Annoyed!

R is annoying me tonight. I'm really getting sick of the chewing and he's getting on my nerves. He never shows affection towards me unless we're having sex or during foreplay. He's gaining weight and is so freaking heavy when he's on top of me I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like the only way to get affection from him is to fucking walk around naked all day long. What incentive do I have to do anything with myself? I didn't even shower today, mainly because I didn't get a break from Little man. While he was sleeping I kinda wanted to watch the game so showering really didn't make it on the "to do" list today. It's so fucking sad, but I kinda feel like what's the point? Even when I do shower and get ready and put on make up and choose a nice outfit to wear, I don't feel like it get's me anywhere. I mean I feel good about myself, but then when he doesn't even seem to notice it kinda negates the feelings I had about myself.

It's 8:40pm on a Saturday night and you'll never guess what I am doing right now........oh this is good.........cleaning! Yes, you heard me right, I'm cleaning. Why you ask??, because the place is a mess and I don't want to have to try to do it tomorrow when Little man is actually up. It's so hard to get anything done when he's up and it's also nice to do stuff for myself when he's sleeping. Today we went for a 2 mile walk to and from the library, took a walk later on outside, and played and watched Baby Einstein. I hate living in an apartment because we don't have a yard to play in with outside toys, etc... I want a house so bad and yet I know we'll never be able to afford one, let alone get a morgage. Ahh the price of marrying a spend freak.

Well tomorrow I get to go to Walmart to do the regular weekly shopping, yeah! Just how I want to spend my Sunday. I shouldn't be writing right now because I'm super annoyed with life at the moment. Hopefully I get over it soon.