chewing my fingers my hands look terrible. I am going to really try to take care of my nails and cuticles so that I have healthy hands in 2012!!!
Have more sex- It's true......I need to have that sexual connection with my husband more because our relationship needs that intimacy. It's our 7th year of marriage and damn if I am going to go through that 7 year itch!!

This is the list for now.....we'll see if I need to add anything in the next couple of days :)

2011-09-02T23:55:00.004-04:00

Baby M is 3!!!!

So he's totally not a baby anymore. I'm going to have to come up with new ways to refer to my children because Baby M and Little man just don't fit, lol. We had a great day today. His party was last Sunday and of course he chose Light.ning McQ.ueen for his theme :) Today we went to the park, went to an indoor play place, and opened some more presents. We let the kids pretty much do that they would like for their birthdays so of course we had Happ.y Mea.ls for lunch and played a lot of games and stayed up late! Here is a cute picture of Baby M from his birthday. On Sunday we get to go to my grandpa's 90th birthday so we're pretty excited about that!!!! I feel so blessed to have my grandparents still alive and that my children get to know their great grandparents. It's not the norm these days for that to happen!!!!

2011-08-31T18:20:00.001-04:00

And Then There Were 9

Got a little bit of good news today...... They recalled more teachers and there are only 9 of us left that haven't been recalled. It's not great and I probably won't be recalled before school begins but I thought there would be more around 15 that were left. 9 is a little better than 15! I'm still hoping that maybe as the year progresses they will need teachers. Keeping my fingers crossed!

2011-08-31T13:37:00.002-04:00

Floundering

I'm supposed to be setting up a classroom right now. I hear all my teacher friends talking about getting up early, going to meetings, putting up bulletin boards, meeting their students, etc... and I'm home. I knew it was going to be this way but knowing and actually going through it are two very different feelings. Going through it makes me feel like a bit of a failure. Now I know that I'm not a failure so no need to leave me uplifting positive messages (not that anyone reads this anyway, who am I kidding) I really thought by 31 years old that I would be almost 10 years into my career and have some stability. Which I totally would have had if I was still in FL. Around this time of the year I really miss FL. Keeping my fingers crossed that something good will come my way. I'm so sick of being in debt and not having the money to support my family. I'm sick of feeling like I'm never going to be successful. Ugg...after writing this I have to pick myself back up and go on with my day because I've had my 20 minutes or so to feel bad and that's all I allow myself each day.

2011-08-22T15:18:00.003-04:00

Everything is Going to Be Alright

I haven't posted in forever....well like 6 months. It's not that I haven't thought about it but it just seems like it's been hard to say exactly what I was thinking. I know that seems weird but it's the best way that I can explain it. I have several drafts of blog entries that I haven't posted but none of them seemed to be right to publish. Now seems as good of time as any to explain my past 6 months.

Quit the charter school in February and it was the best feeling in the world.
Took a job at a public school and had the most amazing experience of my life being in charge of the math intervention program and pretty much doing what I needed to help the struggling kids without being micromanaged.
Got my pink slip and the end of April and hoped for the best keeping a very positive attitude because if anyone knows, it's me, that crying, feeling sorry for myself, worrying, etc... doesn't help the situation. It was far enough out and so much could happen that I have to say I wasn't really worried about it.
Had a great rest of the school year and was so happy that I was a part of such a wonderful staff. Said goodbye to everyone in hopes that a miracle would bring me back on staff in the fall.
Started collecting unemployment....it's $315 per week and will last for 26 weeks.
Had and am continuing to have the most wonderful summer of my life. I am truly blessed to have had so many fun times and memories with my kids this summer, life just seems perfect.
Mid July they called back 160 teachers (242 were laid off).
The beginning of August the situation really started to set in because I realized that if I don't get called back, which it absolutely doesn't look like I'm going to, things will be really hard come the beginning of Sept.
Went to the substitute teaching meeting at my local school district so that I could sub this upcoming year if need be.
August 18th they called back only 20 more teachers.......did I mention that I'm DEAD LAST on the seniority list!
Started finding a lot of jobs posted for the different school districts and have applied for them all along with applying for jobs that are in higher education.....the phone hasn't rung once.
The charter school people went back to work today and I'm still so glad that it's not me!!!!!

So now I'm at the point wondering what to do if something doesn't "work" out. It seems like though we've gone through hell the past 3 years.....yeah it's been 3 years!!!!!.......that things do always seem to work out. The problem is that we're so far in the hole from all the rough time that we've had that we have yet to get ahead! I'm keeping faith though that things will work out and that something will happen because I'm working so hard and have kept my chin up for so darn long when I could have just given up. I've been hearing of people left and right that are just ending their lives because times are tough but I know better. I know that even though things seem impossible that nothing is impossible in life. It may seem bad but if you stay positive and work hard things will be okay.

I'm keeping faith!

2011-04-29T21:54:00.003-04:00

Life

If anyone had a crystal ball in my early 20's and told me what my upcoming life would entail I think I would have turned and ran. I would have ran so fast and far away from life. Looking back on the past 10 years I cannot even believe all the events that I have made it through and surprisingly I'm still alive. I feel like I should write a book on how to get through life when the rain keeps pouring down and will not stop. When you keep repeatedly getting kicked down. The difference between me 10 years ago and me now is that I KNOW that whatever life throws at me I can and will handle. I won't just handle it, I'll man handle it and kick it back to where it came from, trembling from even stepping foot in front of me.

I got pink slipped today. I knew it was going to happen before I even interviewed for this job. I'm not worried about it because dammit I can handle anything. This is not going to make me sad, mad, upset, depressed, etc.... At this point in my life I say "what else can you send my way," "bring it on!" I will conquer any task, feat, problem, event, etc.... I know that this isn't personal and I will cross the bridge and figure out what to do when I'm at that point. There is absolutely no sense in worrying or crying about something that I cannot change. If I keep a positive attitude and hold my head up strong, I will prevail! It's just one more mountain that I will be climbing in this hike that we call life.

2011-03-31T20:33:00.002-04:00

What a Year!!!!

2011 sure is turning into an interesting year! Here's a little about what's been going on in our world:

I turned in my keys and turned my classroom over to someone new in February. I started my new job as a math intervention teacher at a PUBLIC!!!!!! school. I do math intervention for half of the day and the other half of the day I substitute teach in my building or in a building close to mine. I am in heaven and still can't believe that this is my life! I love my job and I love the public school atmosphere. I have had SO many great experiences and professional development opportunities in the past 5 weeks. I will be pink slipped at the end of the year but I hope that I get something for next year.

R had his business name and website content pretty much stolen by another business in our town. They started the SAME business as him with the name only varying by one word and changed two words of his mission statement to use as their own. It makes me sick to my stomach that people would do this. Our town in small and the last thing that R really deserves is having the rug pulled out from underneath him. I mean they pretty much stole his name and business and are claiming it's their idea and original content. We consulted lawyers and are going to try to avoid sending a cease and desist letter but it may come to that if they won't be amicable about it.

In more exciting news R got a part time job as an executive director of a foundation. It's a really great opportunity and barring anything coming up on his background check or credit report he has the job. It's just about 15 hours per week and he can mostly work from home! I'm very excited for him especially since he just took a huge blow this week with the whole business stealing. I just pray that it works out because our credit isn't completely stellar with the issues we've been dealing with for the last 2 1/2 years!

Little man and Baby M are doing WONDERFUL!!! I love them to pieces and I couldn't ask for better children. They are comical, have contagious giggles, and are so smart! I hope that I can spend the summer NOT working and home with them.

We're on sprin.g brea.k this coming week so I'm looking forward to having the week off. My mom is going to take the boys for a few days to spend time with them so we're going to have some time off. I'm looking forward to a little break and having time to read and get some things done around the house.

2011-02-11T22:53:00.002-05:00

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything went perfect and it's all falling into place! I'm so excited :)

2011-02-04T20:45:00.001-05:00

I'm a FINALIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The interview went perfect and I got a call back today that I made it to the last round. I have another hour interview and then I get to teach a math lesson to 31 third graders while being observed. I think I have this in the bag..........keep the prayers coming my way!

2011-01-30T21:46:00.003-05:00

Prayers

I have a job interview on Thursday and it's a once in a lifetime opportunity at a publi.c school. It's part time but it's a chance like no other to get my foot in the door and move into full time next year! Please send good vibes, prayers, anything you can my way because I really NEED this! Thank you sooooo much!

2011-01-22T08:15:00.002-05:00

Resolution Progress

Take the G.RE and decide on a PhD program, possibly begin my program this fall. I have still been exploring programs and talking with people. I'm really up in the air about this and will begin looking at GR.E prep sites soon.
Leave work at 4pm at least 3 days per week so that I can get home at a reasonable hour and spend time with my family. I have been pretty good at doing this but last week was worse because we had a late staff meeting and stuff come up so when things pop up it's hard to get out of there on time. Though I have been much better and I've been getting their later too.
Have a sit down family dinner at least 6 nights per week. We have been having a lot more sit down dinners and that has been so nice, though when R or I have meetings at night it gets more difficult.
Cook dinner 3-4 times per week leaving the rest of the nights to my wonderful husband. I have cooked so much since the new year! I made a BBQ chicken pizza that was SOOOO good. I've made some old favorite recipes but I'm definitely cooking more that I had been.
Reduce my credit card debt by 50% this year. This hasn't been going great because of the fact that we just don't have enough money for our monthly bills and I have not been able to get tutor hours. R has to get them for me because I can log on at 12pm on Thursdays. I'm at work and you literally have to get right on at 12pm and they are gone at like 12:01pm. I'm going to look into other ways to make money or start finding things on Craisli.st to sell. I am applying for jobs this weekend in hopes that I can find something that pays better!
Run and workout at least 5 days per week. I have done this this week! I worked out everyday since last Sunday.
Read at least 24 books this year. I haven't done very well with this. I think it's partly because I end up surfing the net or doing other stuff with my free time. I need to get more dedicated with reading!
Run a full marathon. I made my training program and marked the race day on my calendar.

So far I'm doing pretty good and just need to carve out more time for reading and couponing so I can save more money on groceries! I also need to find more time to tutor!

2011-01-08T08:16:00.004-05:00

More Progress and My Week

My career path is all over the place this week. We learned that our school that I currently work at may lose their busing services because currently we get our busing through the city where the school is located. They apparently are like 2 million in the whole and so they are looking at cutting busing to chart.er schools. This would cut our student population in 1/2 which means that our school would lose a ton of money and probably staff member jobs would be cut at some point. In addition to that craziness, the job I interviewed at before Chri.stmas just called me back yesterday and offered me the position. I hadn't heard from them so I just figured that it was not going to happen so that's weird. They won't budge on the pay so I think I'm going to turn it down because I can't take that huge of a pay cut. I've been thinking more about programs I could begin and R suggested maybe looking into MB.A. programs because they have great placement programs when you finish. I'm really tired of working with kids.
I left work Monday-Wednesday right at 4pm and it made this week so much more bearable because I did have time to recharge and I actually felt ready for the next day.
We had a sit down dinner 5 nights this week so that was HUGE progress! It's really hard when I have to work late or when R has a meeting. We are doing pretty well though!
I cooked 3 times so far this week and have plans to cook tonight so that has been awesome!!!!!!!
I didn't do so great on this this week. I only tutored one hour and then I forgot part of my time last night :( I also forgot to have R schedule tutor hours for me for next week :( This will be a work in progress and I hope to be able to continue to work hard on this over the next year!
I only worked out 3 times this week due to working late or R having meetings. I need to definitely carve out more time to work out and begin a workout plan.
I suppose I could have a new job by next week if I took this position I was offered but unfortunately I can't survive on even less money than I'm making now. I'm sure this is going to happen though because my school could in fact be laying people off.
I have time today set aside to read and I've read a little before bed a couple nights this week. I'm really hoping this book I am reading gets super interesting, super quick!
I worked on my training program and marked the date of the marathon on my calendar!

So in addition to everything that's been going on Little man had strep throat again this week and I had to take him back to the dr. He put him on a new medicine at my request so hopefully it takes care of it once and for all. In addition, he has a sleep study tonight at 9pm to see if his enlarged tonsils are affecting his sleep and if he needs to have them removed.

R and I sent a letter to a little cafe in town that is up for sale. We offered to take the cafe over for the woman and have a rent to own situation for awhile until we can buy it outright. It's a great little place and we both have a love for food and it's always been a dream to run our own restaurant. We were looking at that for our retirement but the opportunity arose sooner so we decided to jump on it! We'll see if anything comes out of it and I'll keep you posted.

I had a really bad end to the week at school yesterday so I'm so glad it's the weekend! I had two kids verbally fighting, screaming across the classroom. Another student throw a toy at another child, tip over a desk and throw a tub of books, another child have to be physically pulled out of my classroom by two staff members due to the fact that he wouldn't move and was blurting inappropriate comments, and another child get called to the office and yelled at about a cell phone and then sent back to class crying. This all happened in the first 15 minutes of my day from 8-8:15am.

2011-01-04T21:01:00.004-05:00

Progress

I've done a lot of research on Ph.D. programs since the New Year. I'm sifting through many options and still in the exploratory phase.
I have left work by 4pm everyday so far this week and I'm LOVING it! I feel like I have all the time in the world. My nights seem to last forever and I feel WAY more productive at work :)
We have had a sit down dinners every night this week and I've planned the meals for the week and did my shopping on Sunday so we're not scrambling around trying to "figure out" what to have.
I cooked dinner Sunday and look forward to making a couple more meals this week :)
I scheduled 5 hours of tutoring this week and paid cash for groceries, my Tar.get purchase, along with gas. I can't wait to earn more money and pay down my debt!
I ran 2 miles and walked a mile last night. I will be working out every day for the rest of the week!
My sister in law found a job opportunity for me last night and I applied last night.
I am in the process of reading my book club book but I'm not crazy about it, at what point do I abandon it and move on. I think I need to give it a chance and try to get "into" it.
I am going to plan my training calendar this week.

Here's to a great New Year!

2010-12-31T20:47:00.003-05:00

Resolutions

I think I have skipped this post for a couple years. After the year I've had I feel that it's fitting to write down some resolutions. I have come to the conclusion that I'm the only one who can control my destiny. I'm tired of just being in the back seat of my own life and letting others dictate what's happening in my life. Here are some of my resolutions for the upcoming year:

Take the G.RE and decide on a PhD program, possibly begin my program this fall. It has always been my dream to get my Ph.D and pursue a career in higher education teaching college. I am going to study, take and hopefully score well on my G.RE this year. I have begun researching what field I would like to get my Ph.D in but I need to finalize my decision and start the process to apply.
Leave work at 4pm at least 3 days per week so that I can get home at a reasonable hour and spend time with my family. I work far too hard too hard for how much they value me at work so I need to make it a priority to get as much done throughout the day as I can so I can leave work at 4pm and not waste time there.
Have a sit down family dinner at least 6 nights per week. This is extremely important to me because I know it's so very important to having a healthy family that communicates and shares their days with each other.
Cook dinner 3-4 times per week leaving the rest of the nights to my wonderful husband. I love to cook and with everything going on this past year the job of cooking has flown out the window and it makes me sad because I love it and lately it's seemed more like a chore. I want to get that love of cooking back this year!
Reduce my credit card debt by 50% this year. I will have to online tutor at night and sell things that are unnecessary to daily life but I'm going to vow to find a way to reduce my debt this year!
Run and workout at least 5 days per week. Even if it's just a walk around the neighborhood I want to stay active to help reduce stress and improve my health.
Find a new job by the end of 2011. I want to find a position that will value my talent and be happy that I'm a part of their workplace.
Read at least 24 books this year. I am part of a book club but I really need to carve out time to read each day so that I can meet this goal.
Run a full marathon. I'm thinking the Charle.voix marathon since I ran the 1/2 last year and it was awesome.

I know this is very lofty but I need to set my goals high and work to achieve something big and bold this year because 2010 was not my favorite! Yay, for a new year!

2010-12-28T08:45:00.002-05:00

No Call

The school that I interviewed at told me that I'd most likely hear from them yesterday.....the phone didn't ring. I suppose that maybe I won't have to make a decision or tell them no because maybe I won't even get offered the position. That is super depressing because I thought for sure that I had it in the bag. I knew that I wouldn't be able to take the position but it was still an ego boost to know that I had something else if I wanted to accept it.

I have been really unhappy lately. I'm so sick of feeling like my luck has run out or that my life is just totally sucking. I need to do something about it and I feel like I'm stuck. I am applying for EVERY job that I can and not hearing anything. Unlike R when he was in this position and thought he might lose his job he wasn't hitting the pavement and applying for jobs like I am. I hate feeling over qualified and wishing that I never got my masters degree. There was a small moment where I was able to feel happy about achieving my masters and being the first person in my family with their master's degree and now I'm wishing like hell that I could somehow erase it from my transcripts. How messed up is that?

I feel lost right now and I know that my destiny lies in my hands but I'm so confused as to what I want to do. I'm contemplating going back for my Ph.D. so I can get into higher education and actually use my degree and teach college but that's going to be a ton more money. I racked up so much debt just getting my master's degree and it makes me sick that I could get further into debt because I can't get a good job with the degree that I have. I also need to take the G.RE and that just freaks me out because I don't consider myself a good test taker and it's been so long since I've taken a standardized test.

I just hope that 2011 brings some good fortune because I'm really tired of having crappy luck!

2010-12-25T06:46:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone has a great and wonderful Christmas! Being Santa is A LOT of work! I'm looking forward to finally beginning my vacation because I've been non stop going for the past two days and it hasn't been much of a rest. I am so glad that I have a week to relax.

