This Will Be TMI
I pretty much stay PG on the blog but today I'm going R because I need to say this out loud, or rather type it out....................... I have no desire to have sex with my husband anymore. There, I said it. We get along just fine, kiss and hug, and have conversations. but the bedroom these days are just for sleeping. Well, we occasionally have sex, maybe twice per month. Something is wrong with me and I've been skirting around the issue because I don't know what my deal is.
We've been through some really tough times and I don't even remember when the problem began. After we had Baby M I remember wondering if I'd ever be the same "down there" again. Good news, I did heal and things are the same, well mostly. The desire just isn't there. I can't say it was because we had a baby because the first time that didn't happen. I know we were younger and had less stress but things weren't this bad.
I thought it was my birth control because it was progesterone only and so I thought maybe, well I was praying, that when I switched to my old birth control things would be "back to normal." Things were not back to normal and I literally could never have sex again and be alright. I don't even think about it, or want it. That can't be normal.
I'm not sure if it's psychological, the fact that my husband is the stay at home dad and I'm working, or resentment, or just stress. I can't even figure it out. All I know is that I breathe a sigh or relief when he says that he's so tired and just wants to go to sleep. He doesn't even try to seduce me or anything out of fear of being shot down. Lord knows I don't have the energy to seduce him. I've made myself just out of mercy. He doesn't make me feel bad but I do feel bad that I'm totally uninterested in sex or intimacy in general. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it!
It really sucks and I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I'm sure I could benefit from psychological help but I have to pay 50% for mental health with the insurance plan that I have and that's just out of the question. I've never had this type of problem before and it really, really sucks.
1 comment:
First, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are a completely normal person who happens to have a low sex drive. That is as normal as a person who has a high sex drive!
I can totally relate to this - sex is ALWAYS on S's mind (seriously, it's obnoxious) but I only truly feel in the mood maybe once a week. Unless of course it's around ovulation and seeing as how we're actively trying to conceive, I find myself wanting it more during those couple days.
But when we weren't TTC? I'd probably be totally cool with having sex like once a year. Seriously.
I do know though, that for me things like stress levels and insecurities can definitely affect my desires - but that is a normal thing to happen.
I remember when S and I first started dating - I wanted it more than him, but after a few months, that totally changed. It's something we struggle with (he just doesn't get it, at all), so you should feel lucky that R is okay with it!
Bottom line is - everyone is different, and you are not the only woman who feels this way. Unless it's interfering with your marriage or causing you distress, I would just let it be. Otherwise, a visit to a therapist may be able to get an some kind of underlying emotional/psychological issue. But again - having those issues are normal too!
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