Sad

I'm supposed to be in the Bah.amas right now. One of my college friends who was a bridesmaid in my wedding is getting married today and I'm not going to be there. We were really close to booking the trip but I put it off, then R lost his job, so I guess it's a good thing we didn't book the trip, but I'm still sad. I'm missing a vacation, my friend's wedding, and a great birthday weekend in a warm place, all because of the stupid choice we made to move back closer to family. Man, if I could reverse one decision in my life, it would be this. I have always taken the stance that I have no regrets in life because all my life experiences have taught me something, blah, blah, blah, but this I have to say is a regret. There's no pretty way to paint this situation we are in right now and yes I'm learning a great deal and it's humbling, and we'll never take anything for granted again, but in the end, it's sucks. Don't get me wrong I'm thankful for all the great things we do have; our health, marriage, kids, family, house, etc.... but I'm definitely worn out. I feel like I've grown 10 years in just one year. I'm sure there are worry lines that wouldn't be there right now had we not gone through this, I just feel a whole lot older than I am.

Tuesday is my 29th birthday and I'm not even excited, it just seems like another year. I can't actually ask for any presents because I have to be practical and use my birthday money and present wishes on things that are going to keep our family afloat. I asked my mom for face moisturizer because I'm running out and it's expensive. I asked R for a label maker because disorganization in the house makes my life seem like it's going to end. I'm placing my birthday money into the bank account to just to add to our "general fund." This whole situation f-ing sucks and it's really getting freaking old.

R went to a job fair yesterday in IN but it was pretty much a waste of time. They had a list of all these great companies that were going to be there so he thought it would be really worth the time and driving. Turns out none of them were hiring, just answering questions about their company and directing people to look on their website for possible future job openings, WTF???? Isn't the purpose of a job fair to find people to fill actual job openings?????? He only gave out 4 resumes, so pretty much a waste of money in gas. He does have a phone interview at a small private college on Wednesday so let's hope that they like him and give him an in person interview.

Ok, well it's time for me to be happy, I had my 15 minutes of sadness and b**ching. Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I'm really hoping the weather turns out nice today to keep my mind off of the warm Bah.amas!