2010-12-24T08:17:00.005-05:00

Post Interview

The interview went awesome! I'm pretty sure that I'll get a call offering me the position, however, it only pays 30K per year. The insurance benefits are WONDERFUL and the school day is shorter. I wouldn't have to be there until 8am and could leave by 4pm. The kids don't start school until 8:30 and then they are out of my classroom by 3:15pm. Right now I have to be to work at 7:30 and can't leave until 4pm. I usually have 1-3 kids still in my room until almost 4pm. I would get a 30 minute uninterrupted lunch. Right now the kids have 20 minutes for recess and then I have to pick them up and bring them back to the classroom to eat for 20 minutes.

The downfall to this position as I mentioned is the pay. Right now I make more than that and we're barely making ends meet. Also, the drive is 20 miles longer and will take me about 15 extra minutes. I would be paying around $150-200 per week in gas because we have a SUV. So unless it paid about 35K I don't think that I could take it. It's disappointing but at least I was able to get an interview and had a chance at another position. Hopefully I'll get more opportunities in the future and won't regret taking this position!

2010-12-21T22:35:00.002-05:00

Interview

I have a job interview on Thursday morning. It's for another char.ter school about an hour away from where we live. I'm going to explore my options. I want to see what it entails and if there's any chance that I could move up in salary and drop some of the stress I'm feeling. It's been a month since my incident at work and I've been pouring on the sappy smiles and sunshine but who knows if it's enough. I'm feeling as though they are going to can me tomorrow. If I make it through tomorrow I will be surprised. The job is for 4th grade, which it exactly what I am teaching now. I'm just thankful to have an interview and possible another option.

2010-12-14T16:20:00.002-05:00

What If?

Life's a Beach gave me the idea for this blog post after reading her post today about one of her ex's. My story is similar in some respects but a little different. I started dating this guy in college and when I say dating, I mean we went out on some dates, talked on the phone, and it was semi serious. Not so serious that we were taking each other home to meet mom and dad but serious enough. He was 2 years younger than me. I was going into my internship year (5th year) and he was not even 21 yet. This guy was awesome though, super smart, charismatic, personable and treated me like gold. He was also unpredictable because he was still into the partying scene and drunk dialing.

I ended up meeting R and I kind of just stopped answering his drunk dials. He was also black and my parents don't have anything against blacks however, they didn't want me marrying a black guy. It was a hot topic between us and one I'm still a little bitter about. Society is more accepting of interracial marriages but there are still issues. I can honestly say that I don't mind and I'm totally accepting.

Long story short we started talking again back in 2007 by accident. He randomly instant messaged me by mistake, he was trying to talk to the person listed above me on A.O.L instan.t messen.ger. Turns out he's doing very well for himself and he's still a wonderful guy. The timing just wasn't right. I do think about the "what if." We're great friends and he's got a pretty serious girlfriend now and I anticipate him buying her a ring and proposing any day. I wish him all the luck. I got to see him for about 10 minutes this fall at a football game and it was great. I can't help but wonder.

2010-12-07T15:28:00.003-05:00

Ugg, I'm low

So things have definitely been better over here in my world. I'm really trying to stay positive but it's really, really hard. Here's a little about what I'm thankful for and the good things because I need to focus really hard on these right now.

Baby M, who like I've mentioned isn't a baby anymore will yell out at the most appropriate times "what the heck?" He has the giggle, head tilt, and sparkle in his eye. I know it's that's it's definitely something that he picked up from Little man and isn't great that he's saying but it's so darn cute and makes me laugh every time I hear him say it.
I got a sweet deal on the Leap.ster Explorer for Little man for Christmas, $49.99, originally $69.99 Ta.rget had it on sale for $10 cheaper and then I had a $10 off coupon. I was super excited about that!
I'm going back on birt.h con.trol. It's bittersweet because we were trying haphazardly to get pregnant and it didn't happen, thank god given our circumstance. I feel like once I'm back on I can quit worrying and just have fun with my hubby.
I went to my first cookie exchange on Sunday. It was pretty cool to go home with tons of different kinds of cookies. The hostess made everyone a really cool CD with all the recipes. I made yummy Or.eo Truffles for my cookie and they are to die for!
I got to read today! Even though I'm home sick it totally didn't matter because I actually read a couple chapters in my book club book. I feel like with all my work that I never get to read anything other than student work. It was so nice to "get into" a book. Now I just have to carve out time each day to read so I can actually finish the book.
My friend invited me to do a gift exchange on the 22nd. They found this cool website that allows you to make a group, put in all the names and e-mail addresses and then it randomly sends a name to each person of who they are going to buy for. You can also go on to this site and put up your wish list.
Little man got his report card on Friday and he got all 4's (Mastered) in all academic areas. He got mostly 4's on behavior with just a couple 3's. We're so proud of him. He's already in a guided reading group and is doing awesome learning his sight words :)
Christmas break is 11 school days away!!!! Our first day of break is the 23rd. It will be a short break but I want to enjoy every last minute of it!

I have to keep focusing on the positives because they are the hardest to remember and celebrate when life gets tough. It's really easy to focus on the negative things because they hurt so much. Here's to keeping my chin up and persevering!

2010-11-22T20:20:00.002-05:00

I'm Speechless

All I can do is cry and frankly that's not making things any better. Our fourth grade team got pulled in for yet another meeting today and there's just a few more things that we're doing a shitty job at. If I survive this year I'll be surprised because at this point I don't really see any light at the end of the tunnel and it's the worst feeling I've ever had in my life. I don't think that I've ever felt this much pain in my life. I hate being made to feel as though I suck at my job and can't do anything right because I'm doing a great job and deep down I know that I'm.

I wrote this on 11/22 and never posted it. On 11/23 administration wrote me up with a "final warning" before being fired. It was my first disciplinary action ever, let along there. It was for a bunch of b.s. things that weren't even true. I have until tomorrow afternoon to turn in my rebuttal, but I am seriously job hunting and trying to get out before they fire me. It's inevitable that they'll do it and usually they do things before holidays so I'm expecting Christmas break. I'm gathering and gearing up for a fight because they picked the wrong chick to screw with! I would appreciate any prayers and good vibes sent my way because I know that I'm doing a kick butt job and that they are bullying me and targeting me just like they do to people every year. I'm working hard to put an end to this nonsense behavior so it will stop.

2010-11-09T06:15:00.002-05:00

Take the Good with the Bad

Glad to see that I have at least one person reading my blog still :) The end of last week sure did end up bad but Saturday totally made up for it! We had Friday off from work, if we were done with grades and personalized student achievement plans. I was pretty much done with my grades and worked on my student achievement plans Thursday night with my team (M and S). I just went in on Friday to finalize everything and get situated for this week. So I shoot our curriculum person an e-mail about an hour before I leave and then head out the door to start my wonderful weekend.....or so I thought!

At about 3pm, keep in mind this was about 11am when I shot the e-mail out, I get a call from S. She said, "we have a big problem." Apparently our curriculum person came into their classroom and ripped into them like no other. She didn't like the goals that we used for their personalized student achievement plans (which we worked VERY hard on the night before) and wanted at least 5 of them redone. The problem with the whole situation was that she was a complete lunatic and very disrespectful to them. I think her tone and mannerisms would have been different had I been there to stick up for everyone. They are both new and I think she was like the wolf going in for the kill!!!! I was and still am very upset with the way that things are handled on the part of administration at work.

I'm not okay with having personalized student achievement plans that are complete crap (though I still stand by my work and don't see an issue with what we did) so I ended up redoing all 25 this weekend, hence my bad reference earlier in regards to my weekend. The good part though was that I got to be on the sideline with a fancy pass at our college's football game on Saturday! I got to meet an N.F.L.. player that used to play for our team and got to ring the touchdown bell with my husband. It was one of those moments that I will never forget in life. One of those moments that comes in close behind marrying my husband and the birth of our children! It was so much fun and I will remember it forever!!! I will post a picture soon!

So needless to say the goal that came out of this weekend was that I need to hit the pavement hard looking for and applying for jobs so I can actually be respected and valued at work. Our team comes in early, stays late, and goes WAY above and beyond what other teachers at that school do. All the recognition we get is being disrespected and treated like crap. My plan for the time being....slap a smile on my face, act like everything is GREAT, and apply for every job that I can even remotely tie into my experience. My goal is to have something new by January 2011! I'll keep everyone posted on how my job hunting is going!

2010-11-04T05:26:00.004-04:00

I'm Back!

Wow, really it's been since August since I've posted?!?!? It's one of those things that I've been "meaning" to get around to now for months. Things have been busy, wish I could say that I haven't posted because I started a wonderful new high paying job, or that R had finally got a job, or that I won the lotto, but nope things are pretty much the same.
I have a new position that is A LOT more work and the same amount of pay (not sure how that works?) and I've been working 60+ hours since the school year started just trying to keep my head above water but overall it's going well. I'm still on the look out for new positions and jobs that open up and I apply for everything but no luck. I was passed up again for 2 positions in our local school district once again because I have my master's degree. I'm really contemplating my new career move and going back to school because I'm totally screwed. I need to advance in order to because able to get a better paying job that's higher up on the totem pole.
R's business isn't going bad. He's gotten some new clients and one is ever a steady paying one so that's nice, though it's very minimal. He keeps VERY busy and is working harder than he ever did when he made thousands. He's also super dad and doing a wonderful job keeping the house running in my absence.
Little man started kindergarten and is LOVING it! We have parent teacher conferences tonight so we'll see how he's "really" doing, lol. He's reading at a level 2 which is pretty good for the beginning of the year and he's going to start learning decoding skills in small groups. Overall, I'm happy with his teacher. She's pregnant and will be going off on maternity leave in January so hopefully that goes well. He's a little too chatty and a bit silly at times but his behavior isn't terrible.
Baby M needs a new name on this blog because he's HUGE and so not a baby anymore. He can say his ABC's, count to 20, and he knows all his shapes and colors. He just turned 2 in the beginning of September and amazes us each day. He can now carry on complete conversations with you and just loves life. I love that I can come home everyday, yes everyday, and I ask him how his day went and everyday I get the same answer, "good." I'm going to miss the days when I don't get a "good" from him. He smiles all the time and is such a happy go lucky kid.
There's the quick update. As for smaller less important details I've started running again and I'm getting frustrated that I'm gaining weight, yes you read that right, gaining weight!!!! We're contemplating baby #3 but I don't think that's going to happen at this time. I'm really going to try to be better about blogging!

2010-08-05T21:27:00.003-04:00

Ready for a Vacation

I have two weeks left of my summer and it just began. I'm really excited because I'll be in So. Caroli.na next week visiting my brother with Little man and my mom. I need a vacation. Things are really starting to overwhelm me and I just want one week where I'm away from here and not forcing myself to come in contact with reality. Here's what's been going on in my world. I'm starting off with the positive.

Baby M is no longer a baby anymore which is bittersweet but it's amazing how much he knows and is able to communicate. He's able to do so much and he's so darn funny. Tonight he rode Little man's three wheeled scooter down the side walk with one foot on and the other one sliding along the sidewalk making himself move. He was actually using the scooter correctly. On Tuesday he peddled his two wheel big boy bike with training wheels all the way to the playground. I had to guide the bike but he was actually peddling. I just love this age!!!!
Little man is loving day camp this week. They get to do so many fun activities. He really is getting independent. He's in a hard stage right now and we're having a difficult time right now but he amazes me everyday too with all that he says and does. He's so excited for Kindergarten!!!!
I'm going on vacation. We are flying and renting a car and staying with my brother. We are going to visit Colum.bia and Charl.ston as well as Myr.tle Be.ach. I'm so excited. All I want to do is relax and read and try to rejuvenate for this upcoming school year.

Dryer vent broke and hubby didn't realize it. I discovered it when he was out of town on Monday evening. It was blowing moist warm air into our basement for God knows how long. It caused things to mold and mildew. I ended up sending a good deal of baby stuff home with my mom because she's having a garage sale today and tomorrow. Things got ruined and I was stuck here alone having to clean everything up. It sucked
I'm slowly coming to the realization that we aren't having any more kids. I believe in signs and I'm feeling like the fact that a great deal of our stuff for a baby was ruined just seems like a sign. Also, I was going over our finances are we are WAY too far into the hole to bring another little person into this mess.
I'm feeling really down because I'm working my a$$ off and I just feel as though it's for peanuts. We're still coming up short every month and I'm now trying to figure out how the hell we are going to try to ever become debt free.
We thought we had our fourth grade team set for this year but they are changing things around again and might be moving one of the teachers back to her old position and hiring someone new. It's going to be tough having someone totally new because there is so much to learn. Guess we'll adjust and figure things out, I'm not going to worry about it.

2010-07-31T15:25:00.003-04:00

Summer Begins

Summer school ended this past Thursday so I can finally begin my summer vacation. I will have three weeks of summer before we have to go back for pre service. Summer school was a breeze and I really enjoyed just teaching math. The kids made some great gains and I feel like most of them really are ready for 5th grade math :)

I'm going to fully enjoy my three weeks that I have left of my summer. We're going to Sou.th Carol.ina from the 10th-16th to visit my brother. My mom is taking Little man and myself so that should be a fun time! I'm really hoping to relax and get rejuvenated for the school year. I'm really starting to freak out about all the work that I have to do so I'm really trying to get some planning and stuff out of the way right now.

Last week the two other fourth grade teachers and myself got together to meet and just discuss stuff. We are all new and are all pretty unsure of the upcoming year. I'm not sure if I've disclosed details or not but we have a teacher that is coming from Kindergarten and one that's coming down from 6th grade math intervention and then myself. In addition the intervention teacher that's taking my job has yet to be hired. I am really pretty ticked about that because I really wanted to meet the person and hand them the reading intervention program that we are going to be co teaching together so that later on this summer we could actually get together for a planning session. It's not going to do any good to try to plan before the person has had time to delve into the program and just look it over. I'm not planning on going back to school until I absolutely HAVE too because I've been there for the past month.

So far it's been a really great summer but I'm looking forward to having some time off where I don't have to go to work!

2010-07-10T19:07:00.002-04:00

Life Works Out

So after my major venting session last post my husband acquired another freelance job which will cover some of our expenses. It's so funny how things just work out. We celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary yesterday and it was very low key. He made dinner and we enjoyed some wine, just perfect. I can't lie, it would have been nice to be on a trip enjoying some much needed time away with just each other but it was still perfect. We're trying to take a step back and just reconnect as best friends and lovers. My job has totally invaded our life and really wrecked havoc. I'm really hoping that I can be better about leaving work and work and not bringing the whole family into the drama.

I've decided that I really need to train for another half marathon which is in the beginning of October. I feel so much better when I'm running consistently. I totally meant to get back on track this week but with the extreme heat we've had (well into the 90's with very high humidity) it wasn't ideal for running. Summer school started this week so I've had to be to work at the normal time so morning running is out and by the time I got home it was soooo hot. It didn't even cool down to a reasonable temp before I went to bed. I know it's an excuse but I wasn't trained for running in the extreme heat, however I have an idea that I'm going to need to get used to it.

Baby M has Ros.eola and has been a BEAR!!!!! He never gets sick and is rarely ever cranky for more than 10 minutes. I have never seen him like he's been the past 3 days. He had the high fever on Wednesday and Thursday and then broke out with the rash all over this morning so hopefully we're on the mend. His fever got really high, almost to 105 on Thursday so we were alternating Tyl.enol and Mot.rin and giving him Gator.ade so he'd stay hydrated. I'm hoping that we won't have to deal with any more sickness this summer!

My first week of summer school was great! I could certainly get used to working 7:30-12 Monday through Thursday and then only teaching one subject. It's so easy to only have to plan for math. I have 9 different groups of kids based on their ability but I am only planning three different activities per day because we switch kids so I can do the same thing the second time around. The kids did wonderful this week and we had a great time. We have three more weeks and then we're done.

I'm so excited that we are actually getting summer weather this summer! I love the heat and sun and I'm in heaven. We don't have air conditioning which has been a little rough this week but I can't complain. Last summer was so yucky and we barely had any nice weather so I'm really happy that we've had some awesome summer days so far. It makes winter seem so much more bearable when I have this weather to look forward to.

2010-07-05T17:36:00.002-04:00

Patience

There is a reason why they say that "patience is a virtue." It's pretty hard to have moral excellence when it comes to being patient. I'd like to think of myself as a fairly patient person but how long do I have to be patient? I suppose it's a life long thing, just an overall classification of you as a person. I'd like to think it was situational, where in you can be patient in certain situations but maybe not have to be patient in all situations. Who knows what kind of patient I should categorize myself as, or maybe if I can even be considered patient in the least, but I'd surly like the situation of my husband's job to work out so I can quit being so patient because it's freaking exhausting.

I'm sure most of you know that my husband lost his job almost 2 years ago. He job searched for over a year along with entering a great depression, and then finally quit waiting for a job to fall in his lap and started his own company. I guess I realized that being patient with the new company was going to be necessary and I was just happy that he out of the depression and working his butt off on something. He's gotten one paying client and tons of really meaningful work that's gotten his name out there. There problem lies in that it's been about 9 months and he's still just had that one client and done some great work but it's all been without pay. Needless to say his bills are not cheap and I don't make good money.

I bring home less that $2500 per month and I have to cover EVERYTHING. When you sit down and total up all the expenses between a family of 4, it's anything but cheap. I'd like to think of ourselves as frugal. I clip coupons and spend tons of time aligning them with sales along with planning meals based on what's on sale. We cancel our Dir.ect T..V during the summer to save money because we don't watch much T..V. in the summer. We paid our car off early along with a few other bills to cut down on the sheer number of bills we have each month. I'm teaching summer school for extra money. The list goes on and on and I'm resentful.

I resent my husband for putting us in the situation we're in. I'm so tired of being poor and having to supplement our income by charging things on my credit cards. I don't want to live like someone on the show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" but just have enough money to pay our bills and put some towards debt. I've been having a REALLY hard time lately because it just hit me that our plans of having more children is not going to happen anytime soon or really ever. We had originally planned on getting pregnant this fall but frankly, that's just insane and cannot happen due to our lack of finances. At this point it doesn't even look like our marriage is going to survive so right now I'm just trying to survive emotionally and mentally.

