Better Mother

Things have been rough lately. I feel like I'm not cut out for staying at home and that I'm failing as a mother. In my head I have the perfect picture of how things should be for a stay at home mom, yet I know they don't play out the way I've fanisized in my head. I just wish that I had more patience, a stronger desire for playing with my child, instead all the house work and tons of other things are nagging at my attention in the back of my mind, more patience (yes, more) and a quieter voice. I've been feeling very very hormonal the past week and it's totally showing through in my parenting. I've been short fused, impatient, and easily frustrated. Poor little man is totally reacting and making it worse because he can pick up on my demeanor. I want to be positive and make this experience a great one that he can remember as an awesome time in our lives. I want to make this an awesome time too because I don't want to wish that I had a job. That feeling makes me want to cry that I would wish to be at work rather than home with my child. I mean what kind of mother feels that way???? All I can help but think, is a bad one!

We had a play date with the neighbor and she just has her stuff together! She's beautiful, all done up in the morning, the house is gorgeous, the house is clean, the kids are all put together, she loves staying at home raising her kids, she's my age, and I there I was telling her that I liked working and having my kid in daycare. WTH is wrong with me???? Why don't I totally LOVE being a stay at home mom? I'm seeing my child grow up and getting to spend these precious months and years with him. My mom was totally perfect like that, she loved playing with us, spending time with us, and always put our needs before hers. I feel so selfish because I'm having difficutly with that. I want to be a good mother but I feel like I'm not.