Patience

There is a reason why they say that "patience is a virtue." It's pretty hard to have moral excellence when it comes to being patient. I'd like to think of myself as a fairly patient person but how long do I have to be patient? I suppose it's a life long thing, just an overall classification of you as a person. I'd like to think it was situational, where in you can be patient in certain situations but maybe not have to be patient in all situations. Who knows what kind of patient I should categorize myself as, or maybe if I can even be considered patient in the least, but I'd surly like the situation of my husband's job to work out so I can quit being so patient because it's freaking exhausting.

I'm sure most of you know that my husband lost his job almost 2 years ago. He job searched for over a year along with entering a great depression, and then finally quit waiting for a job to fall in his lap and started his own company. I guess I realized that being patient with the new company was going to be necessary and I was just happy that he out of the depression and working his butt off on something. He's gotten one paying client and tons of really meaningful work that's gotten his name out there. There problem lies in that it's been about 9 months and he's still just had that one client and done some great work but it's all been without pay. Needless to say his bills are not cheap and I don't make good money.

I bring home less that $2500 per month and I have to cover EVERYTHING. When you sit down and total up all the expenses between a family of 4, it's anything but cheap. I'd like to think of ourselves as frugal. I clip coupons and spend tons of time aligning them with sales along with planning meals based on what's on sale. We cancel our Dir.ect T..V during the summer to save money because we don't watch much T..V. in the summer. We paid our car off early along with a few other bills to cut down on the sheer number of bills we have each month. I'm teaching summer school for extra money. The list goes on and on and I'm resentful.

I resent my husband for putting us in the situation we're in. I'm so tired of being poor and having to supplement our income by charging things on my credit cards. I don't want to live like someone on the show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" but just have enough money to pay our bills and put some towards debt. I've been having a REALLY hard time lately because it just hit me that our plans of having more children is not going to happen anytime soon or really ever. We had originally planned on getting pregnant this fall but frankly, that's just insane and cannot happen due to our lack of finances. At this point it doesn't even look like our marriage is going to survive so right now I'm just trying to survive emotionally and mentally.

I'm really, really, really trying to stay positive and look on the bright side of things but it's been too long and I'm tired. Thanks for listening to my vent session!