I'm really, really, really trying to stay positive and look on the bright side of things but it's been too long and I'm tired. Thanks for listening to my vent session!

2010-06-29T17:45:00.002-04:00

Post Half Marathon

I am alive and I'm not sore anymore :) The half marathon was an absolute blast and though I thought my knees would NEVER be the same, just two days afterward I can walk normal and my knees feel back to their same old selves. Running that 13.1 miles was the most enlightening experience of my life. While I was running it was almost surreal, I had to keep reminding myself that I was doing it and that I was accomplishing one of my goals. Visualizing the finish line kept me going and I didn't allow myself to walk.

This was the longest that I had ever run in my life. Around miles 8-10 I had the worst stomach cramp but I made myself keep going and I tried everything to make it go away. Finally after drinking some extra water it quit hurting. Then at mile 12 there was a short moment where I thought I wasn't going to make it but then I reminded myself that I was almost there and that I couldn't stop now. I saw people walking and I just told myself "what's the point in walking when I made it this far." My final time was 2 hours 26 minutes and 44 seconds. I was proud of my time but I realized that in my age group I was 30th out of 36th so then I started feeling like I could have been faster.

I would love to run another half marathon but I'm up in the air as to when I would like to begin training again. A big part of me wants to keep going and spend the next 13 weeks training for my next one but another part of me wants a break. There is a half marathon close to us on October 6th so if I decide to do it my training would begin next week. I'm definitely taking this week off because I need a break, though I've had some cravings to go out running today, lol. I'm afraid that if I don't have a goal then I'll just let other things get in the way of my running. Plus I want to try to work on getting faster and working in cross training. I love the way my body looks right now so I'd really like to keep on going and pushing myself even more.

I have a few things to consider so I'll keep you posted on my decision.

2010-06-19T10:29:00.002-04:00

It's Winding Down

Wow, it's been way too long since I've written! We have 5 more days of school left, only three with the kids. I'm really hoping to have all my stuff done by Wednesday afternoon. That way I can get my checklist done and I can be done with the year and not have to come in on Friday. We have a first annual picnic with all the schools that are run by our management company on Thursday so I have to drive an hour and stay at the picnic for 4 hours, but that shouldn't be too bad.

My half marathon is one week from today!!!!!! I'm so proud of myself because I've been training for 13 weeks and I really have done an awesome job managing my time and getting all my runs in. Usually I have a hard time seeing through longer projects or tasks so this is a major accomplishment! Also, my husband and I usually train for things together and he isn't running this race with me, so it was all ME :) He of course is of course going to cheer me on but his foot is bothering him and he isn't able to run much anymore. He doesn't have insurance so we are unable to get him checked out.

I have my first 10 mile run tomorrow morning which I'm a little nervous about because the farthest I've run has been 8 miles. I'm very confident that I can do it though because I'm getting really immune to the longer distances and they don't bother me too much. Just a little update, have to get my "to do" list started for the day.

2010-05-15T19:15:00.004-04:00

This Will Be TMI

I pretty much stay PG on the blog but today I'm going R because I need to say this out loud, or rather type it out....................... I have no desire to have sex with my husband anymore. There, I said it. We get along just fine, kiss and hug, and have conversations. but the bedroom these days are just for sleeping. Well, we occasionally have sex, maybe twice per month. Something is wrong with me and I've been skirting around the issue because I don't know what my deal is.

We've been through some really tough times and I don't even remember when the problem began. After we had Baby M I remember wondering if I'd ever be the same "down there" again. Good news, I did heal and things are the same, well mostly. The desire just isn't there. I can't say it was because we had a baby because the first time that didn't happen. I know we were younger and had less stress but things weren't this bad.

I thought it was my birth control because it was progesterone only and so I thought maybe, well I was praying, that when I switched to my old birth control things would be "back to normal." Things were not back to normal and I literally could never have sex again and be alright. I don't even think about it, or want it. That can't be normal.

I'm not sure if it's psychological, the fact that my husband is the stay at home dad and I'm working, or resentment, or just stress. I can't even figure it out. All I know is that I breathe a sigh or relief when he says that he's so tired and just wants to go to sleep. He doesn't even try to seduce me or anything out of fear of being shot down. Lord knows I don't have the energy to seduce him. I've made myself just out of mercy. He doesn't make me feel bad but I do feel bad that I'm totally uninterested in sex or intimacy in general. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it!

It really sucks and I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I'm sure I could benefit from psychological help but I have to pay 50% for mental health with the insurance plan that I have and that's just out of the question. I've never had this type of problem before and it really, really sucks.

2010-05-10T21:59:00.002-04:00

Fired Up

I just found out that they fired my direct boss. J was the most positive person anyone would ever want to come in contact with. She was level headed and very easy to talk to. I know I could go to her if I needed to vent or needed support. She was hands down AWESOME. Administration never liked her because they didn't get to choose her for that job. Apparently someone from the head of the company told them they were going to hire her and from the beginning my stupid principal and assistant principal were out to get her. I feel so bad for her because she is a big ray of sunshine in a terrible storm. I'm actively job hunting right now because it makes me want to throw up to know that I work for such a smarmy company and have such nasty people as leaders. I truly hope that karma comes to bite them in the a** sometime to make sure they get what they have coming Hugs and many prayers will go out to J, she's one of the best leaders and bosses I've ever had! I am so mad I could just spit nails!!!!!!

2010-05-06T06:37:00.002-04:00

Day Off!!!!!

I'm so excited because I have the day off today and it's not a personal or sick day I've taken. We had parent teacher conferences last night so I worked from 7am until 8:15pm and so the day off today is a reward for working so long yesterday. Usually we get Fridays as our reward day but they scheduled professional development for tomorrow. I can't complain though, Thursdays seem like a more exciting day off because it's not an ordinary day to have off during the week.

I'm going to move on to things that are going on at work. Right now I'm a fourth grade intervention teacher at a charter school. Basically I go into three fourth grade classrooms and work with the bottom 30% of the kids in all subjects, but mainly math and reading. My performance is based mostly on a computer test that the kids taken periodically in math and reading. I also co teach an intervention reading program in the mornings. So I'm in the same classroom with the low reading kids every morning from 8:05-9:30 and then after that I bounce around to the classrooms to work with the kids in all the other subjects.

This whole year my co teacher and I have been talked to about our kids not performing as well as they should be performing. Which essentially equates to "the kids are not doing well on the reading computer test." Yeah they take some other tests into consideration too but that's the main one. My co teacher and I have really been pounding that test into the kids, closely monitoring them while they are taking the test, and having the kids set goals and get excited about their levels. All and all it seems to be working and we are starting to see the growth that administration wants to see. Just a little background information.

So over the past month I've heard from two people who have pretty important jobs, one being my boss and the other being the boss of my principal that they are moving me into the classroom next year to be a classroom teacher. I haven't been actually "asked" if I would but since I've heard this from two pretty important people I'm guessing that it's pretty for sure for next year. The thing that I don't get is that I know of two other teachers that have been pulled down to my principal's office and asked if they would either go from being an intervention teacher to being a classroom teacher or move from one grade to another. Just yesterday the teacher that I really get along with on my fourth grade team, we click and we are friends, got asked if she would mind moving to kindergarten. Which leads to my concern of why they aren't asking me if I would mind changing positions next year and they are asking others. It seems like it's already decided and that makes me a little nervous.

Secondly, I wasn't crazy about moving back to the classroom when I heard that they had that in the plans but I was starting to realize that there were things that I missed about being a classroom teacher. The shock was starting to rub off and I was becoming more comfortable with changing positions, until yesterday. I was starting to be okay with the idea of being a fourth grade teacher, I just figured they would put me in fourth grade because that's where I am right now, because I'd be with my teacher friend that I'm with this year, the one that I click with and am friends with. However, now she may be moving to Kindergarten, and they mentioned to her that they are changing up the fourth grade team.

Thirdly, the fourth grade team has this reputation of being the most hard core and overachieving in the school and I'm surprised that they would mess with something that wasn't "broken." Now though that I found out that the whole team might be changed I'm not so okay with moving into the classroom, especially into fourth grade. I was okay with it because I knew that my friend would help me and answer any questions that I may have, but now it could be all new people.

I just hope that I find out soon what the plans are for next year! I am a planner and I hate not knowing what I'll be doing next year.

2010-05-02T18:39:00.002-04:00

The Past Week

Here's what's been going on:

My throat feels like it's on fire and I can barely swallow :( I have a ton of post nasal drip but my nose is completely clear, so weird. Not sure if it's allergies (which I didn't think that I had) or something viral. Anyway, I'm contemplating taking the day off from work tomorrow because I have a long week!
Little man had his T-ball kick off yesterday. He walked in a parade, had his pictures taken, had lunch with his team and then played his first game. He had a great time! We now have games every Monday and Wednesday for the next two months. Luckily they start at 6:30 rather than 6pm. They are only supposed to play 4 innings or for one hour, which ever comes first. He's still into picking dandelions but he loves it and asks all the time when he gets to go back to T-ball.
I got blindsided last week on Thursday because apparently a substitute for one of my teachers had to leave early and they were planning on me subbing, only no one ever told me. They knew for over a day and just failed to let me know. Communication isn't that hard in this day and age, especially with e-mail, I don't get it.
I subbed for another one of my teachers on Friday and that was a long day! I was beginning to not feel good and I was talking all day long. That's the part I totally forgot about being a classroom teacher. You are using an above normal voice to a group of over 20 students, ALL DAY LONG! I guess I'd better get used to it since they are moving me back into the classroom next year :(
We have parent teacher conferences this week so I have to work late on Wednesday until 8pm. The nice thing is that we only have to have conferences with the low kids or the kids who need to come to summer school. Which means the teachers don't have to do as many, but those are all my kids because I have all the low ones. If we get all the conferences done on Wednesday then we get to take Thursday off. On Friday, we have professional development all day long.
I think I'm going to go to the chiropractor this week for the first time in my life. My back and neck have really, really been bothering me and so I'm just going to give it a try.
I missed my run today for the first time since I started training over 5 weeks ago. I'm really disappointed but I knew that it wouldn't be smart to push my body when it's already weak and I'm feeling like crap.

That's been what's been going on in a nutshell.

2010-04-26T20:41:00.002-04:00

Monday

Overall it was a pretty good Monday, despite being gone for over 12 hours. Here's the recap:

My boss was like a totally different person today and the meeting went pretty well so she must have realized that she was a total bitch last week.
My coteacher and I actually sat down and discussed our kids today, it was like the first time ever, so things are going really well with her.
We had a staff meeting that actually went pretty well.
I ran 5 miles last night in the wind and dark so I was hurting this morning.
Little man threw a rock playing around at T-ball and hit a kid by accident, it was not pretty. I think he's giving up throwing rocks! He was really sad that he hurt another kid.
We lost his bat somewhere and of course it was lost the day I took him to T-ball :(
Our grade group has a presentation to our school board on Wednesday night, yuck.
We paid off another small credit card this week!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't missed a day of training for my half marathon yet and I'm so proud of myself!
I have a ton of work to do tonight so I'm going to end my post and hopefully update later on this week :)

Have a great week!!! I loved getting comments thank you for reading still after my long breaks :) !!!

2010-04-24T20:29:00.002-04:00

I'm Back

So please browse my post on March 23rd ( I really just finished it today and hit the publish key) because it was one of the best memories of my life. I think about blogging approximately 30 times per day but I never quite make time to get it typed out and posted, whoops! Here's a little of what's been going on.....

I'm 30 and loving it!
I'm training for a 1/2 marathon at the end of June!
We have 39 more days of school left.
I'm counting the number of days so precisely because I absolutely hate my job.
I take that back I love teaching the kids but I hate everything else.
My assistant principal is not a nice woman and I have a meeting with her next week.
Little man is all signed up for Kindergarten next year
He's also playing T-Ball
Baby M knows about 70% of his letters and numbers and loves, loves, pointing them out where ever we go
R and I did a community service project today where we totally fixed up a senior citizen's house and it was one of the best experiences I've ever had!
R's business is doing well and he's rocking it out!
We got the biggest tax return and have paid off our car, some credit cards and a small student loan, along with socked a ton away in savings and paid for some bills for the whole next year!!!!!!
I want to open a book store in our cute downtown.
We're starting to prepare for starting for baby #3.
Our garden is already started and things are coming along nicely.
I'm reading the book Ea.t, Lo.ve, Pr.ay by E.lizabeth Gil.bert and it's really good.
I'm going to try to be better about blogging, my goal is at least one post per week :)

2010-03-23T06:06:00.007-04:00

The Big 3-0 (Long overdue)

So last Wednesday, St. Patrick's Day I turned 30. I don't feel like an old woman but when I say it out loud it seems so old. It was by far my most favorite birthday because of my huge birthday surprise which was orchestrated by my wonderful and amazing hubby. I was convinced that we wouldn't be going anywhere. I took him to Chicago for his 30th birthday but funds are tight and my mom's teaching semester just started so needless to say taking time off wasn't really realistic. However, he managed to work everything out.

I got a call at 3:50 pm on my birthday and it was him saying that they were going to be in the parking lot in about 10 minutes. I hurried and packed everything up and checked in with my boss who was in on the whole thing. My mom, the boys and R were out in the parking lot. We hugged and they wished me happy birthday and then R whisked me off to the airport........We were going to F.t. La.uderdale, my old home!!!!!!!

We spent three wonderful nights and two whole days back home, or at least it sure feels that way when we go back. It was amazing because we got to go to all our favorite places, mostly. The weather was just okay but I wasn't complaining. We were kid free and I got two days off from work. It was just what the dr. ordered because work has been insane lately.

We arrived late Wednesday night and just went to my uncle's house and went to bed. We had my uncle's house to ourselves because he's always at his "partner's" house and his house is like a 5 star hotel. We got up and went to breakfast on the beach Thursday morning and then went to my FAVORITE mall in the whole world. It had been forever since I'd really been shopping at a nice mall. I found some sweet deals on clothes that were on super sale. We got to eat lunch at my FAVORITE fast food restaurant Chick-F.il- A, OMG I LOVE, LOVE that place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That night my uncle and his partner came over and we went to dinner at my absolute most favorite restaurant in Sou.th F.L., it's called Hou.stons. It was a great dinner and it was so nice to spend time with my uncle and N. We called it a night after dinner and went to bed.

On Friday we woke up and put on our running gear and drove the 30 minutes to our old town that we lived in for two years. We ran our old running route, at breakfast at Ein.stein's, my most favorite bagel joint :) and then walked all around town taking pictures of everything. It hadn't changed too much and I can honestly say that I missed it so much!!!!!!

We came back and soaked up some rays because it was pretty nice on Friday. That night we met my best friend, J at the basketball game watch for our wonderful college. We belonged to the Sou.th F.L Alumni club when we lived down there so we knew a lot of people and it was a central location to meet J. We had a great time, they won, and I got to spend time with my bestest friend!!!!!!! We headed home afterwards and then hit the sack because we had to be at the airport early the next morning.

It was the best birthday ever!!!!! I love my husband so much!

2010-02-23T20:52:00.002-05:00

WHY?

One of my really good friends called me on Sund.ay night to update me on what's been going on in her life. She's moving back to Michi.gan so that was really cool to hear but the other part of the news totally broke my heart and left me pondering how bad things can happen to good people. She found out she was pregnant in the middle of Jan.uary. She was almost at her 12 week mark and went in for her ultrasound. There was no heartbeat and no doctor to talk with her. She had to go back the next day to talk with a dr and was totally left hanging. Her husband was back in Michi.gan because he had to move back for his new job early. So she was all alone in Chicag.o with a dead baby in her stomach and no one at the office could get anyone to talk to her. They just sent her on her way and made her come back the next day having to figure out how to deal with that news over night.

I'm the type of person that strongly believes in the saying that all things happen for a reason, but I hate that life has to be so hard for good people. Why can't life just be hard for those people who make bad choices or commit hateful crimes. I know if we didn't have to endure heartache and loss then we wouldn't come out stronger in the end but damn sometimes it's really not fair. I have several friends who are having great difficulties getting and staying pregnant. It makes me feel bad that it happened so easy both times for R and me. Does God really decide who has to endure pain and who doesn't and if so, how in the hell do some get chosen over others.

I have no idea if I said the "right" things to my friend and I tried to explain that I didn't want to hurt her more by saying the "wrong" thing. I told her that I wouldn't pretend that I knew what losing a baby feels like because I don't and I just tried to be there for her. I feel really bad and it really hurts me to know that I can't do something to take away her pain. I get so mad thinking of all the young girls who get pregnant by accident or the crack addicts that abandon their babies in the NICU, I just don't understand life sometimes. I feel the worst about the fact that my friend has to attend her sister in laws baby shower in a couple weeks and try to make it through knowing that her baby didn't make it.

Hugs to everyone who has had to go through this, I'm so sorry that good people have to lose such precious gifts.

2010-01-31T19:09:00.003-05:00

What's on My Mind

There are several things going through my mind right now and I'm to the point where I just want to get them all out, so read at your own risk.....

