Good Times Can't Last Forever

So R and I are on the rocks again. We went to his friend's wedding last night and I didn't know anyone, so I felt a bit out of place. He introduced me to a couple that was sitting at our table and then a few other people that we casually met as we mingled around. As the night wore on he kept leaving me at the table, one of the times was when he went to talk to the bride. If the couple (G&K) was at the table I didn't feel awkward but there were several times that I was sitting there alone or there was one other couple across the table. I always get antsy and very uncomfortable sitting alone. I feel like the whole room is staring at me. That was one of the reasons I used to smoke (I know it's a terrible reason!) but I didn't feel quite so alone when I was smoking. I politely asked him if he wouldn't mind not leaving me alone when there wasn't anyone else at the table and the icing on the cake was when he said he was going to the bathroom, left for over 20 minutes (which mind you, feels like eternity when you are sitting alone) and then was out on the patio having a cigarette. He sometimes wants one when he's drinking and last summer he had one and told me to not let him have one again because he disliked it. I was trying to talk him out of it so he lied to me and went out anyway. I was more angry that I was sitting alone than the fact that he had a cigarette. I ended up not being so polite about the leaving me alone thing and then he got mad and of course we left.

I probably wouldn't have been so inclined to go there if I had experienced two other incidents earlier in the day. One being when I dropped him off at work and was getting ready to go, he said, "well I have work I need to get started on" (not in a voice that was just stating a fact, but in a it's time for you to go NOW kind of voice). Needless to say I left the office with tears welling in my eye because I was basically kind of waiting for a hug/kiss/you have a good day, I'll call you about what time we are going to have lunch. I just stated "geez, it's not like I was staying all morning" and left. The other incident was a conversation early yesterday morning where we discussed him buying season football tickets. I just wanted him to get one set since we don't have much money but then he explained to me that if he got 2 sets then he could sell the tickets he didn't need but still have the option of taking Little man or me to some of the games. I thought this was reasonable since he could sell the ones he didn't need. So that was the end of the conversation. The next thing I hear about it was later that afternoon he IM'ed me and said that he had gotten one set of tickets. I said something to the effect of "I thought we decided that you were going to get two sets." and he said that he didn't remember talking about it that morning. Now granted it was early but damn, how could you not remember our conversation. So that just seemed for some reason to rub more salt into a wound that had started with the comment in the morning.

I was really trying to just shake both things off and didn't really want to bring it up before the wedding but adding the leaving me at the table alone several times and I just turned into b*tchy wife. He of course yelled at me that he wasn't my keeper and if I couldn't function on my own in social situations then we weren't going to anymore. I know that's something that I'm not good at and realize that I probably need to address that with our therapist, but then again, I observed the other husbands/boyfriends and I can't say that I noticed many others leaving their wives/girlfriends at the table alone while they went off and gallivanted around. It was more that he didn't seem to be aware of my feelings or the situation. He of course doesn't view it that way so I'm on the losing end of this disagreement. I feel weddings are like date nights where you kind of stay with the person you came with or leave at times when they know someone and can feel comfortable. I tried to explain to him that I would never take him to a friend of mine's wedding and leave him alone and then he mentioned that I did at my friend K's wedding. I WAS IN THE WEDDING, like I had any choice on that one! Plus my parents were there so he at least knew family and could have mingled with them at awkward times. Plus, R is used to social situations where he doesn't know anyone and can talk to a wall for hours if he knew it would listen. I wasn't expecting to have to be in that situation last night and then with the other events that had occurred it was too much for me to handle.

I'm not trying to pawn off responsibility, I know it's a problem that I have and an area that needs improvement. Also, it's not like I get a whole lot of experience being a stay at home mom, not too many social functions to go to in my line of work. So anyway, hopefully I can work on this skill and become better in the future.