I Hate Waiting!

Well we're just waiting to hear now about R's interview. He thought it went well but is rather reserved in making judgements because he's been turned down so many times when he's thought the interview went well. He doesn't know what the time line is, just that there were no internal candidates. He ended up staying that the Ri.tz Car.lton and had a personal car taking him to and from the airport so that was pretty cool. They definitely spent a lot of money on him, hope it turns out to be worth it on their part. They haven't seemed to really dawdle in the process thus far so we're thinking sometime this week he should know something. I'll keep everyone posted, we're praying it's good news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are You Kidding?????

I didn't make it to the job fair, though I did get dressed up in my suit, print off my resumes, and drive about 30 minutes........then the car broke down. The car that my parents just brought down this past Sunday for me to use. The car that is supposed to be reliable. I was stuck along an expressway with cars zooming by, the tow truck took an hour, and then I got to ride with the driver back to where we live because we took it to the same place R's car was just at last week getting fixed. Life sure is super! So not only did I not get to the job fair I also missed out on $90 because I could have subbed today.

WHOA

I don't even know where to begin. My mom confronted me today with the fact that she thinks R has narcissisti.c personal.ity disorder and my day ended with my husband agreeing about that and asking for help. I don't even recognize my life anymore, what the hell happened to me? I feel like I'm stuck in one of those dreams where you are trying desperately to wake up and can't. My mom also went off on me for R spending money on things like gas to places that are unnecessary, beer (before the incident), etc.... Also, telling me that there's a reason why none of my extended family has invited him to be friends on Fac.ebook. So yeah, total bashing R night and I'm stuck in the middle trying to figure out whether to scream and defend or just sit quietly. R is so desperate for help that he started crying and asking me what he should do. I told him to call my parent's because they seem to know what to do and what his problems are. He talked to them for awhile, e-mailed him mom asking for money for therapy and then e-mailed his sister apologizing for an argument that they got in earlier. He's as low as possible right now and I don't know what to say/do/feel/etc... Why does life have to be this hard? Right now I'm jealous of the people that have great lives and never have any problems (maybe they aren't real, but there are people out there that seem to have everything always work out for them) I'm hoping to wake up from this nightmare soon!

Weekend Away

I took R and Little man to meet R's sister and her husband tonight after work. I got a job in a first grade classroom today at the elementary school that I cancelled at on Thursday, it went fine and they were super nice so hopefully I didn't ruin my reputation there. I just got off the phone with one of my best friend's that I've known her whole life (she's two years younger than me so I've known her ever since she was born :) She moved down to FL and live with R and I for several months until she got on her feet and she's doing great and has made a great life for herself down there. I can tell her everything that's going on and not have to sugar coat or sensor the details. It was so nice to talk to her and here about what's going on in her life and have her listen to what we're going through. We chatted for almost three hours and I feel so much better. I'm a friends person, love talking on the phone and keeping in close contact with them, yet with being so busy sometimes sadly they get pushed aside. I should have listened to her though, she was the only one that told us we were crazy to move back to MI and boy was she ever right!

I'm really hoping that this weekend away will be good for R and just give me a break. I just have Baby M so I'll be able to have a lighter responsibility load this weekend which given the events of this week is much needed. We got the car back today and it ended up costing $667.65. R's parent's covered it which was awesome but I really hate at our age that we have to have help from our parents. My parents called and told me that they are bringing my mom's car down to me so that we have another vehicle to use because my dad finally got a new car. They aren't giving me the same one back because it's been giving the problems so they want to keep it close to home in case it acts up again. I can't thank them enough, but again, it's very hard to be grown in this situation and have to take hand outs from people.

One thing that's been bothering me is that I feel like I have to stick up for R to other people. My parent's think that he needs an interview coach because he keeps getting turned down for jobs. He's landed several jobs just fine but apparently now they think that he needs help interviewing. Maybe he does but I feel like I'm constantly having to stick up for my husband and that's not a fun place to be. I guess my cousin thinks that some of R's questions he told her he was going to ask during the Chica.go interview weren't good questions to ask, and apparently she told him she didn't think that he should ask them, which I have no idea if he did or not, so that led to their conclusion about the interview coach. The question that she didn't think was good was "Would you pay for my membership to ____ and _____ professional organizations if I got this job?" Apparently they are tight wads and don't provide pens to their employees without a bunch of red tape, but seriously would one simple question lead them not to hire R and go for the woman who had 12 years experience. I mean come on, seriously, was that the deal breaker. Are we in a day and age where people can't even ask information questions to possible future employers without fear that they won't get hired? I bolded and italicized woman because they are the minority in his line of work and he tends to get passed over for jobs and they end up hiring a woman.