I'm a little under the weather. It's been the first time since I've been working at this job that I've been sick and really it's not that bad. I have been getting head aches, feeling really tired, having a scratchy throat that's turned a bit sore, and just felt weak. Nothing too bad, but still I wish I had more time to rest and just get over it.
I'm mad at my husband. When we met he chewed tobacco and then smoked and I didn't really like it but I would have smokes when I drank too so who was I to judge. Well since then he's quit chewing and smoking but when he's stressed or something is bothering him he starts chewing again. I'm pissed because he always keeps it from me and then I always find out eventually. Usually I say something and start a fight but this time I'm just keeping my mouth shut. It's impossible to have a conversation about it because it one of those topics that doesn't lend itself to rational discussion. What I really want to say is that I'm done paying for his bills if he's going to waste money that he doesn't have on that then he can figure out a way to pay for his stuff himself.
My mom took me out for a nice dinner on Friday night. The kind of nice dinners that we used to be able to afford, and it was depressing. It was so freaking good but it was depressing. I was surrounded by people that looked like they were supposed to be there. On the outside I may have looked like I was supposed to be there but I sure didn't feel like it on the inside.
I miss the times when we didn't have to worry about money and how to pay for things. I'm so freaking sick of watching my husband try to start his own business when I'm breaking my back trying to support the family with no help. I just keep thinking about that Aver.il Lavig.ne song Sk8.er boy, the girl dumped the boy and he eventually made it big. That's the reason that I'm still in this marriage. I know it sounds so sad and I'm probably the lowest person in the world, but it keeps my sane. I just keep thinking of how my husband might make it big by becoming successful and that I need to be patient and just wait for that to happen. Let me just tell you though this is the HARDEST thing I've ever done in my whole life. Every bone in my body wants to give up some days because I'm just so tired.
I have no sex drive. (TMI, so like I said read at your own risk) I really could care less if I ever have sex again. I'm sure it's a combination of my stress level, resentment towards my husband, and the fact that my birth control needs to be changed. I have my GYN appt on the 15th so hopefully I'll figure some stuff out, at the very least I'll get a new birth control option. I haven't had my period since November of 2007 when I got pregnant with Baby M. It's really weird because I was on this same pill before after having Little man and I had my period and I didn't have sexual type issues but this time is a whole other story. It sucks, big time.
That's probably enough information for now, if anyone has made it this far. Thanks for letting me get some stuff off my chest.

2010-01-23T08:42:00.003-05:00

The Longest Short Week Ever!

Work was a four day week due to having Monday off for the holiday, but it sure felt like a regular five day week! I'm now doing homework club on Tuesday nights, writing tutoring on Wednesdays, and math tutoring on Thursday nights. We have staff meetings every other Monday night so basically I get a break after school every other Monday and then on Fridays. My planning time during the day is taken up by meetings every day, so I don't get a planning time ever! This week was especially busy because I had to get assessments done and then pick up all the slack from our reading program because my co teacher had her baby. It was just chaotic. I feel like I have a TON of work to do this weekend and if I don't do it then I pay for it later. Does anyone have a 9-5 job, meaning that when you're done with work you come home and don't have to work at home in the evenings? I love having summers off, but in reality I've already worked all those hours I get off during the summer so technically I'm just being compensated for all the extra time I've already put in, I basically have a year round job, which a lot of people don't understand. But, I am SOOOOOOO happy to have a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to keep that in the front of my mind at ALL times!

2010-01-20T19:14:00.002-05:00

Wednesday's Words

Work is just insane right now. My coworker that I co teach with had her baby on Sunday so this week has been a whirlwind trying to figure out what she has and hasn't done. Needless to say there was a lot that wasn't done that we are trying to figure out. Her sub is great and we're getting along really well but it would have been nice to have more time to get prepared for her departure.

Speaking of my co worker, sh*t hit the fan the two weeks before she went off on leave. It was a total high school gossip fest and I was ready scream, well actually I think I did scream (into a pillow). You see we haven't had the best communication. I kind of gave up after she just did things without us discussing them first and deciding together our plan of action, and to top it off she's majorly controlling. It was just a disaster from the start. I tried to reach out to her via e-mail and she printed off the e-mail and gave it to administration. It was just a MESS but I think we finally got a few things ironed out and hopefully we'll make some progress while she's gone so we can get off to a better start when she returns.

I'm hoping that things calm down some now that the second quarter will be over next week but there's a lot to get done before then. I'm usually a VERY organized person but things are just out of control right now because I feel like I have no time to catch up. I've been working a lot at home and staying late at work. I'm just glad that we have some time the first week of February when we have conferences to get some planning and catching up done.

Oh and can I just say that I'm thoroughly disappointed with my O.lay wrinkle creams. My face is flaking and still very dry. I'm going to give it another month or so to see how my smile lines look and if I can really notice any other positives before I try another brand. I had Th.e Bod.y Sho.p sample face cream regime awhile back that I had forgotten about and I think I may try that again because the night cream was really great for my dry skin. The problem was that it was pretty pricey.

Have a great rest of the week, it's hump day!!!!!

2010-01-10T19:07:00.002-05:00

Secrets

So I'm not going to tell all on Face.book or announce it to the world but I thought I was safe on here to announce that I did in fact by two kinds of anti wrinkle cream on Friday. I absolutely did not think that at almost 30 I would be seeing anything that even remotely looked like wrinkles on my "young" face. Though, it seems that my face is not getting the memo that it's still "young" because there are lines popping up all over, mainly when I smile, but still. I just looked at a picture of me smiling with Little man in a picture that was only take 3 years ago and there were NO lines around my eyes, forehead, anywhere.....WTH???? I've decided that since I'm not getting any younger I'm going to experiment with different creams. I'm sure living in FL didn't help my face whatsoever either, I'm paying the price now apparently.

My face is very dry but there are several different things that could be contributing to my dry, just plain, old, looking face. I sporadically take my multivitamin (I know, I know I'm going to be better about that) and drinking water is not my favorite thing to do. I'm better about drinking water at work because I have it basically attached to my hand and make myself drink it but on the weekends I definitely don't drink enough. Also, about the multivitamins can I just say that my memory isn't what it used to be either so I'm taking the old granny route and putting them in a pill box and am going to put it in my lunch box so I'll remember to take them at lunch. Wow, getting old sure sucks!

I really didn't think that turning 30 would be any big deal but I'm really starting to freak out about it, I'm only 10 years away from 40 and can I just say the last 10 years seemed to fly by! Seems like just yesterday I was 20 years old and in my sophomore year of college. The fact that Little man is turning 5 this year doesn't help either. I'm going to have a child going to kindergarten this year!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I'll update you all when I find my cocktail of wrinkle cream that does the trick to make me look young again :)

2009-12-27T21:58:00.009-05:00

Christmas in Pictures

Our Christmas Tree

The boys in their matching Christmas pajamas

Little man coming inside after spreading his "magic reindeer dust" that he got from preschool (a.k.a. dry oatmeal mixed with glitter)

Little man with his Bakugan's from Santa

Baby M opening his Santa present. He really wasn't the least bit interested in opening presents.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! I will be posting more soon since I have the next week off from work!

2009-12-21T21:45:00.002-05:00

Staying

After thinking long and hard I decided that I was going to tell my principal that I wasn't interested in taking over for my coworker going on maternity leave. My plate is really full right now and I can't really add on too much more. She was understanding and I made it clear that I would love to help out but given my situation I just couldn't. She seemed cool about it and hopefully everything will work out.

I'm still not ready for Christmas. My mom was with me shopping this weekend so I couldn't buy for her. I tried to ask her what she wanted for Christmas by phrasing it "so did you give dad a list of the things that you wanted for Christmas?" and she replied, "I shouldn't have to give him a list all you have to do is pay attention throughout the year!" That was the problem with my mom growing up. She would file every little thing we said we wanted into her memory and then we'd end up with gifts that we no longer wanted because as kids you say you want 10 million different things in a given year. I'll never forget the sewing box I ended up with when I was in middle school. I'm sure on a random day when she was sewing I stupidly said I would be interested in a sewing box and she remembered. By the time I opened it I definitely didn't want a sewing box for a gift any more.

My main problem is that I forget....a lot!!! I swear I have a hard time remembering what I had for dinner on any given night. I chalk it up to being so busy and having a lot of things going on but in all reality my memory sucks. Now ask me all about my week at camp in 1992 and I can recall every single detail but I have holes for sure. So why am I bringing all this up???? I can't remember for the life of me things that my mom has mentioned wanting throughout this year. I take that back I do remember her saying she wanted a work out DVD but I'm not sure that's appropriate for a Christmas gift. I feel like that says workout, you're fat. I feel bad because I'm not really good at remembering things that she says she wants but damn I can't remember what I want let alone someone else whom I don't even live with.

This leads me back to the fact that I still have Christmas shopping to do and I'm not sure what to get her. I tried calling my brother to see what he got her but of course he didn't answer his phone. Oh well good thing I have a couple days to figure it out.

2009-12-20T18:36:00.002-05:00

The Decision

So on Friday my boss asked me to leave my intervention job and take over at the end of January for a 4th grade teacher who is going on maternity leave. They would get a sub for my position and then everyone would return at the beginning of March. The problem is I'm just starting to connect with my caseload of kids and I'm making some great strides. The kids I work with are the type that don't do well with change and take a LONG while to warm up to people. They like consistency and I've grown to love them all. I would still have some of them if I take over for this 4 grade teacher but the one's that I truly love aren't in that class.

Secondly, I am tutoring 2 days and doing homework club 1 day starting in January. I know that there is no way that I can take over a fourth grade class full time, train my replacement and make sure she's doing EXACTLY what I need/want her to do, and do the after school homework club and tutoring. My plate is really full right now and I can't take all that on. I also can't give up tutoring and homework club because that is one of the only ways we are getting extra money. I can't rely on someone else to train my person because if I have to return to my job 6 weeks later there are certain things that just have to be done and content that has to be taught. It would pretty much be me making the plans.

Thirdly, I feel as though they shouldn't have waited this long to start freaking out about not having this worked out ahead of time. Also, the teacher has been telling the kids and the parents that the replacement is going to be someone they know because they had someone in line for the job but it all fell through. So the teacher doesn't want to look like an a** if they get someone off the street to take over that isn't a familiar face.

Lastly, the teacher and I have totally opposite teaching styles and I'm not the type of person to take over for someone and just go along with what they have established. There are changes that would need to occur and I don't think she'd appreciate me changing her classroom. I can't deal with disorganization and she's the queen. The room isn't appealing to the eye and I can't surround myself with a room that sucks for 6 weeks. The kids don't behave very well but I can deal with that given some serious reteaching of the expectations and a consistent behavior plan but I just don't think I'm up for this challenge at this time.

I have to let my principal know tomorrow and I'm just going to say financially I can't swing it because I can't afford to give up tutoring and homework club and I can't "do it all." I have to look out for my well being and sanity.

2009-12-15T20:27:00.002-05:00

Reality

I know, I know I'm so bad about blogging now! Maybe it will be a New Year's resolution to try to post at least once or twice per week. I just go to thinking that maybe I need to stop blogging about our situation because I feel like after a year and a half that it's no longer a situation and more of our life or reality. So I think I just need to get over the fact that this is temporary and accept it as the way that things are. My favorite saying in the world is that "it could always be worse" which indeed is true so I just need to be thankful for what we have and build a bridge and get over it.

The holidays are totally sneaking up on me this year and I'm really not prepared. I'm looking forward to next Wednesday and Thursday though because I'll be able to spend both days preparing for the holiday and there's nothing more fun than spending the day getting excited for Christmas! I have about 1/3 of my shopping done and hopefully will be done after this weekend! I'm a little bummed because Little man decided that he wanted a set of Le.gos that is sold out EVERYWHERE! Oh well he really would be happy with any Le.go set so I'm not too worried.

I would like to thank Ally for the blog award! I'm so sorry that I didn't award it to others but times are definitely crazy! I really, really appreciate it though and I'm so glad that I have readers who like what I have to say. If I don't blog again before Christmas I hope everyone has a great holiday!

2009-12-02T21:01:00.002-05:00

Things and Stuff

I'm working so very hard right now trying to stay positive. I know that's the best thing and I'm trying to repeat that to myself on a daily basis. My mantra "things could always be worse so be thankful for what you have is on repeat." Here is an update of all the things going on.......

My old direct supervisor at work got promoted to assistant principal which left her position open. Administration just hired for her position from the person who was a leftover from the assistant principal interviews. She has very limited experience, in fact I've taught more years than her and she also doesn't have her master's degree. So in a nutshell I'm more qualified to do this job than she is, yet the position was never posted for us.
The kids I'm responsible for didn't do well on the first round of assessments so I got called into my old bosses office today so she could inquire as to what I thought was going on. It sucked because I know that I'm not doing a crappy job but the numbers kinda show that I am. She totally wasn't targeting me or thinking it was my fault but she was surprised and wondered if I had any insight. It's exhausting trying to teach really low achieving kids!
R still hasn't gotten any business since he's started his own business. He got sort of recruited for a job in our village but isn't interested so he's not going to apply. I'm just so tired of things.
A woman at work actually brought two bags of toys for the boys for Christmas today because her husband got them super cheap. I am so very thankful but embarrassed all the same.
Our kids are uninsured. We just found out today that the state screwed up and they don't have insurance right now. Dealing with the government gives me such a headache.

Does anyone have any suggestions about how to deal with things issues during the holidays. I'm trying so so so hard to keep a smile plastered on my face and talk myself into staying positive, but it's really tough.

2009-11-22T21:11:00.003-05:00

Frustrated

I'm in one of those moods where I just need to vent. So here goes nothing......

I have severely dry skin on my face, hands, feet, etc... and everything looks like complete and utter hell. My hands are bleeding all over because they are so dry and cracked. Not to mention I have this serious problem where I constantly chew on my hang nails and can't leave my hands alone. I've tried drinking serious amounts of water to hydrate my skin along with slathering tons of lotion but I just can't keep up with all the work that seems to go into keeping my hands or face presentable.
I'm not getting enough sleep because I work so much and tutor online at night and just have 10 million things to do. I really need to start planning out every waking hour so that I can get everything done that I need to and still be able to get to bed at a descent hour.
I don't feel like I can get ahead at work. Just when I feel like I'm making head way something comes up and I feel right back at square one feeling WAY behind. There are other things that are beyond my control and that really sucks because I can't control other people's actions.
My boss has been promoted and that in an of it self sucks but what sucks more is that she had no say in who they hired for her position. The woman has no elementary experience and no experience with our math or reading series so I'm feeling even more apprehensive than I did. It just sounds like a crappy underhanded situation.
I feel like I need someone to tell me "thank you" because I feel like I'm doing so freaking much and thanking people left and right for things they do for me and no one seems to be recognizing my efforts or the fact that I'm the one holding my family afloat right now.
How long am I supposed to wait for R's business to get off the ground? I mean how long until I just lose my mind and go insane from the stress of being the only one who's bringing money into this family. The pressure is really getting to me now as you can probably tell by this freak out of a post. It's the holiday time and we have NO money. Every tank of gas and every grocery trip is going on my credit card because we can't pay all our bills on any given month. It's more than exhausting and I don't know what to do!

I need to get to bed I'll try to post something more enjoyable soon!

2009-11-16T20:52:00.002-05:00

Starting a Business
I have so much that I need to update but this is a biggie.....R has decided to start his own business. Since he's had no luck getting a job he's decided to make one for himself doing communications and marketing. The only problem I see is that he's not making any money. I know it's going to take time but I would much rather he just keep trying to find a steady job, one that includes a set salary and health benefits.
I'm just so darn sick of this situation that we are in! It's noble to want to start your own business and I think R is talented but I just don't trust the economy right now and would much prefer something stable, though that's not coming around either. I'm so on the fence about all this, not sure what to think. All I know right now is that even though I'm working it's not enough and I'm really sick of paying R's bills. He brings up now and again that he covered stuff when he was working and I stayed home, but I am quick to point out that I online tutored and covered EVERY bill of mine that wasn't something joint. We would be totally fine right now if we didn't have the hundreds of dollars worth of bills that R has and he has not made any money towards them.
This has been going on so long I'm REALLY beginning to resent him and little things are really bothering me. I look at him and I don't even recognize this person and it's really hard lately to be happy. I'm thinking it has something to do with the fact that the holidays are looming and we have no money. I get up at 4:45am, get to work by 6:30, work my butt off all day, get home around 5pm or later on the two days per week I do tutoring, see the kids for a bit and then start online tutoring until I go to bed. I'm exhausted and I feel like just some recognition or a "thank you" every once in awhile wouldn't be too much to ask.
Sorry for my "Debbie Downer" post I'm getting it off my chest so I can move on an be positive again!

2009-11-09T05:23:00.002-05:00

Compromise

There are so many times that I want to blog about things that I have been going on in our life, and I actually have started several posts, only to save them and think that I'll finish them later. This has resulted in me not posting for a very long time and has left so many topics swimming around in my mind. I'm finally going to take a few minutes this morning and write down the one that happens to break free from my mind.

It's about marriage and compromise during the holidays. R wasn't raised with a strong family unit. He has so many aunts, uncles, and cousins and barely knows them. They stopped getting together at holidays when his grandparents passed and some his parents don't even get along with. It's just weird to me because I was raised the exact opposite. We got together for every holiday and everyone was pretty much always there and got along. There were no fights or people crying, etc.... So we're running into a problem with Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is R's holiday. It's the one that he waits all year for because he makes dinner every year. He loves cooking and there's just something about Thanksgiving that brings him such joy and happiness. I can't even fully understand and explain it to others. The Thanksgiving when we first moved up here we did go down to my aunt's house and he didn't cook so in the past there have been times that we've compromised.

Fast forward to this year....he really wants his day. He literally plans out his next years dinner and reflects upon the dinner he just prepared the minute he's done cooking. He thinks about it for days afterwards and spends many hours preparing for the upcoming year. I find it special because I know it's so incredibly important to him. I just wish that my family would understand. I tried to have my mom explain it to my grandma and ask if R could cook for the whole family. He loves cooking for large numbers of people and he's perfectly capable because he used to prepare dinner for a whole sorority of girls singlehandedly. She told my grandma that she's making the turkey and the dressing and whoever wanted to could bring any other dishes, just to let her know. So yeah, that didn't satisfy R because he wanted to cook everything and the turkey and dressing are two of his signature dishes. So this past weekend I tried e-mailing her and explaining it (mainly because talking on the phone to an older person is kind of difficult because I feel like I'm always yelling) So I got a response back and she thanked us for the offer but said she would feel bad if he cooked everything while everyone else sat around. He absolutely loves that part and I love it to because I get to assist and help and it's a day where I get to work with him cooking which I totally miss out on pretty much the whole rest of the year.

