The Perfect Marriage Part 2 and Update



On to the other important things that make up my perfect marriage:

• Communication- We lead very busy lives and often I feel like we're ships passing by each other, which leads to not much communication. I would love to be able to have time each week where we just sit down and talk about stuff without one of us being engaged in another activity. The biggest thing I would really like to achieve is being able to effectively communicate our feelings to each other. Right at this moment it seems like something is up with R. He's been having a really sparse appetite and I just get this gut feeling that there is an underlying issue. He keeps telling me that everything is fine, but in the future I would really like to be able to talk about things that concern either or us or things that we are scared about. The kind of communication where the other person just listens and empathizes with the other, offers support where needed, and just is genuinely there for someone to talk to. We both tend to keep things in, which then leads to ill effects later on.


• Working as a team- We all know teamwork is important and I especially think that it is definitely key in our marriage because of the fact that we are so busy. I would really like to be able to find our groove where we work together to get things done and neither of us feels like we are "doing it all." We can feel comfortable asking for help when we need it and being perceptive to see times where we can step in and help out the other person. One thing I would like to achieve is just being totally aware of the situation, not being so wrapped up in what I'm doing or R so wrapped up in what he's doing that we in essence ignore the other person.

So on to the update because I'm running out of time, things have been great. R came home from work on Friday and asked me if I resented him for us leaving FL and my job. It was a very interesting question that I pondered for awhile and finally gave him an answer. I don't resent him or at least consciously resent him, but I do feel that I may resent the fact that I don't get the same recognition or respect that I did when I was working. There was a very gratifying feeling that came along with teaching and just working with colleagues and children on a daily basis. There was respect from the students, other teachers, and administrators, overall I just felt as though I was being productive and making a difference. (I know that sounds cliche') Being a stay at home mom is gratifying, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I really miss that respect and recognition. I tried to explain to him that now there isn't anyone telling me that I did a really great job on something or that when he leaves a mess that doesn't show respect for the job I've done, which is cleaning. I think I resent that rather than him. We've been doing really well and I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.

Another thing that has helped a lot is just getting away from the house/family for a couple hours. I had school work to catch up on this weekend so I went to Paner.a for a couple hours to enjoy the free WiF.i and lunch. I managed to get all my school work done and then came home feeling better and more refreshed. I'm going to try the same thing this weekend. I forget about "me" time a lot. Sure, I have time here and there to catch a TV show or read but it's the actual getting away from the house that really helps. It makes time that I spend with R so much better too because there aren't a ton of things on my mind and I'm more focused on him. He also offered to catch up on cleaning and doing things around the house on the weekends since he knows he slacks during the week. The deal was though that I had to get out of the house and do something so he could have time to get the things done.

In conclusion, it seems as though we are making headway. I read an interesting article today about how marriage is strained the most when you have kids 0-3 years of age, which I can totally relate to. I think after the day is through there isn't much of me left to give to my husband, so hopefully that will change a bit. We've been very successful at making time for each other and hopefully it will keep up. I've also been focusing on not trying to be super mom and adjusting my priorities because it saves me from stressing.