I guess we are at the point where we just have to do whatever people tell us to do because then at least we can show them that we are taking advice and we can all experience together whether or not the advice pans out. I just feel like people who aren't in the situation and have no idea what it's like to be here have a hard time telling people who are in the situation what to do. However, I think that may be the answer, just do everything people tell us to do because apparently we are sucking at figuring it out so maybe our elders have a better grasp on reality and what we should be doing. It's really hard being in this situation though because I don't want to be in the position to tell my husband what he should and shouldn't be doing and I don't really want my parent's telling him what to do because I don't think that would feel good. Up until now I've tried to suggest things and not make it seem like I'm being the mother and telling him what to do, but I guess not that the end of the school year is right around the corner I need to be more persistent and forceful.

I have so much on my mind right now and my brain is just so tired of it all, I'm going to bed so at least I can get 6-8 hours of time where I can just forget all this is happening and recharge my body and mind. Sleep is by far the best thing I have going in my life right now, but getting to sleep is sometimes very challenging.

When Will This End????

So yet another rejection from the job that R had a freaking 25% change of getting. It was between him and three others and needless to say he didn't make the cut. They called and told him that they hired someone and it wasn't him. So much for being "perfect" for the job and having all the right credentials and experience. Why the hell do they even say that shit and get our hopes up, don't they know we eat that up and get excited for what may be the break we are praying for? This was pretty much the last straw. R officially had a nervous breakdown last night. I had to cancel my subbing job for today because I was pretty sure he was not able to take care of the kids today. We're still without a vehicle because ours is in the shop getting a new starter so I had to call the neighbor again to take Little man to school.

I called R's sister to get his parent's number last night because I didn't know what to do. He had some drinks and then led to pretty much drowning his sorrows in alcohol and then the rest of the night was a mess. The cops ended up getting called by R because he felt he was out of control. They ended up leaving him here but just tried to diffuse the situation. He feels terrible today and very sorry, he just doesn't know what to do. I should have known something like this was going to happen eventually because rejection after rejection is pretty much going to beat a person down until they can't take it anymore.

R is taking Little man and going to his sister's house for the weekend to get away. I'm really hoping that she or her husband can talk to him and help him out. He says that talking to me doesn't help him much because we're all in the same situation, which I totally understand. I don't have much outside perspective because I'm going through the same thing. Hopefully, they can offer suggestions/help/support which will help him. I will be so grateful when our shitty situation is finally better. I'm so sick of this and would give my left arm for a way out of this!

An Update

So our Easter was pretty good. We left Thursday to pick up Little man at my parent's and stayed there over night. On Friday morning we left to head up to R's parent's house. R and I went downtown in the afternoon and window shopped. When we got back we went running, did 2.8 miles. On Friday night we just hung out there and then Saturday R, Baby M and I headed about an hour away to a bridal shower for my friend who I taught with in F.L. She is from a town near R's parent's but she lives in Mary.land now. That was really fun because I hadn't seen her since we moved away from F.L. When R and I got home we ran 5.2 miles and it felt so good!!! We were supposed to go out on Saturday night with R's friend but that ended up not working out so we didn't really do anything.

On Easter we got up and went to church, just R, me, and the kids. It was really nice and the kids behaved perfectly! When we got home R's sister was there and we hung out, had dinner, and then packed up for our four hour drive home. We left about 3:30pm and got home about 7:30pm. We were going to spend the night at my parent's house again so we didn't have such a long drive all in one day but I found a morning subbing job for today so we had to make the trip home all yesterday.

Today was great because I got to the school, waited for my assignment (I was a floater sub, moving around from class to class), and then was told they screwed up, didn't need me and that I could go home and get paid anyway. It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I got home about 9:15am. The one bad thing is that our car wouldn't start right away, the starter is going bad, so I thought I was stranded for a short moment. On the third time of turning the key and praying the car finally did start. Usually I try to schedule days near the house so I can walk if I have to or R can drive me.