So anyway that's where were at...I guess we've decide to stay home and he's going to make dinner for just us and then we're going to go down there on Friday to hang out with everyone or even Thursday night if our dinner gets done with early enough. I feel like people are going to be mad though that we're choosing not to be there with all the family. I really have to get in the shower because I'm late, but I'll try to write more again soon!

2009-09-30T20:33:00.002-04:00

Please Pray

At 11:59pm tonight the Mich.igan govt. might cut Little man's preschool program. I've been praying since he started, and fell in love with it, that it isn't cut tonight. We have gone through too much in the past year and a half and I feel like we just deserve this break because it crushes me to think that we'd have to tell him that he can't go back to school.

Oh and thank for the suggestions about contacting the principal at that school. Unfortunately, they aren't allowed to hire people and pay them less. Since schools have unions there is a set pay scale for the level of education and number of years you have, and they have to follow it. They ended up hiring a brand new teacher that they could pay dirt cheap. This really bummed me out and I am still upset because now I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have a chance at a job in this district.

2009-09-23T21:40:00.003-04:00

Passed Over

I didn't get an interview for that job at the elementary school around the corner from my house. The conclusion was that I have my master's degree. Who would have known that an advanced degree (one I pretty much needed to renew my teaching certificate) would be the deciding factor on whether or not they were going to interview me? I guess the budget is strapped and they would have had to pay me too much, it's easier to hire someone cheap. Mind you, I am close with all the teachers, actually I was recruited for this job (by three of the teachers), I know all the kids and spent a great deal of time teaching these exact students last year, and was promised by the principal just 2 months ago that if a position ever came up I would "DEFINITELY get an interview."

I feel like crap and to make matters worse my actual job is becoming a bit of a pain in the ass. I really hate when a break in life is so very close but yet things don't work out. I am so sick of trying to figure out how I can work extra on my time off to make more money for our family. The newest low that I am sinking to, watching my boss's kids on Friday night from 6-11. Gee, do I really want to babysit for three kids after I've been up since 5:00am and worked all day, you guessed it, NOPE, but needless to say we're going to be short paying bills so making money on Friday night seems like a viable option for me, one that is pretty much necessary. It sucks and yes I'm having a bit of a pity party right now, I'm allowing myself today and then after today I'm going to perk back up and pick my head up to move on with life.

2009-09-21T06:05:00.002-04:00

Things on my Mind

Please pray for Ally! I hope you're receiving an outpouring of support and love right now!!!! Hang in there girl!
I'm missing Little man's first day of 4 year old preschool and it's killing me! Last year his first day was two days after Baby M was born so we all got to go and hang with him on the first day. Today the whole family is going to be there minus me, and the worst thing, I can't even see him before I leave for work.
The job posting closed yesterday for that 5th grade position at the elementary school around the corner and they haven't called me yet for an interview :( Interviews are tomorrow and Wednesday.
I have a staff meeting today and it lasts until 5:30. I have gym duty today so I have to spend from 7:30-7:50 with riled up kids K-5 in the gym. I have a bad attitude and it's bugging me. I need to stay positive but it's so damn hard when my dream job is right there like a carrot dangling in front of my face.
It's 6:14am and I need to get ready to leave for work. I hope everyone has a great day!

2009-09-19T21:28:00.003-04:00

What's Been Happening??!!??

It seems as though I've fallen off the face of the Earth, that's exactly how I feel. Here is a little glimpse at what's been going on in my life.

I received a call last Tuesday telling me that my dream job at my dream school is all ready for me to apply for, and I did. I know I have a job and that I should be grateful but frankly, it's not paying the bills and it's running me ragged. I leave at 6:30 and don't get home until 5 and for some reason this schedule isn't getting any easier. I'm praying that I can at least get an interview because I'm sick of not having enough money to pay our bills and not having insurance for my family. It would suck to quit my job now because there are some perks and things that I really like but this is one opportunity that I can't pass up. School doesn't start until 8:55am and it is right around the corner from my house. I used to walk there when I subbed. I NEED this job!!!!!!! There are several teachers at the school that are doing everything possible to try to get me the job and I'm very grateful.
Our preschool that we've been working so hard to get started is finally going to get off the ground!!!! We found a building, sweet deal on rent, and now we just have to get all of the rest of our ducks in a row. There's about 5-6 families that have been working our tails off to try to start this because our children were in need of a preschool because the one Little man attended last year just closed it's doors with NO notice. In the mean time R and I did find another free preschool for Little man to go to because our income was so low and we're still sending him there but also trying to get this off the ground because the free one might get cut because of state funding cuts so we wanted to have a back up plan.
I'm so sleep deprived that I walked out of the house one day last week without any makeup on and didn't even realize it until around 10am. I also have nearly fallen asleep on the drive home several times. I'm getting up at 5:15am and haven't been getting to bed early enough. This week I'm making a goal of getting in bed by 9:30 rather than 10:30-11pm. I am also going to try to be more efficient in the morning by getting my outfit and things I'll need for my day ready the night before so I'm not fumbling around in the dark and forgetting things that I need.
My parents let us borrow one of their cars so that we could get Little man to preschool and R lost the key. We spent this whole week looking for the key and it literally has vanished out of thin air. I had to meet my mom half way today and get their spare key so that we would be able to drive Little man to school as well as run other errands.
R is starting his own business along with still applying for jobs that he's qualified for near where we live. It's worth a shot because he really doesn't have anything to lose. His mom is paying for start up and he's doing a lot himself so hopefully he's able to make just a little money to supplement our income.
R has begun getting involved in several different community organizations and has been so happy, this is VERY exciting! He went to a meeting about the economics in our community last night and after the meeting he was asked out for a drink (that sounds really girly, sorry) but a head govt. person and he asked him to consider running for city council. It's fun to see him excited.
I've gained a few pounds and it's totally making me feel really fat. I'm going to start scheduling exercise into my day because it's just been falling by the wayside. It's amazing what just a couple of pounds can do! I've GOT to begin running again and begin my strength training, it's so hard to find time though!
I'm dead tired so I'm heading to bed, keep all fingers crossed that I can at least get an interview for that job!

2009-09-02T20:44:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday Baby M!!!!!!!

I CANNOT believe that he's already a year old!!! We had a great time at the birthday party, here are a few pictures.

2009-08-27T06:46:00.004-04:00

Letters

Dear Training Coordinator,
It was really awkward coming to a ritzy country club, driving by hundreds of thousands dollars worth of homes for poverty training. Despite the location though the training was wonderful, thank you!

Dear Water Softener,
Why did you feel it necessary to die right when we're trying desperately to get back on our feet? I do find it quite comical though that you and a bunch of your friends are all out for the garbage this week, gotta love subdivisions where all the houses are built relatively around the same time.

Dear Rock,
Was it really completely necessary to hit our window and create a divot/crack that is now spreading clear across our car window? I'm just so thankful that you hit where you did and that the crack isn't directly in my line of vision.

Dear Skim Milk,
I'm disappointed that you ruined a huge bowl of cereal this morning because you were mildly sour even though your expiration date was August 28th and you were just opened like maybe Monday. Thanks though for letting me figure that one out and not my child. (sidenote...there was one time that I gave Little man sour milk and I still feel terrible to this day about that)

2009-08-23T21:09:00.003-04:00

Week #2

Tomorrow I start training at my school and I'm hoping that I don't have to sit through a million presentations but I'm pretty sure it's going to be a grueling couple weeks. This weekend sucked! I ended up getting sick. I thought I was doing great because all week I was well when everyone else was sick in my house. I bragged about my super immune system and even knocked on some wood but it didn't help, I got it. I'm pretty sure that I'll be better by tomorrow so I didn't get it as bad as R or Baby M, but it still made my weekend suck. The weather also sucked this weekend, it was in the 60's so I guess being in bed most of today wasn't too bad.

I'm definitely letting this new job affect me negatively. I get stressed out and I take it out on other people. I get controlling and try to manage everything because I have no control over my new job and my situation. I'm in the dark about my position and it's freaking me out. I just want to know what's going to be expected of me and familiar with my curriculum, duties, schedule, etc... R did a million wonderful things for me and I was just being a psycho bitch all day. I really wish that I would have just kept my mouth shut and stayed in bed. Or actually thought about my actions and words. He's so pissed at me and I'm so mad at myself. I'm going to spend the whole rest of the week trying to get him to forgive me :( Things are just so chaotic right now.

I just need to calm down, and live life without getting worked up. There is nothing that I can do and worrying and getting all uptight and stressed isn't going to make this new job start out any better. I need to be calm and just roll with it. Starting a new job is scary!

2009-08-19T21:52:00.007-04:00

Picture Post

I just realized that I don't post too many pictures on here and I totally have a confession to make. Up until about 3 months ago I didn't even know for sure how to get pictures off the card and on to the computer. Yes I relied on my husband, but he finally showed me how and now I can do it myself. So you are all in for a real treat a post full of pictures :)

Baby M posing during dinner :)

At the zoo

Little man getting a taste of what it's like to be a prairie dog

On his way to day camp, so excited!!!!

Baby M crawling to Lake Michigan

Just a few pictures of some of the fun activities that we did this summer. I'm sad to see summer coming to an end and the school year beginning but I'm also looking forward to college football and fall.

2009-08-18T21:17:00.002-04:00

Back to Work

I've officially returned to work. This week started my "new teacher training" though I'm not a new teacher, I am new to the company so I'm required to partake in this week long training session. After two days I can honestly say that it's a cool company and my tailbone hurts SOOOO bad. I'll get to the cool company part in a bit, for now lets discuss my tail bone. We have been sitting in kid sized chairs for about 13 hours over the past two days and as a result I'm in a little bit of pain and discomfort. I've never really noticed my tail bone before, I mean I knew it was there, but never really had a reason to think about it. Well now I'm very aware if it and am not quite sure how the heck I'm going to make it through three more days of sitting at kid sized desks in plastic kid sized chairs. I am definitely going to have this burned into my mind forever and try to have my students get up often and change positions because literally this sucks!

On to the cool company part. I call it a company because it is a company. Its structure is like a company and it's run like a company, rather than a school. If I keep that in mind then I find it easier to buy into the ideas and beliefs because I'm not constantly comparing it to traditional public schools. They don't have principals, but rather Chief Administrative Officers and the curriculum is very unique. I have to say that I'm actually learning and getting some new information, which I love so my only complaint are those darn chairs.

I'm a little sad that summer is officially over, it went SO fast! I can't believe that my little Baby M is going to be 1 in a few weeks, he's not so little anymore :( They grow up so fast. We are planning a Bab.y Ein.stein birthday party for August 30th. I'm just now getting ready to send out invites. It's definitely harder to get things done when I'm working full days. I'll update more soon about our preschool debacle and opportunity.

2009-08-12T20:27:00.003-04:00

Summer is Finally Here!
Go figure that the warm summer weather begins as soon as it's just about time for me to return to work. Even though our air conditioning is broken I'm still loving the warm temps and nice weather. We've been getting a TON of rain, well thunderstorms more like it, and I'm loving that too because we get a green lawn for free!! I have two more days of watching the baby and then one weekend before I attend my new teacher training which starts next Monday at 7:30am. We have a few BBQ's this weekend so those should be fun but other than that we don't have much going on.

There are a few things that I'll be writing about soon but don't have time to go into right now. One being a co-op preschool that we may have a part in starting in our community and then the other is my job. I'll find time to post again soon :) R hasn't heard anything from that interview he had about 2 weeks ago so he probably didn't make it to the next round, surprise, surprise!

2009-08-05T20:03:00.003-04:00

In-Law Drama

So I got a text from R this evening telling me that they might come home early because once again his mom is losing it and creating a bunch of drama. I'm not sure if I've mentioned before but she has a mental illness, literally. She's hospitable and great for the first 24 hours and then the clock strikes and she morphs into a freak. She says unnecessary things, cries, acts like a baby, you name it she probably does it, its seriously like dealing with a child. So needless to say I wasn't surprised that things were starting to go south at around 24 hours of them being there. I'm enjoying my time alone, not that I don't miss them, but I would be seriously pissed if they came home early. So I took matters into my own hangs and e-mailed her basically telling her to straighten up because she'll listen to me. I'm really hoping that the rest of their trip is drama free!!!!

This brings me to my next point....why are the majority of in-laws not cool? I think out of all my friends I have one that hit the in-law jackpot. Her in-laws are AMAZING and even I love them to death. They are respectful, kind, loving, they don't overstep their bounds, and the list goes on and on. All of my other friends, including myself, got duds for in-laws that drive us insane, overstep their bounds, act inappropriately, are smothering, rude, etc..... So I'm wondering what are all your in-laws like? I'm sure some of you can relate and others are among the jackpot winners.

2009-08-04T07:34:00.004-04:00

What's Happening

Well I'm a little perturbed because I lost a lot of sidebar content when I was messing around with my template. I'm still probably going to be messing around a lot with it because I just got bored. I changed the name because not only do I love Count.ing Cro.ws but this month is pretty symbolic, it's the start of our new beginning. We can finally start new and leave the last year behind us. It really pisses me off because it was Baby M's first year but so much of it was stressful and negative that I really want to put that part behind us without forgetting that is was also an amazing year with him. So if any of that makes sense I wanted a fresh template, for a fresh year that's starting this month and I thought it was a fitting name for our fresh start.

On to more exciting news I'm a bachelorette this week. The boys (R, Little Man, and Baby M) just left for a visit to his parent's house up north!!!! They will be gone until Friday at dinner time. I'm so freaking excited because I absolutely cannot remember the last time that I was alone. I was seriously craving some "me" time where I can do anything I want!!!! The downfall is that I'm without a car, but it's probably a good thing because I know that I would want to go places that would require me to spend money. I still have to babysit Wed-Fri but I have today totally off! I'm literally ready to jump up and down screaming and cheering :) I love my boys but I've more than earned a little staycation!

I spent this past weekend weeding our pavers next to our driveway. Don't ask me how in the world they got so out of hand but they did and it was seriously eating away at me so I took on the project this past weekend. I probably spent a good 8+ hours but they look so much better!!!!

BEFORE :

AFTER:

I still have the seams of the driveway and the sidewalks to do but it's looking so much better. This has been one of those projects that I've kept meaning to get to but never set aside time to work on. I sometimes just look outside to admire my work because it's such a big difference. The next big project after the driveway and sidewalk seams is the brick patio out back, that's going to probably do me in!

I'm sure I'll be blogging more this week so I'll have so much extra time :)

2009-08-01T17:15:00.001-04:00

My Template

Please be patient with me while I try to figure out what's going on with my blog. I wanted a new template but ended up screwing everything up so I'm in the midst of trying to figure this out!

2009-07-30T07:02:00.006-04:00

Our Week

Here are the things going on this week as well as some of my thoughts

Little man has daycamp at the local Y.M..C.A. camp near our house. It has been so much fun and they do some really cool activities. So far he's went swimming twice, went on a pontoon boat ride, went in a canoe, read stories, sang songs, made GO.OP, dug for hidden treasure, played with Play,-doh, made a bead necklace, and went on a pony ride, just to name some things! He's having a great week and it's nice for us to get a break from him sometimes too, change of scenery is nice sometimes for everyone.

R had his interview on Tuesday and it went well, but like I mentioned before they ALL seem to go well. They aren't done with first round interviews until next THURSDAY! (why, o why do they have to take FOREVER???) So the earliest we would hear anything would be probably the 10th of August.

I'm so ready to be done babysitting but we need the money so bad that I'm fortunate that I have this opportunity, though, several times per day have to restrain myself from beating my head into the wall. The little baby just cries all the time. The mom is pumping and giving breastmilk and the baby just has gas ALL the time. He just screams for long periods of time and my patience is running really low mixing that into our crappy situation, it's a recipe for disaster!

On to our crappy situation. We don't have enough money to pay our bills. What are we supposed to do? Well actually it's R's bills that we don't have money for. I'm pissed because all summer he could have been working a minimum wage job to prepare for our upcoming situation but he didn't. He applied at minimum wage jobs but I think he should have beat the pavement a little harder trying to find something! I don't know how much longer I can put up with this situation. I waver between trying to stick up for him and being so utterly pissed off at him. It's a really crappy situation to be in.

I hate the government. I've been trying to get ahold of someone for the past three days because obviously since I got a job the kids aren't going to qualify for the current health insurance that they have. I need to call and explain our new situation and probably fill out a new application for another program. However, if I fill out the new application without talking to someone then the application will automatically be denied because I have another active policy. Just a big run around :(

I finished reading this book this week and it was really good but it also reminded me that things aren't really that bad and all that really matters is family and love. It definitely put things in perspective because one of the characters had cancer and she was only 31. I'm 29, it scared me. My mantra in life is "things could always be worse." I guess I really should feel VERY fortunate that all we're dealing with is a lack of money for a short period of time. All in all I'm picking myself up once again by the bootstraps and trying to plug along to brighter days, I mean our situation will get back to "normal" one of these days, at least that's what I'm hoping for!

Have a great weekend!!!!!!

2009-07-26T07:54:00.002-04:00

Some Good News

So it took me almost a week to be able to come up with a happy post, just one of "those" weeks I guess, but here goes nothing. R got another interview for this upcoming Tuesday. I'm very happy but I have very low expectations. It would be a great job if he got it but he would have to move because it's 2 1/2 hours away from our house. He has to take a portfolio which I don't think any of the interviews he's been on has asked him for so maybe that will be something that will set him apart from the rest of the candidates. He has some great portfolio pieces that visually look awesome.

Another happy thing that happened was I got my insurance info for my new job. I'm going to get a PPO, I've never had a PPO in my life, always HMO so that's exciting. I'm also excited because I get dental and optical so that's great. Also, my insurance starts on September 1, yay!!! When I taught down in FL I had to wait like 3 months for my insurance to kick in so this is awesome.

I'll be writing again soon!

2009-07-21T13:26:00.004-04:00

Annoyances

I know this is probably going to be annoying for you to read so you may just want to skip this one because I'm in a crabby mood and therefore this might be a buzz kill. There are several things that are annoying me right now and I just want to get them off my chest. So here goes nothing.......

My husband....he was literally man of the year last week. He was fun, upbeat, loving, like just downright perfect and now he's just the opposite. It's pissing me off because he's taking everything I say the wrong way and just totally PMSing. I swear men get PMS too!!!!! We had a break from Little man last week so we only had Baby M and then the baby I babysit so we had a little less responsibility, but he was just perfect.

Little man. He is so mouthy and disrespectful sometimes. I'm getting really sick of the whining, talking back, and rudeness. When did my child turn into such a brat? It's not just a phase because it's been going on forever. It really pissed me off that my mom kept saying, "he didn't act this way for me last week." He got one on one undivided attention, which is really hard for us to do because we have a lot of things to do during the day and grandma can devote 100% of her time to spoiling him. It makes me feel like a bad parent though.

R's lack of a job. Though it's been nice to have more family time together and raise our children throughout the past 10 months I really think that we'd do better if we both had jobs and the kids were in preschool/daycare. I just feel like we're better parents sometimes when we have that structure and daily schedule that's the same Monday-Friday.

Baby M's lack of napping. Little man napped 2 hours two times per day and did that until about 18 months. From there he transitioned to one 2-3 hour long nap. Baby M has decided that one nap suits him just fine though he's totally overtired and sooooo cranky every afternoon.
My teeth. My gums are disappearing and they are really starting to get sensitive. The dentist said that it's most likely because of my braces that I had in high school. I'm also getting discolored spots on my teeth, also likely from my braces. Aren't braces supposed to help? I never knew that they had so many negative side effects along with them.

My messy house. I can clean it a million times and it just gets dirty in no time! I bet I sweep the kitchen floor at least 3 times per day. It doesn't help that our main entrance from the garage is right in our kitchen/dining room. It just gets so darn annoying. I struggle with how to keep the house clean through out the day but also devote tons of time to the kids.

Thanks for letting me get these off my chest. I promise there will be a happier post coming soon!

2009-07-18T08:29:00.003-04:00

Some Questions Answered

Will I have my own desk/space where I can land and keep my stuff? They already explained that they don't have extra classroom space so I will be "pushing in" to the fourth grade classrooms and meeting with kids at tables in their own room which is totally fine with me but I am a little nervous about not having anywhere where I can store and organize my things. I am going to have my own desk/cubicle in the back of one of the fourth grade teacher's classrooms. I didn't get to see my space or meet that teacher because she was the only one that wasn't there when we planned.
What will my schedule look like? Since I won't have my own class per say will I get the same types of lunch and breaks during the day as a regular classroom teacher would have? It seems like my schedule is going to consist of about 6 hours total in the fourth grade classrooms with a lunch and break in there somewhere. I am mainly going to be focusing on math and reading and I'll get my caseload of students and then need to get with the teachers to see when they are doing what so I can plan my schedule. It seemed like I'd be getting lunch at the same time as the other fourth grade teachers but I'll have to wait until late August to get more information on what my specific schedule will look like.
What other responsibilities will I have? Some schools have specials teachers and other staff members do bus duty or morning/afternoon monitoring. This I did not discuss with the teachers because I totally forgot.
What is orientation going to consist of? I do know that I have a week long orientation starting August 17th for teachers who are new to the school's curriculum. I feel like I should be exempt from new teacher stuff since I've taught for 4 years but this is one exception because I have no experience with their unique curriculum. After that week I'll be going to the school for two weeks for things there but I have no idea what yet. The one fourth grade teacher told me that the new teacher orientation really felt like a cult and she was pretty freaked out after going so I'm just going to have to get through it somehow and pray they don't start passing out cups of kool-aid.
How many sick/vacation days will I receive and what will the benefits be like? She mentioned pay, bonuses and health insurance, but does that include optical and dental? Is there retirement? I get 10 sick days which includes personal days but I earn one every month so I only start out with 1. They still didn't have any information on the benefits so I'll be getting the booklet in the mail along with the teacher handbook as soon as they are ready. I'm still not sure about optical and dental I forgot to ask but there is retirement.
How many other new teachers will there be at the school this year? I think every new school I've went to there were quite a few new teachers so I wasn't alone with learning all the new things. My first job there were like over 10 new teachers and my second job had quite a few, though I wasn't new to the county so I didn't have all the "new teacher" crap. It looks like there's about 6 people that are going to be at the New Teacher thing with me from my school so at least there is a small group of us!

I'll write more later about my planning session and the school calendar.

2009-07-13T06:15:00.002-04:00

The New Job

This morning at 8:30 I'm going to the school so I can sign all the necessary paperwork for my new job. I wasn't nervous about the job interview but I'm a bit nervous about this, not sure why. Maybe because it's a contract and that means that I'm under an agreement to work there, which means that if a better opportunity comes along then things are more complicated (like I'm sure that's not going to happen but I suppose there's a slim chance) I now have to go into my online applications for the school districts and choose the "yes" option when it asks if I'm under contract at a school.

When the assistant principal called me and offered me the job I was so excited that I didn't have clear questions ready to ask. Looking back what I should have done was sit down and generate several questions "just in case." I didn't want to put the cart in front of the horse though so I didn't have any questions ready and therefore, have a lot of unanswered questions right now. Though I'm sure that I'll get a lot of information today when I go to the school.

As of right now here is an explanation of my job......I'll be a fourth grade intervention specialist. Every grade level has three teachers and then an intervention specialist. My job consists of going into the fourth grade classrooms and working on several different types of interventions with the below level kids who aren't labeled as special ed. but are way below grade level and need a lot of help. I will be working closely with all the fourth grade teachers and I'll have access to their lesson plans on a weekly basis so that I can develop lessons for the kids I'm going to be working with. This is very data driven so I'm sure my merit pay increase after the year is up will totally be determined on how well these kids score on tests. That was FL in a nutshell so I'm very used to being driven by data, I'm not too worried about that.

Here are some of my questions that I have right now:

Will I have my own desk/space where I can land and keep my stuff? They already explained that they don't have extra classroom space so I will be "pushing in" to the fourth grade classrooms and meeting with kids at tables in their own room which is totally fine with me but I am a little nervous about not having anywhere where I can store and organize my things.
What will my schedule look like? Since I won't have my own class per say will I get the same types of lunch and breaks during the day as a regular classroom teacher would have?
What other responsibilities will I have? Some schools have specials teachers and other staff members do bus duty or morning/afternoon monitoring.
What is orientation going to consist of? I do know that I have a week long orientation starting August 17th for teachers who are new to the school's curriculum. I feel like I should be exempt from new teacher stuff since I've taught for 4 years but this is one exception because I have no experience with their unique curriculum. After that week I'll be going to the school for two weeks for things there but I have no idea what yet.
How many sick/vacation days will I receive and what will the benefits be like? She mentioned pay, bonuses and health insurance, but does that include optical and dental? Is there retirement?
How many other new teachers will there be at the school this year? I think every new school I've went to there were quite a few new teachers so I wasn't alone with learning all the new things. My first job there were like over 10 new teachers and my second job had quite a few, though I wasn't new to the county so I didn't have all the "new teacher" crap.

I have to get in the shower so I can get ready to head to the school so I'll probably post again when I get a few of these questions answered.

2009-07-09T14:13:00.003-04:00

Ring, Ring, Ring

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today is our 4 year anniversary and I could not have asked for a better present!!! They called right around lunch time and offered me the 4th grade intervention teacher job. I'm just so happy :)

2009-07-08T14:02:00.002-04:00

Waiting by the Phone

I remember in college waiting by the phone a few times because I was dying for the boy I'd met the night or two before to call me. I never wanted to be "that girl" because let's face it, I didn't "need" a man in order to make me happy, but I will admit there were a few times that I would sit in the near vicinity of the phone staring and hoping that it would suddenly be that guy on the other end asking me out. Oh how times have changed, now I'm waiting for a school to call and offer me a job. I'm trying to just go on with my day and not think about it, but it's hard. I haven't had an interview in 6 years and I really am hoping that the phone rings with good news.

The interview went very well! There are 2 positions open (I had only known about the 5th grade position prior to me arriving at the interview) and I interviewed for both of them, though they seemed more interested in me for the 4th grade intervention teacher because of my experience in FL schools. I was interviewed by the assistant principal and the intervention specialist, both were very nice. They had me tell about my teaching experience, how I determined who needed interventions, which programs I was using, my classroom behavior plan and just other odds and ends questions. I'm pretty interested in the intervention specialist job because I feel that it would be a little less work because I wouldn't have my own classroom. I would be focusing more on teaching lessons to under performing children and working with the classroom teachers. I wouldn't have my own classroom, I'd be doing push in where I would be meeting with the students in their classroom and working very closely with all the fourth grade teachers.

So they told me that they wanted to have a decision made by the end of the week and would call and let me know one way or the other. I guess I can be happy that it's Wednesday and that means that I should only have to wait a couple of days to get an answer. At the end of the interview I asked if I could have a tour of the school so I also got a tour from the Parent Liaison and got a little more face time with him. I'm really hoping that I made a last impression and did what I needed to do to get this job!

2009-07-07T22:21:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow's the Big Day!

It's my first interview in 6 years! I have spent a great deal of time preparing for this interview, reading over the school's website, curriculum, studying the state 5 grade teaching standards, preparing questions, and organizing all my teaching credentials. Sunday we took a family drive to the school and I clocked the time and miles. It's roughly 20 miles and took about 25 minutes. I will probably leave around 7:45am tomorrow because my interview is at 8:30am. I know that I'll be interviewing with 4 people so that is going to be different because I think the most I've interviewed with has been 2 at once. I'm surprisingly not that nervous, just more wondering what it's going to be like. I'm wearing my black skirt suit with a blue button up shirt underneath and I'm going to wear my hair pulled back. Let's hope that I get this job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R also has his interview tomorrow so I'm wishing him the best of luck too! Oh and tomorrow is my parent's anniversary and ours is on Thursday. It would be a sweet anniversary present!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-03T21:41:00.002-04:00

I GOT AN INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got a call today from a charter school that I had applied at back at the beginning of the summer. I remember getting an e-mail about the fifth grade opening and just throwing my stuff together and having R mail it one day. When my cell rang today and I didn't recognize the number I had a feeling it was a job interview request and I was right. There is only one position open and the woman only had one time to offer me so I will be interviewing at 8:30am on Wednesday, July 8th she also mentioned that she had the other days filled up, so it seems as though I'm up against several candidates. I haven't been on an interview in like 5 years so I'm busy preparing for questions they may ask me as well as learning as much as I can about this interesting curriculum that they use. I'm praying that this works out because we really need this! I'm just so happy that I've been given this opportunity!

2009-07-01T07:03:00.003-04:00

Wonderful Things

Tuesdays just seem to be bad days overall. R and I think maybe no one wants to drop bad news on someone on a Monday because Mondays are thought of to be bad days anyway so they wait until Tuesday. I feel it's only fair now that I've gotten all the things that suck out of the way that I move on and list all the wonderful things that are going on right now :)

Baby M will be 10 months old tomorrow and he has the cutest belly laugh and it pretty much always happy. He has almost started sleeping through the night. Half of the time he'll sleep from about 7:00pm wake up for a bottle at 11:30pm and then sleep until 6:30am., but there are still nights on occasion that he wakes up between 2:30 and 3:30.
We're loving summer! The weather has been pretty great with the exception of this week but even this week has been a nice break from the 90 degree heat that we had, though I love 90 degree heat.
My flowers and R's garden are doing pretty well. We did some major repositioning of plants this spring and it's really improved the appearance of our yard. R planted a kick butt garden and we are hoping for a wonderful crop harvest come late summer, early fall.
We got a brand new huge garbage container on wheels for our trash pick up days which is nice to have something brand new that will fit our three bags of trash per week, which is going to dwindle even more because we can recycle more plastics now. Before we could only recycle 1's and 2's and now we can recycle 1-7's, yay!!!!!! I just love recycling, it makes me feel so good. I know I'm pathetic for being excited about a new garbage can but hey, we don't get a lot of new things anymore so it's fun to get something new for free.
I'm still pumping and getting a little milk so Baby M is getting breastmilk still which is exactly 5 months longer than Little man so I'm excited that at least I didn't lose total supply with my crazy schedule and not having the ability to pump when needed.
I just finished Ne.w Moo.n and have started Eclip.se and am just loving this series. I didn't start reading it because I had myself convinced that I didn't like this genre, but something about Mey.er's writing style has been totally captivating. I also finished another book while waiting for Eclip.se to come in at the library, The Be.ach Hou.se by Jan.e Gree.n which was really great too! I just LOVE, LOVE reading!
I get to schedule tutor hours early this week, today at 12pm so hopefully I should be able to get some online tutoring in next week. The summer is really slow but every three weeks I get to schedule early so I can usually get some hours for the following week :)
I have a three day week this week babysitting so that's a nice break. The baby is really good and basically just sleeps all the time so things have been going pretty well.
I've started running again and it feels really great!
I've organized the pantry, junk drawer, hall closet, Little man's closet, my bins of bills and other papers that I've been saving, and some files. It feels so great to reorganized things so that the space doesn't feel cluttered and messy!
I've had time to cook since I've been off for the summer so we've been having yummy lunches and lots of grilled food with homemade side dishes and desserts. Oh and we must not forget all the fruit salad I've been making, I heart summer fruit!!!!!
Free strawberries! The people I babysit for have a huge garden with tons of strawberry plants and they've given us about 4-5 free quarts of strawberries from their garden!!!!

Well that's my list for right now. We are still hoping for the phone to ring about that job in Arlingt.on, VA but if not, hopefully we other good news about other jobs.

2009-06-30T13:23:00.005-04:00

Things That Suck

UPDATE: R got a call for an interview next Wednesday for a job that he thinks the job fax service he used sent his resume to so he's not even sure what the position is for and didn't want to sound like a dumb ass asking the woman on the phone. So we'll see how this goes. It makes the other interview rejection for the job up north a little more bearable.

There have been no calls from Arling.ton, VA since I wrote last, this is never a good sign!
R just found out that he wasn't selected for an interview for another job that he had networked by cold calling individuals affiliated with the position. This was in an attempt to get his foot in the door for a job that he was more than qualified. Those individuals gave him really great information about the job and also contacted the hiring person on his behalf, guess that new strategy he tried doesn't work.
He got another rejection letter for another job in the mail today.
R applied at Mc.Donald's yesterday :(
It's now been 10 months since R lost his job.
We're running out of money and exhausting our resources.
I saw a teacher that was on the tutoring list with me from the local elementary school walking out of the library with a bin, which means she is getting tutoring opportunities and I didn't get any calls for tutoring students. I had convinced myself that there just wasn't a need because people couldn't afford it in this economy, but I was wrong. It was disappointing to see it and to know that the teacher probably really didn't seriously NEED the money like I do, and I'm just as qualified as her.
I still get excited about finding teaching job openings yet in the back of my mind I know that I'm not going to have a snow balls chance in hell to get one. A local district had a buyout, had 11 openings, got 13,000 applicants, WTF??? I applied for 5 positions in a town near us and am desperately trying to find someone to network with so I can get my foot in the door.
My friend, A lives in Mary.land and is having to decide right now which job she wants to take, because she has multiple offers. I'm happy for her, but it's depressing.
That job in Chic.ago that flew R down and put him up in the swanky hotel still hasn't told him that he didn't get the job, and that's just rude in my opinion.
It's raining and cold.
I have no idea when we're going to get our break and how much worse things are going to get before that break happens.
I'm sad right now and it's actually been a long time since I've been this sad. I've been so positive, optimistic, happy, etc... and now I don't know how to keep feeling those things because sadness and worry seems to be creeping in.

2009-06-25T13:37:00.002-04:00

Silence is Not Golden

I wish the phone would ring and it be some good news about a job for R rather than a family member, a friend or some stupid telephone solicitor. Don't get me wrong I like having friends/family call so we can chat and catch up about life but there is this certain heart jump when I hear the ring only to be followed by the sink when the caller ID reveals that it's definitely not from Arling.ton, VA or another job related company.

On a good note there have been some other jobs that have been added to the table so at least our options are expanding. R has had plenty of time since I've been done with work to devote even more time than he did when he was watching the kids, to job searching and all the rigmarole that goes into the process. It's just frustrating because everyone moves so damn slow.

Babysitting is going wonderful! I think all the details are ironed out from the showing up late and changing plans the night before episodes that we had in the beginning. The mom e-mailed me a weekly schedule for this week and though there was a late night there were some later mornings to balance it out so things are going well. The baby eats, sleeps, gets his diaper changed and then repeats that cycle throughout the whole day. We occasionally have some play time but for the most part he's still in infant sleep all the time mode. Speaking of he's awake now so I must be going.

2009-06-23T13:49:00.003-04:00

Are You Serious?

I just felt the need to weigh on on the Jon and Kate debacle because I'm absolutely enraged. We don't have satellite anymore so I didn't watch the infamous episode announcing their separation but I did read several recaps and then caught the new info that they are divorcing online. Let me just say....."YOU HAVE 8 FREAKING KIDS!" Have they even given counseling a try. Everyone and their brother is giving them free stuff, e.g. tummy tuck, hair implants, free vacations, etc.... but no one seems to be ponying up the real help they need. Why is it that people will offer up things that are meaningless considering their situation now but not something that will help this family stay together? However, it's their responsibility to pony up the money themselves and get the help they need because you have 8 kids that really need both parents all the time.