R still hasn't heard anything from the job he interviewed for so if they don't call by tomorrow or Wednesday then he's going to call them. The guy was on vacation all last week so he didn't want to bombard him with a phone call today. I'm praying so hard that this job will work out!!!!!! I hate not hearing though, especially when the guy said he was going to call.

Pet Peeve

So throughout my life there is one pet peeve that really boils my blood. If you say you are going to do something then you should do it. In college it was the infamous "I'll call you tomorrow" issued by a guy. So not that I was super pathetic and literally sat by the phone, but I did get my hopes up that the next day the phone was going to ring and that cute boy whom I met the night before would be on the line. It happens with girlfriends too, you make plans to do something and then you never hear from that person until way later and she issues some lame apology that "things got busy." I'm sure you can see where this is going. R never got a call on Friday. The guy he interviewed with, the one in charge, said that he would for sure call every candidate on Friday to let them know their status before he leaves for his week long vacation. Well our damn phone never rang. I think I'm more torn up about it than R is, every time I think about it and I start crying.

Things just don't seem right anymore. I'm a little worried because all I feel like doing is sleeping, though I don't actually give in and let myself sleep the day away. I forget to eat because nothing ever sounds good enough to eat. Exercise has pretty much fallen by the wayside. I really have no interest in relations with my husband (sorry TMI, I know) I have spontaneously started crying a lot lately. This just freaking sucks. I'm not going to allow our situation to spiral me into some stupid depression. I forced myself to go out running/walking yesterday and ended up clocking three miles, one with a 40+ pound kid in a wagon. I don't let myself take naps or sleep in terribly late even when I do get the chance. I'm going to do better about eating meals and snacks and drinking water. I can't deal with depression on top of everything else we are dealing with right now. R has been so great, trying to help me stay positive and always there for me, but I don't talk to him much about this because I don't want to pull him into it with me. Just what we need to people who get sucked into a deep depression and can't take care of our kids. Hopefully, we hear something soon or get some positive news.

I Could Eat My Weight in Cake

It's been one of those weeks. I have a serious sweet tooth to begin with but when things get stressful the sweets sure do call my name. This week has just been very busy and unfortunately my husband watching the b.ball tournament=nothing done around the house. I absolutely hate walking in the door, exhausted after a day at work and it looking like a tornado has blown threw the inside! The past two days have been especially bad and it's put me in the worst mood. To top things off R is getting sick once again (the kiddos have colds and aren't feeling well). He gets sick so freaking much, it really drives me nuts. I have no patience for people who get sick all the time. There are precautions you can take to ward off colds and illnesses, and apparently he didn't get the memo!

One reason this week has been crazy is that my neighbor (the pregnant one who was due on Easter) had her baby on Wednesday. I got a call late on my birthday asking me if I could take care of their dogs because she had to go to the hospital with complications. They ended up inducing her Wed. morning and she had the baby at 1:30pm on Wed. So needless to say I helped out by going over three times a day to take care of the dogs (feed them, let them out, take them for walks, etc....) I also washed some dishes and made some food for them. The baby ended up having to be taken to the NIC.U at another hospital so she wasn't even with the baby and the dad was having to go between two hospitals to see his wife and the baby. Just an overall crazy situation that I wasn't planning on dealing with this week. I was more than happy to help but it definitely added to the busyness of the week.

My birthday was nice, we at least got to go out to dinner without the kiddos so yay for date night, which has been non existent for months. R made me a cake and got me the label maker that I wanted so bad!!!!! My birthday last year was so great that this year didn't quite measure up. It was nice only working a half day and getting out at 10:30am. The class ended up having a student teacher so I really didn't have to do anything. I worked a half day on Wednesday too because R said he had a phone interview on Wed morning at 9am. As it turns out he screwed up the dates and it's actually next Wed. the 25th at 9am. He even got a confirmation e-mail with the correct date and time and it still didn't click in his mind. So I could have worked a whole day on Wed, very annoying. I feel like he needs to do a much better job with the planner or palm pilot or something to keep organized. He's been forgetting a lot of things that he's supposed to do lately even though I've been verbally reminding him several times. That's another reason why I've been so ticked off lately.

I really hope the weekend goes smooth and that R isn't going to be out of commission all weekend.