This brings me to my next point, do fertility clinics do any sort of screening before people are allowed to get treatments that will potentially yield an obscene amount of children? I understand people want to have children and it's devastating that they can't have them without the help of treatments but seriously they already had twins so it wasn't like they weren't parents already. Then once they have the 8 kids there should be built in therapy on how to deal with all that responsibility and stress that goes along with raising a set of twins and sextuplets. It should be a package deal, fertility treatments with counseling before, during, and afterwards.

My last point, T.L*C needs to cancel the show. They have got to know that continuing with the show is not in the best interest of the kids. I can guarantee that those kids are not going to grow up and be eternally grateful that they have their childhood on tape, WTF. Jon and Kate always give this bull**it excuse that they do the show to record the childhood memories. I'm pretty sure that those kids aren't going to want to watch episodes upon episodes of their mom treating their dad like a piece of crap. All I can say is that I hope those kids have a snowballs chance in hell to grow up normal without severe psychological problems, but I'm afraid that the damage is already done.

2009-06-19T14:28:00.002-04:00

References

This week has gone pretty well and fast also! R had his second interview yesterday for a really great job, unfortunately not in MI, but fortunately it's near 2 of my really great friends! It went pretty well despite one of the interviewers being sorta bit**y. They asked him to send along writing samples and then at 5pm last night they e-mailed asking for references. He sent the references this morning and now we wait again. During the two interviews I guess they said that he'd hit the nail on the head regarding answers he'd given 4 different times so it seems like he's capable of doing the job and his ideas are in line with what they are looking for, but let's not get too excited because I'm sure the other candidates are just as good, if not better. He also has another job that he applied for that is a good option that may be a second choice, we're keeping our fingers crossed because it's in one of the best cities in MI, in my opinion. We're staying positive and that's what matters right now.

The baby that I'm babysitting is pretty easy, though things do get very busy when all three kids want something at the same time. R and I are definitely running around for most of the day. There are short periods though where all three of them are napping at the same time, which equals cleaning time and just some quiet! It's going well though and the parent's have been better about letting me know if they are going to be late and there hasn't been any sudden changes. It's so much easier when I'm expecting it because then I can plan my day accordingly.

We have a wedding reception to go to tomorrow for my friend who got married in March in the Bah.amas so that will be fun and we'll get a free dinner! I love not having to come up with dinner plans because I've been slacking on planning and scheduling out when we're having what. I'm going to get better about that though because I need to be organized in order to stay sane. Little man also has T-ball so we'll be attending that tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to not having anything to do on Sunday. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

2009-06-15T20:29:00.003-04:00

Amazing Weekend

R and I got a romantic night away from the kids in northern MI from Saturday to Sunday. It was wonderful and we had such a great time. We actually went up north for a wedding, my friend A, my teaching partner from FL. She is actually from MI and has since moved from FL to MD. It was an outdoor wedding right near the water and the weather couldn't have turned out better. It was rainy and nasty down by where we lived but as we drove north the sky became blue and gorgeous.

We dropped the kiddos off at my parent's house which was half way and it was my first night away from Baby M. I was not worried or sad in the least, I was ready for a night away! R has been on interviews and at conferences a couple times so he's gotten to enjoy some baby free nights. I booked a very, very cheap room because I know we don't have any money. I just couldn't miss this wedding though, my friend would have been devastated. Our room turned out being much lower than what I had originally booked it for so we ended up getting a brand new, totally remodeled room for only $44. It was awesome!

We attended the wedding and reception and were in bed by 11:30pm. The next morning we slept in until 9 am!!!!!!!!!!!! R and I got up and went running along the water and through down town, came back and showered and then went for coffee. We wandered around down town after reading and paper and drinking our coffee outside and then got lunch on our way out of town. It was utter and complete heaven. We SO needed that 24 hours for us and to enjoy ourselves. It's actually probably going to be considered our early anniversary gift.

R got a second phone interview for the same place that he interviewed for on Friday morning, let's hope this is it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-11T21:03:00.002-04:00

It's Been a Long Week

I was so looking forward to the little one I babysit for to arrive after 9am tomorrow rather than at normal time which is around 7:15am. S has been telling me for 2 days that her husband doesn't have to be to work until 11am tomorrow so the baby will be coming later than normal. It's been a long week and I was so looking forward to that time to run and do other things, but that's not going to happen. M (the dad) called and said that he has things to do at work and S has a meeting early so they'll actually be dropping him off earlier than normal, before 7am, ugg. Tonight she was supposed to be here around 5:30 and didn't show up until after 6:30, with no explanation. I can't complain too much because they paid me for a full week last week when I just watched him 2 days but I also watched him late one of those days and then one other evening so it wasn't like I didn't begin making up for that pay. I've been documenting every day what time he arrives and then what time he gets picked up. I'm going to ask them to begin giving me a schedule a week in advance because I have appointments and things that I have to get done. I almost made plans for tomorrow morning because there's an errand that I have to do tomorrow and I thought it would be nice if I could get it done early.

This leads to one of my biggest personality flaws. I let people walk all over me and don't stand up for myself in certain situations. I definitely can complain to anyone who will listen and deep down I know what I'd like to say to people but I just stay quiet and let my anger or resentment build up inside and make myself miserable. I think part of my problem is that I'm just not quick on my feet. Like tonight I should have said "oh, S said you weren't dropping him off until after 9am tomorrow so I made plans," but no, instead I just say "okay" in an eager voice and then stew and complain to anyone who will listen. Why do I have a problem sticking up for myself and saying what I feel? Does anyone else do that or have any advice for those of us who let people walk all over them?

2009-06-10T07:01:00.003-04:00

Summer Has Begun

School gets out at 12 pm today but I've been done since Monday. The weather is a little confused right now, only going to be in the upper 60's today, but hopefully that gets straightened out soon! It's seems a little surreal because on the first day of school this year I was in the hospital having Baby M, can't believe it's already been 9 months and that summer is upon us and before we know it he'll be 1! I'm hoping that June, July, and August last forever! I want to enjoy the weather, time off, and hopefully job hunting will turn out in my favor, as R isn't having any luck. I feel like the phone should be ringing off the hook but it barely rings once on any given day. Oh well, I really feel like his job situation is out of our hands. I'm not sure who's hands it's in, but certainly we're doing all that we can, and hopefully we'll be blessed with a job for him soon.

I've begun babysitting and yesterday was tough! I had two days last week and they were great, the baby slept most of the day. Yesterday the baby and baby M were just off and cranky so it got a little hard at times. I don't know how people with multiples do it, clearly they are saints! Today I made sure to get up extra early and get everything in place for my day, clearly blogging is important, right? With that I have things to do so I'm going to get on with those, have a great day!

2009-06-02T20:02:00.002-04:00

Nope

R didn't get the job in Chic.ago. We figured as much because silence is never a good sign. He looked today on their online system and the message said they selected another candidate. They haven't called or sent a letter yet telling him he didn't get it, which I think is pretty rude but regardless, we have our answer. R wasn't torn up because I think we both have gotten wise about thinking that he's going to get jobs he interviews for. I just wish that we knew all the "real" reasons that he's not getting all these jobs. He's starting counseling on Friday so hopefully he will begin to work through some of his issues and at least be happier, but I sure hope a job for him comes along soon! We might also look into an interview coach, someone who can actually interview him, to go over problems or things he can improve upon. So much for that other guy telling him he should have a job within a month, it's come and gone and that didn't happen, good thing that was free!

2009-05-31T20:02:00.002-04:00

Three More Days

We still haven't heard from the job in Ch.icago. What's ironic is that it will be a year this week since we were there celebrating R's 30th birthday. It would be kind of cool if he got some good news this week since his birthday is on Saturday, but as our luck would have it, bad news would be more likely. What would be really nice is if the other 60+ jobs he's applied for would call to schedule interviews! I have three more days of subbing this week and then on Thursday I'm going to start babysitting the neighbor's baby. There is a possibility that I'll be able to pick up one more day subbing but most likely this will be my last week since next week is the last week of school.

Little man had his end of the year preschool program on Friday night so my mom came for the weekend. We went out to dinner before the program and that was so yummy. I miss going out to dinner! The program was really cute. They sang three songs and then they each got a certificate. We had cake and punch afterwards and a good time was had by all :)

We did some major gardening this weekend! My mom bought me some more flowers and R prepared the garden spots because we're actually going to have quite a large garden since we love to each home grown veggies. My mom and I replanted several different plants that had gotten out of control and then I spent the majority of today weeding. I have no idea why anyone would plant landscaping and not put down the special tarp plastic type stuff to prevent weeds. We lost a tree over the winter that was in the landscaping in the back so R cut that down today and dug out the stump. It only took 4 hours but he did it so now we're ready to plant the garden tomorrow. I still have more weeding to do tomorrow evening!!!

Well let's home for some freaking good news this week. I'm cashing in the rest of my retirement so that we can hopefully stay afloat for the summer.

2009-05-21T21:13:00.003-04:00

More Money Saving Ideas

So yeah I know this is like 6 months late but I'm finally getting around to posting more of my money saving ideas. It's been almost 9 months so I've been perfecting my skills on saving money, hope you'll find some of these helpful.

Cancel satellite/cable TV- summer is right around the corner and the weather is getting so enjoyable. We did this last year and it worked out great so we'll be cancelling our satellite again this summer, not only to save a few bucks but also to take advantage of the glorious weather. It stays light so late and we're outside so much, we don't even miss T.V.
Cheap Wine- Through a friend I heard about this cheap wine that tastes good, so I just had to try it out. I know it's a splurge but at $2.97 a bottle I figured we could scrape up some coins and afford a bottle or two. It does actually taste good and better than some $5 or $6 bottles that I've had before. So if you are looking for cheap date night drinks I would recommend this.
Make Your Own Take Out- We have perfected making pizzas that taste like we picked them up from out local pizzeria. I have a great whole wheat crust recipe and it's so much cheaper than ordering out.
Have a Garage Sale- If you find yourself with things that you just don't need or need to raise a few bucks organize a garage sale and make some money while you get rid of junk you just don't use. We made over $100 last weekend and though it's not a ton it will cover a couple bills that you have. You can also utilize Craig.slist or E-b.ay to make some money on items that you don't need anymore or could live without.
Clip Coupons- I know I had this on my last list but I can't stress this enough. I have gotten salad dressing (Kra.ft brand) for 8 and 9 cents the past two times I have bought them because I clipped a coupon for $1.50 off and I found them on sale.
Check Out Local Free Family Events- The local Y..M.C.A. camp had a family event that had a huge lunch (hot dogs, veggies, macaroni salad, chips, and cookies) and fun kids activities (bounce house, reptile house, zip line, face painting, smores making, car racing, etc..) for three hours on a Sunday afternoon. We went towards the end and got a free early dinner and fun activities for Little man and it was literally a 5 minute drive. One of the green houses near us is having a kids day where they are giving away free tomato plants to the kids and having other fun activities. Just look in your local paper to find these fun, free events.

I'm sure I'll be able to write another post about more ideas in the future because no one is beating down our door to offer R a job. At least I'm able to share these ideas with people who may also be in our same situation and help others :) Always look on the positive side!

2009-05-20T22:19:00.003-04:00

Still Waiting

We still haven't heard anything about R's job, maybe tomorrow. I really wish that some of the other jobs he's applied for would call for interviews so that we'd have more options on the table. R has been working his butt off applying for jobs. He had a color coded spread sheet with nearly 100 jobs he's applied for, the date he applied, the follow up date, etc... Yesterday alone he applied for over 20 jobs. I had the opinion that if he applied for tons and tons of jobs that probability would be in his favor and at least one would work out. So far, we're still waiting for that one out of a hundred and I'm praying it comes soon.

Subbing is nearly over and my babysitting job is going to begin. Our income is going to go from around $1200 per month down to about $600. I'm really not sure how that's going to work but we're hoping things will just work out. Up until now times have been really tough but we've made it, hopefully things will continue to work out. We're cancelling our satellite T.V. tomorrow to save some money and I've been walking to work to save gas. Today I even took a soda can out of the trash because a person threw it away because it was easier than taking it to the pop can bin. I'm of the opinion that every little bit counts. Last week we had a garage sale and made over $100. I've babysat twice for the neighbors and made $70. We're really trying to live a greener lifestyle and save money in the process.

On a totally cool note, Baby M pulled himself up for the first time today and everyone got to witness it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He pulled himself up to standing using the coffee table because he desperately wanted to grasp the remote. The kid just loves remotes. He's been sick and under the weather this week so I did let him chew on it a little today :) Little man is continually developing his personality and said the funniest thing yesterday. He told R and he wanted mommy to have another baby in her belly and then proceeded to ask R how babies got in mommies bellies, LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then he informed him that he wanted another baby brother, not a baby sister :)

2009-05-18T20:22:00.003-04:00

I Hate Waiting!

Well we're just waiting to hear now about R's interview. He thought it went well but is rather reserved in making judgements because he's been turned down so many times when he's thought the interview went well. He doesn't know what the time line is, just that there were no internal candidates. He ended up staying that the Ri.tz Car.lton and had a personal car taking him to and from the airport so that was pretty cool. They definitely spent a lot of money on him, hope it turns out to be worth it on their part. They haven't seemed to really dawdle in the process thus far so we're thinking sometime this week he should know something. I'll keep everyone posted, we're praying it's good news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-13T22:10:00.002-04:00

Good Luck

Tomorrow is the day.....R's interview. He was flown in this evening and interviews tomorrow for a half day and then flies back home tomorrow evening. I'm just praying that it's our turn for a break. This is our absolute last chance at landing something and I feel that we've more than paid our dues. It's been nearly 9 months and we've been on a 9 month roller coaster ride. I'm ready to hop off and start living a "normal" life again. I'm so damn scared because I have no idea what in the hell we are going to do if he doesn't get this job.

I have exactly 9 more days that I can sub before I begin babysitting for my summer job. Yes, I'm going to be making money babysitting but it's peanuts compared to what our monthly bills cost. R has been working his butt off being the greatest stay-at-home dad that any family could ever fathom while also busting his butt applying for tons and tons of jobs and he deserves something to actually work out for once. I'm confident that he's going to do GREAT interviewing tomorrow and I just hope that they make a decision quickly so that we can move forward with whatever path we need to go down.

GOOD LUCK R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We love you more than you can ever imagine, you're the best dad and husband. Keep us in your prayers and I can't thank you enough for taking the time pray for us.

2009-05-08T21:10:00.003-04:00

From Phone to In Person

R had his phone interview this morning and the whole time leading up to this interview was really weird. First off, they didn't even bother to call to schedule it, it was done via e-mail. After they set the date/time they never got back to him about whether it was Centr.al or Eas.tern time so he basically had to guess, luckily he guessed correct. The last thing that was weird was that they made him call and it wasn't a toll free number. It was just all really bizarre, things are so impersonal these days, not sure if that's good or bad.

So when I got home from work today I inquired about how it went and he was happy with the interview and said that they are going to talk over the candidates next week and that in person interviews would be set for the week after that. So basically we're talking nearly the last week in May or somewhere around there, sigh. We're running out of time so that's frustrating that all this takes so darn long.....or so we thought. Around 3:30pm an e-mail popped up and it was asking him to come down for an in person interview!!!!!!!!!! So it was a matter of about 6 hours. He got to choose between next Thursday or Friday and they are flying him down and paying for a night in a hotel. We don't live that far away from Chic.ago and if you recall the last time he had an interview down there he just drove and took the train.

So needless to say I'm asking everyone to please pray like you've never prayed before, ask people you know to pray, cross your fingers, keep us in your thoughts, because this is literally our last chance at making it through this mess without getting too beat up. If something doesn't work out by the end of May then we're really in for some horrible times and I just don't think that I can take that.

2009-05-05T18:59:00.003-04:00

Online Tutoring

I'm sure I've mentioned that I online tutor in the evenings. It's great money for not having to go anywhere and I schedule my own hours when I am available. It's been rather frustrating though for several years because I'm stuck at one level and seem unable to move up and be promoted. You start out on probation and after 6 months move up to Tutor 1 status if you meet all the requirements. I started tutoring in August of 2005 and made it out of probation without any problems but I've been at the Tutor 1 status since early 2006. That's a long freaking time at one level. I have had several mentors and they all set goals, which I meet, but then there are always new goals, it's a vicious cycle.

It's really hard to be completely perfect 100% of the time. There are always places here and there where you mess up, or should have tried something different, or chosen a different method to teach. It seems like a mentor would look for something to discuss if it's an apparent problem, something that's happening all the time, or something that is violating the tutor handbook. I just feel like it's constant nitpicking. I guess maybe I'm not that great compared to other tutors or whatever but I'm just getting frustrated that I can't get promoted no matter what I do.

2009-04-30T18:52:00.002-04:00

What's Been Going On

Baby M started crawling today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He'll be 8 months on Saturday and has been mobile for quite some time. He was rolling, scooting, and pushing himself around but it's just been in the last couple days that he has been up on his knees and today he went forward on his knees. I can't believe he's already 8 months old!!!!!!
R has been applying for jobs like mad and did this jobs service that faxed his resume to over 1300 companies in his area of expertise. So far no luck but it's still early, hopefully interview offers will be coming soon!
It's been raining like mad here so spring is in full bloom. The tulips are up and the rabbits are leaving them alone this year, the flowering trees are beautiful and the grass is such a bright color of green. I love this time of year, just bring back the warm temps and dry weather and it will be perfect :)
Subbing has been pretty busy but I had a day this week where I couldn't find a job because I didn't have a car and needed to find a job at the school that I could walk no, but no luck. I'm busy pre scheduling jobs so that I can fill up May and work everyday!
Little man has one more month of preschool, so hard to believe the school year is over, time sure flies. I'm a little worried about summer because he seems to really need the social interaction and activity away from home those two days per week. I think it's going to be hard having him here all day, everyday and adding a 2 month old into that equation.

I'm sure there's more going on but my brain is just fried right now, it's been a long week.

2009-04-24T10:24:00.003-04:00

Are You Kidding?????

I didn't make it to the job fair, though I did get dressed up in my suit, print off my resumes, and drive about 30 minutes........then the car broke down. The car that my parents just brought down this past Sunday for me to use. The car that is supposed to be reliable. I was stuck along an expressway with cars zooming by, the tow truck took an hour, and then I got to ride with the driver back to where we live because we took it to the same place R's car was just at last week getting fixed. Life sure is super! So not only did I not get to the job fair I also missed out on $90 because I could have subbed today.

2009-04-24T03:52:00.002-04:00

Job Fair and Career Advice

I'm heading to a teacher job fair today. I don't really think that it's going to yield high results so therefore you may wonder why I'm potentially wasting my time, it's because I'm afraid of always wondering "what if." The fact that it could remotely open up some doors or give me some leads somewhere is enough. There are going to be a lot of out of state districts as well has quite a few districts around the area in which we live so I figure it can't hurt to "get my resume out there." R went to that job fair and it was a total waste of time and this very well could yield the same result but at least I'll know that I did everything possible at the time being.

R posted on Link.ed I.n for some career help and there was a guy that contacted him that does this for his job right now. He's retired and has been highly successful in his career so now he's helping other people. Usually he charges for these services but he happens to offer it free to alumni of the university that we all graduated from. R was talking to the guy yesterday when I got home from work and then had another 2 hour phone call with him last night, only to pick it back up this afternoon. He's being very helpful and it totally redoing R's resume. Apparently, R's resume sucks and he's not surprised that he hasn't gotten a job. This guy's resume seems totally unconventional but he definitely knows what he's talking about so we're sure that the changes are going to help. He also told R about some different career sites that offer some pay options to get your resume sent to hundreds of potential employers around our area. R has gotten some great responses to use in interviews about why he's no longer at his last job and what he's been doing in the mean time. The guy said that he gives R one month before he finds something, we're hoping he's right!

2009-04-20T21:26:00.003-04:00

WHOA

I don't even know where to begin. My mom confronted me today with the fact that she thinks R has narcissisti.c personal.ity disorder and my day ended with my husband agreeing about that and asking for help. I don't even recognize my life anymore, what the hell happened to me? I feel like I'm stuck in one of those dreams where you are trying desperately to wake up and can't. My mom also went off on me for R spending money on things like gas to places that are unnecessary, beer (before the incident), etc.... Also, telling me that there's a reason why none of my extended family has invited him to be friends on Fac.ebook. So yeah, total bashing R night and I'm stuck in the middle trying to figure out whether to scream and defend or just sit quietly. R is so desperate for help that he started crying and asking me what he should do. I told him to call my parent's because they seem to know what to do and what his problems are. He talked to them for awhile, e-mailed him mom asking for money for therapy and then e-mailed his sister apologizing for an argument that they got in earlier. He's as low as possible right now and I don't know what to say/do/feel/etc... Why does life have to be this hard? Right now I'm jealous of the people that have great lives and never have any problems (maybe they aren't real, but there are people out there that seem to have everything always work out for them) I'm hoping to wake up from this nightmare soon!

2009-04-17T22:19:00.003-04:00

Weekend Away

I took R and Little man to meet R's sister and her husband tonight after work. I got a job in a first grade classroom today at the elementary school that I cancelled at on Thursday, it went fine and they were super nice so hopefully I didn't ruin my reputation there. I just got off the phone with one of my best friend's that I've known her whole life (she's two years younger than me so I've known her ever since she was born :) She moved down to FL and live with R and I for several months until she got on her feet and she's doing great and has made a great life for herself down there. I can tell her everything that's going on and not have to sugar coat or sensor the details. It was so nice to talk to her and here about what's going on in her life and have her listen to what we're going through. We chatted for almost three hours and I feel so much better. I'm a friends person, love talking on the phone and keeping in close contact with them, yet with being so busy sometimes sadly they get pushed aside. I should have listened to her though, she was the only one that told us we were crazy to move back to MI and boy was she ever right!

I'm really hoping that this weekend away will be good for R and just give me a break. I just have Baby M so I'll be able to have a lighter responsibility load this weekend which given the events of this week is much needed. We got the car back today and it ended up costing $667.65. R's parent's covered it which was awesome but I really hate at our age that we have to have help from our parents. My parents called and told me that they are bringing my mom's car down to me so that we have another vehicle to use because my dad finally got a new car. They aren't giving me the same one back because it's been giving the problems so they want to keep it close to home in case it acts up again. I can't thank them enough, but again, it's very hard to be grown in this situation and have to take hand outs from people.

One thing that's been bothering me is that I feel like I have to stick up for R to other people. My parent's think that he needs an interview coach because he keeps getting turned down for jobs. He's landed several jobs just fine but apparently now they think that he needs help interviewing. Maybe he does but I feel like I'm constantly having to stick up for my husband and that's not a fun place to be. I guess my cousin thinks that some of R's questions he told her he was going to ask during the Chica.go interview weren't good questions to ask, and apparently she told him she didn't think that he should ask them, which I have no idea if he did or not, so that led to their conclusion about the interview coach. The question that she didn't think was good was "Would you pay for my membership to ____ and _____ professional organizations if I got this job?" Apparently they are tight wads and don't provide pens to their employees without a bunch of red tape, but seriously would one simple question lead them not to hire R and go for the woman who had 12 years experience. I mean come on, seriously, was that the deal breaker. Are we in a day and age where people can't even ask information questions to possible future employers without fear that they won't get hired? I bolded and italicized woman because they are the minority in his line of work and he tends to get passed over for jobs and they end up hiring a woman.

I guess we are at the point where we just have to do whatever people tell us to do because then at least we can show them that we are taking advice and we can all experience together whether or not the advice pans out. I just feel like people who aren't in the situation and have no idea what it's like to be here have a hard time telling people who are in the situation what to do. However, I think that may be the answer, just do everything people tell us to do because apparently we are sucking at figuring it out so maybe our elders have a better grasp on reality and what we should be doing. It's really hard being in this situation though because I don't want to be in the position to tell my husband what he should and shouldn't be doing and I don't really want my parent's telling him what to do because I don't think that would feel good. Up until now I've tried to suggest things and not make it seem like I'm being the mother and telling him what to do, but I guess not that the end of the school year is right around the corner I need to be more persistent and forceful.

I have so much on my mind right now and my brain is just so tired of it all, I'm going to bed so at least I can get 6-8 hours of time where I can just forget all this is happening and recharge my body and mind. Sleep is by far the best thing I have going in my life right now, but getting to sleep is sometimes very challenging.

2009-04-15T19:09:00.002-04:00

When Will This End????

So yet another rejection from the job that R had a freaking 25% change of getting. It was between him and three others and needless to say he didn't make the cut. They called and told him that they hired someone and it wasn't him. So much for being "perfect" for the job and having all the right credentials and experience. Why the hell do they even say that shit and get our hopes up, don't they know we eat that up and get excited for what may be the break we are praying for? This was pretty much the last straw. R officially had a nervous breakdown last night. I had to cancel my subbing job for today because I was pretty sure he was not able to take care of the kids today. We're still without a vehicle because ours is in the shop getting a new starter so I had to call the neighbor again to take Little man to school.

I called R's sister to get his parent's number last night because I didn't know what to do. He had some drinks and then led to pretty much drowning his sorrows in alcohol and then the rest of the night was a mess. The cops ended up getting called by R because he felt he was out of control. They ended up leaving him here but just tried to diffuse the situation. He feels terrible today and very sorry, he just doesn't know what to do. I should have known something like this was going to happen eventually because rejection after rejection is pretty much going to beat a person down until they can't take it anymore.

R is taking Little man and going to his sister's house for the weekend to get away. I'm really hoping that she or her husband can talk to him and help him out. He says that talking to me doesn't help him much because we're all in the same situation, which I totally understand. I don't have much outside perspective because I'm going through the same thing. Hopefully, they can offer suggestions/help/support which will help him. I will be so grateful when our shitty situation is finally better. I'm so sick of this and would give my left arm for a way out of this!

2009-04-13T15:49:00.002-04:00

An Update

So our Easter was pretty good. We left Thursday to pick up Little man at my parent's and stayed there over night. On Friday morning we left to head up to R's parent's house. R and I went downtown in the afternoon and window shopped. When we got back we went running, did 2.8 miles. On Friday night we just hung out there and then Saturday R, Baby M and I headed about an hour away to a bridal shower for my friend who I taught with in F.L. She is from a town near R's parent's but she lives in Mary.land now. That was really fun because I hadn't seen her since we moved away from F.L. When R and I got home we ran 5.2 miles and it felt so good!!! We were supposed to go out on Saturday night with R's friend but that ended up not working out so we didn't really do anything.

On Easter we got up and went to church, just R, me, and the kids. It was really nice and the kids behaved perfectly! When we got home R's sister was there and we hung out, had dinner, and then packed up for our four hour drive home. We left about 3:30pm and got home about 7:30pm. We were going to spend the night at my parent's house again so we didn't have such a long drive all in one day but I found a morning subbing job for today so we had to make the trip home all yesterday.

Today was great because I got to the school, waited for my assignment (I was a floater sub, moving around from class to class), and then was told they screwed up, didn't need me and that I could go home and get paid anyway. It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I got home about 9:15am. The one bad thing is that our car wouldn't start right away, the starter is going bad, so I thought I was stranded for a short moment. On the third time of turning the key and praying the car finally did start. Usually I try to schedule days near the house so I can walk if I have to or R can drive me.

R still hasn't heard anything from the job he interviewed for so if they don't call by tomorrow or Wednesday then he's going to call them. The guy was on vacation all last week so he didn't want to bombard him with a phone call today. I'm praying so hard that this job will work out!!!!!! I hate not hearing though, especially when the guy said he was going to call.

2009-04-08T16:55:00.002-04:00

Relaxing and Productive

I'm on spring break this week and so far it's been great! I made a "to-do" list on Sunday evening and have been slowly working my way through the list this week. I worked organizing and cleaning a lot on Monday and then took a little break yesterday and didn't do as much, then today I did a lot more spring cleaning. Little man has been with my mom all week so he could have a little spring break from us :) He loves visiting because he gets 100% of their attention and my mom takes him places and they do special activities, so it's definitely like a vacation for him.

Tomorrow we are headed to my parent's house to spend the night before we head up to R's parents. My parent's house is about half way so we decided rather than doing the trip all in one day that we'd just stay at my parent's and then finish the trip on Friday. We have to do the trip home all in one day because I ended up finding a half day subbing job on Monday. Originally I didn't think I'd find a job for that day since it's the day after break and teachers aren't allowed to take off but I ended up finding a half day morning job at one of the elementary schools. They are having meetings so they get subs to float around to different classrooms so that the teachers can attend their during the day meetings.

I have a busy night tonight though because I have to get everything packed so we can take off tomorrow mid morning. For some reason I scheduled myself to tutor for 3 hours tonight so I really don't have much time this evening to get packing done. I hope everyone has a nice East.er!

2009-04-05T06:13:00.002-04:00

Pet Peeve

So throughout my life there is one pet peeve that really boils my blood. If you say you are going to do something then you should do it. In college it was the infamous "I'll call you tomorrow" issued by a guy. So not that I was super pathetic and literally sat by the phone, but I did get my hopes up that the next day the phone was going to ring and that cute boy whom I met the night before would be on the line. It happens with girlfriends too, you make plans to do something and then you never hear from that person until way later and she issues some lame apology that "things got busy." I'm sure you can see where this is going. R never got a call on Friday. The guy he interviewed with, the one in charge, said that he would for sure call every candidate on Friday to let them know their status before he leaves for his week long vacation. Well our damn phone never rang. I think I'm more torn up about it than R is, every time I think about it and I start crying.

Things just don't seem right anymore. I'm a little worried because all I feel like doing is sleeping, though I don't actually give in and let myself sleep the day away. I forget to eat because nothing ever sounds good enough to eat. Exercise has pretty much fallen by the wayside. I really have no interest in relations with my husband (sorry TMI, I know) I have spontaneously started crying a lot lately. This just freaking sucks. I'm not going to allow our situation to spiral me into some stupid depression. I forced myself to go out running/walking yesterday and ended up clocking three miles, one with a 40+ pound kid in a wagon. I don't let myself take naps or sleep in terribly late even when I do get the chance. I'm going to do better about eating meals and snacks and drinking water. I can't deal with depression on top of everything else we are dealing with right now. R has been so great, trying to help me stay positive and always there for me, but I don't talk to him much about this because I don't want to pull him into it with me. Just what we need to people who get sucked into a deep depression and can't take care of our kids. Hopefully, we hear something soon or get some positive news.

2009-04-02T21:12:00.003-04:00

Scared

The phone is supposed to ring tomorrow and when R answers he has no idea if it's going to be good news or bad news, they're supposed to call either way. I just hope that they do indeed call and I'm hoping even more that it's good news. We really need good news right now, R more than anyone. We're really getting to the point where we might have to take drastic measures if this job doesn't pan out. We have no other jobs "on the table" and the guy we have our land contract with is being a big d*ck. We are getting a nice tax refund so we have enough to pay through May but literally after that we've exhausted every avenue. I'm really hoping that this is "the ONE." I'll update after the phone call. Thanks so much for all your support and prayers, I cannot say thank you enough!!!!!

2009-04-01T06:30:00.002-04:00

2 More Days

Thank you for all your kinds words and prayers! R's whole day interview went pretty well and he's going to know on Friday via a telephone call if he's making it to the next round. The only problem is that the AVP guy is then going on vacation which is going to put a halt to the process for a week, darn people thinking they need time off, lol. So if he hears on Friday that he's made it through to the next round (I feel like I'm talking about Ame.erican Ido.l or something here) then he'll have another half day interview with the AVP guy who would be his boss and the the president of the college! When did these hiring procedures become so freaking long and technical???? So if he makes it on to that round then he'll probably have that interview the week after spring break, so around the middle of Apr.il. From there they are supposed to choose a candidate. Right now there are four people including himself and they are going to bring back two people, so he has a 1 in 4 chance. Don't get me started about chances though because he had a 50% chance and a cousin in law that worked in the university for the last job and that didn't seem to help. I'm definitely going to be on edge Friday staring at the phone every minute, but let's all pray for it to ring. All we can do is take one step at a time.

On to my latest annoyance, thanks for listening. So I was supposed to sub today for a teacher. She told me yesterday that she was "definitely" taking today off and that she would set things up with me later on in the day. Well later on in the day she left school to go pick up her girls. So I left all my contact information with a note that said I could for sure do it and she never called. There were 2 other jobs today that I could have picked up but I didn't want to pick up something when I already told her I would sub for her. Needless to say it's 6:30 in the morning and I still don't know if I have a job for today or not. Next time if I have this type of situation again I'm going to include in my note, "If I don't hear from you by 7pm then I'm going to assume you don't need me and schedule another job." Hindsight sure is 20/20. Spring break starts tomorrow so I'm not going to get a job for the half day tomorrow if any teacher wants to be paid for the break. If they take off the day before or after a holiday/break then they don't get paid so I'm pretty sure that my spring break is going to start early.

I'll for sure update on Friday with the news, keep your fingers crossed that it's good!!!!!!

2009-03-29T20:56:00.002-04:00

Prayers Please

Well after all the crappy news last week, I didn't blog about the other crappy issue we had last week but bottom line we may have to have a sit down meeting with the guy we have our land contract with and may have to leave the house. We've been able to pay them the money but it has been late at times. Anyway on to the great news......R has a full day interview at a college in Michigan tomorrow. He had the phone interview on Wednesday morning and by that afternoon they were inviting him down for a full day interview. He actually has 6 different interviews with different groups of people tomorrow. Please just pray for us. I know I've been asking for prayers a lot but we really need him to get this job!!!!!!!!

2009-03-24T17:09:00.002-04:00

The Windy City Won't be Awaiting Us

R finally got word today from my cousin that he didn't get that job in her office. He can't even freaking get a job where he has family connections, WTF? Lately, I've been having the "my life sucks, why is this happening to us?" moments and he's been keeping my spirits up reminding me of my favorite motto, "Things could always be worse," but hell things are getting pretty damn bad. Of course today it was my job to try to raise his spirits but what in the hell do you say anymore. I mean it's been almost 7 months. I used to say "something will come along, don't worry, that job wasn't meant to be, blah, blah, blah, but even I'm questioning those statements at this point. I have maybe 2 good months left of subbing and I'm not so sure that's going to be enough. I'm at the point where I'm just mad:

I'm mad that we moved back to MI to be closer to family. We thought we were doing the "right" thing for our family and relatives but hindsight sure is 20/20.

I'm mad at my mom for telling me that I will scare my children if I were to move and take a job in another state and leave the family for a short time until R could find something and we could unload our house.

I'm mad at his old work because they really screwed us and apparently no one there has a conscience.

I'm made at the freaking unemployment because they are full of sh**. R was given the choice to quit or be fired, took his boss's advice to quit, and now because of that one recommended piece of advice he can't get the money that he is definitely owed after the things they put him through. I mean the man was getting physically ill working there, but according to the government "a normal person wouldn't have quit under those conditions." Like hell they wouldn't have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm mad at my husband too because he won't go get some menial job to help with the bills or something out of his field that maybe doesn't pay the best.

I'm just plain mad at pretty much everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!