Sad

I'm supposed to be in the Bah.amas right now. One of my college friends who was a bridesmaid in my wedding is getting married today and I'm not going to be there. We were really close to booking the trip but I put it off, then R lost his job, so I guess it's a good thing we didn't book the trip, but I'm still sad. I'm missing a vacation, my friend's wedding, and a great birthday weekend in a warm place, all because of the stupid choice we made to move back closer to family. Man, if I could reverse one decision in my life, it would be this. I have always taken the stance that I have no regrets in life because all my life experiences have taught me something, blah, blah, blah, but this I have to say is a regret. There's no pretty way to paint this situation we are in right now and yes I'm learning a great deal and it's humbling, and we'll never take anything for granted again, but in the end, it's sucks. Don't get me wrong I'm thankful for all the great things we do have; our health, marriage, kids, family, house, etc.... but I'm definitely worn out. I feel like I've grown 10 years in just one year. I'm sure there are worry lines that wouldn't be there right now had we not gone through this, I just feel a whole lot older than I am.

Tuesday is my 29th birthday and I'm not even excited, it just seems like another year. I can't actually ask for any presents because I have to be practical and use my birthday money and present wishes on things that are going to keep our family afloat. I asked my mom for face moisturizer because I'm running out and it's expensive. I asked R for a label maker because disorganization in the house makes my life seem like it's going to end. I'm placing my birthday money into the bank account to just to add to our "general fund." This whole situation f-ing sucks and it's really getting freaking old.

R went to a job fair yesterday in IN but it was pretty much a waste of time. They had a list of all these great companies that were going to be there so he thought it would be really worth the time and driving. Turns out none of them were hiring, just answering questions about their company and directing people to look on their website for possible future job openings, WTF???? Isn't the purpose of a job fair to find people to fill actual job openings?????? He only gave out 4 resumes, so pretty much a waste of money in gas. He does have a phone interview at a small private college on Wednesday so let's hope that they like him and give him an in person interview.

Ok, well it's time for me to be happy, I had my 15 minutes of sadness and b**ching. Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I'm really hoping the weather turns out nice today to keep my mind off of the warm Bah.amas!

Weekend Update

This weekend seemed to go so fast! On Friday I took the day off from work so we could go to my parent's for the weekend. I wanted to get pictures taken of the boys on our way up so we could have them to give to people at Little man's party. I made the appt. for pictures at 10:20am, which was hell to get packed and out the door in time to make it to the appt. I had good reasons for making it early but I didn't do such a hot job of getting everything packed up the night before. Instead, I woke up at 6am on my day off to get everything around. We got to my parent's house around 2:30 after eating lunch and making the drive.

Saturday my mom and I had a baby shower to go to so that took up the middle of the day. Baby M slept so bad on Friday night so I was a zombie on Saturday. After the shower we just hung around, ordered pizza and then decorated Little man's cake. He had a Wa.ll.-E birthday cake and it turned out soooo cute.

Today was his party and it went great. My mom made pulled pork sandwiches, had veggies and dip and chips and then my aunt brought macaroni salad. R's parents made the drive so it was nice to see them and for them to see the kids. It has been pretty much 6 months since they had seen Baby M and then 5 months since they'd seen Little man. We stayed until 4:30pm and then drove home in terrible downpouring rain. It's so gross here in MI right now! I cannot wait for things to green up and all the ugly brown to be gone.

So we're now short one car due to my dad's wreck :( I no longer have a car so R is going to have to drive me to work and pick me up, which is going to be a huge pain in the butt. The car I was driving was my parent's car. They had extra cars and they graciously let me borrow that car so that I would have transportation for dr's appts when I was preggo or for work when I started subbing. I'm really hoping that my dad finds another car soon so I can have it back because well it was fine not having a car when I was just staying at home with Little man, it's definitely going to be an inconvenience now. I can drive our car if Little man doesn't have preschool or anything going on. Tomorrow the boys have dr's appts so I will have to be driven to work and I'll need to either find a ride home or walk the 2 1/2 miles because their appt's won't be done in time to pick me up. The icing on the cake.......R got the letter stating that an average person would not have resigned in his situation so of course they denied his unemployment. I'm just so mad because we deserve that money after they way they treated him and it's $4300 which would help us out sooooo much right now!

Sometimes Being an Adult Sucks

Do you ever wish that you were back in college just going to class, working part time, and doing homework? The most important thing in life seemed to be finding the perfect weekend plans while managing to find time to work in homework and studying. Thinking back to college it felt like I never had enough time in the day but man was I delirious. I had all the time in the world back then and I didn't even realize it, nor did I seem to ever fathom that later on in life I'd find out what having serious responsiblities and being busy "really" meant. Well I'm here in the real world as an adult with real responsibilities and experiencing what busy really means, and I have to say sometimes I just want to run and scream and go back in time to when life wasn't really busy.

After work I went out to my car and it wouldn't start. It turned over and really acted like it wanted to start but it just wouldn't. I walked home, luckily I was at the elementary school pretty close to my house, and called the nearest dealership. The guy there was really nice and took all my information. Then I called my roadside assistance so that I could get a tow truck to tow the car to the dealership. I drove back to the school (meanwhile it started raining pretty hard) and waited for the tow truck. After standing in the rain to get everything all squared away the tow truck left with my car. The guy from the dealership is going to call tomorrow with the report as to what's wrong. I work tomorrow and it's at a school that's farther away from the house so R is going to have to drive me which means loading up the kids at 8am so that I can get to work and then picking me up in the afternoon.

I'm happy that I was able to get everything taken care of and after tomorrow the schools have Friday through Monday off so I won't have to worry about getting to work for the next four days. Work today was really good. I had a first grade class and there were only 20 kids in the class but two were absent. It was nice just having 18 kids all day. The kids were really good too, so that was really nice. R got his final e-mail today and can begin subbing so hopefully we'll be able to have my mom come down and both work for a couple weeks before she goes back to work full time.

R is getting SUPER frustrated because he still hasn't heard anything from the job in Chic.ago. I sure wish he would just hear one way or the other. I'm pretty much just making myself believe that it's a no go because then if he does end up getting it I'll be that much more excited, but if he doesn't then I'll have set myself up and be prepared for the disappointment. It will be three weeks on Friday since he's interviewed which seems like more than enough time to tell him one way or the other. Pray that we hear something soon, even if it's not good news at least we'll know.

What Gives???

So low and behold I'm getting sick again. I never used to get sick, though being in a classroom with third graders built up my immune system pretty good. Since I was home with Little man we didn't get exposed to much and now getting back into the classrooms I'm sure it's going to take time to get it built back up. I've been kinda bad about taking my multivitamin too so I really need to be sure I pop that everyday. I really try to eat healthy and for the most part I do a good job, but junk food is so darn good.

R still hasn't heard anything from that job in Chi.cago, other than them calling asking him to explain his current situation. We're kinda thinking that maybe it's not going to work out, just doesn't seem very promising. He's really feeling bad because people harp so much about networking and using your networks and he's been doing just that and now this is the third time that networks have failed. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to have to tell him he's got to go get a night job. I can't believe that it's already February, June will be right around the corner. Well actually May is going to be when subbing and tutoring starts to dwindle and by June it's going to be non existent. He's absolutely GOT to find something by then. We are running out of time.

Speaking of my work.....I didn't get a job today. I had a half day scheduled for tomorrow but it got cancelled today along with two other jobs that I had scheduled at the end of the month. I got some scheduled for March today, but that doesn't help me with this next pay period. They have a couple days off for presid.ent's day weekend too so it's a short pay period to begin with. I hope that R gets the e-mail soon that he can start subbing so hopefully one of us will be able to work on any given day. Hopefully I find something for tomorrow!

How Much Longer?

January was not good to us. There were several days that I didn't get sub jobs and then my tutoring hours were few and far between. The pay period ended today and I only ended up with 6 days. My tutoring money is WAY less than normal so needless to say I'm not sure if we're going to have enough money to get through the first couple weeks of February. I called WI..C today and made an appointment for February 21st because we definitely need the food. I also left a message for our D..HS specialist so we can set up a meeting and hopefully qualify for food stamps and bill assistance. In the mean time I'm still working on figuring out how to come up with some extra cash to pay our bills. It's really hard to not get sad and depressed. I'm having a really hard time lately. I have been allowing myself to cry in the shower but then after my shower is done, I acknowledge that times are not easy and I've allowed myself to feel bad for 5-10 minutes but for the rest of the day I'm positive and realize that all we can do is try our best. Here are some things that I am so happy about, it helps to focus on these things:

• Little man has developed a sense of humor within in the past couple weeks and just cracks us up several times per day. He amazes me everyday with the things that come out of his mouth.
• Baby M is rolling over from back to belly now. He's makings tons of new noises and sounds and laughs a lot. He's sleeping better and eating cereal, veggies and fruits now.
• The sunshine, though it's cold just seeing the sun and feeling a bit of warmth from it reassures me that spring will be here eventually.
• Our house...I really love it and it's comforting to know that it's filled with love and family memories. One of my favorite things in the house is a ceramic mallard duck, it looks like a big Christmas tree ornament and it's hanging above our sink. It belonged to my great aunt. We bought it for her as a gift and when she died I asked for it back so that I could always have her looking over us. She was a great and wonderful person, a teacher, and the most patient and loving woman.

Well I could keep adding to the list but I need to get to bed because we just put Baby M down and I want to get as much sleep as possible before his next feeding.

The Waiting Game

So R's interview went well but if you recall it seems like every one he has goes well, just not well enough apparently. So we're left right now waiting, which is by far the worst place to be. Jobs never seem to get back to you fast enough and then when they do finally get back the news never seems great. We're hoping that this job is different since my cousin works there and put in a good word for R partnered with the fact that they were impressed with this experience and computer skills. I'll keep everyone posted, hope it doesn't take forever to find out. I'm just hoping he gets it because if he can't even land a job where he has a big time hook up then we're in bigger trouble that we thought.

I'd love to keep writing and update you on the rest of our life but Baby M just woke up so I'll try to write more another time.

Wish Him Luck

R is interviewing in Chicago today at 12pm EST for a job at a university as their alumni director. Please, please pray and cross your fingers that he gets this job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just start crying every time I think about it, because we NEED this so bad. The sad thing is that I can't even get my hopes up for interviews anymore because it's been our experience that nothing ever comes of them. I'm just hoping with all my might that this time is different. Thanks so much for all your thoughts and prayers. I'll catch up on blogging one of these days.

Wonderful Morning

My title is dripping with sarcasm. Actually it was a wonderful morning until approximately 8am when my credit card company called to tell me that I didn't pay this month. There must be a mistake, right, nope I just plain forgot a payment to one of my cards this month. It got all ironed out but the problem is that I now I have to pay $128 instead of my regular $80. I haven't been getting many subbing jobs so this is going to be a problem. I'm not going to have money carry over for next month to pay our beginning of the month bills. I hate when our situation comes into clear reality, it's so hard to stay positive and happy. Anyway, hopefully the day/weekend will pick up from here. I can't dwell because there's nothing I can do at the moment.

Thanks, But No Thanks

So the job from Omah.a called today. R was out running so I took a message. I suppose I got my hopes up because in this day and age they don't call you to reject you, right?? Well I was wrong, they told him that he didn't make the cut. It was at least nice the guy was considerate enough to call and let him know, rather than just letting him find it out on his own, but equally disappointing. Let's hope Chica.go works out!

Easy Day

I subbed in a fifth grade class today. I've been in this class before so I know the kids and they know me. It was a very easy sub day because the kids had art for an hour and a half this morning, then lunch was shortly after that and this afternoon we went over to the other fifth grade class to watch a movie. Today was their "holiday party" because they had a snow day the Friday before break. The kids had read Tu.ck Ever.lasting and so they got to watch the movie to see how it compared to the book. I had a good day and I was able to schedule another job for Janu.ary 21st. It's the make up day from the sub job that was cancelled this past Wed.

Next week guess how many jobs that I have scheduled........none. I was supposed to have two days but then those got cancelled earlier this week. I'm really hoping that jobs open up. As it is they don't have school on Friday or Monday because of a teacher planning day and then ML.K J.r. day. I wish a long term position would just open up so I could know what I was doing everyday. It's nice having variety but it also gets annoying when you don't know where you are going to be from day to day. R is going to a meeting in early Febru.ary to get signed up to sub in some nearby districts that don't require you to be a certified teacher. That way if I can't get a job he can pick up one, or at least that's the idea.

We don't have any plans for the weekend. Hopefully I can get my house cleaned and finally get all the Chris.tmas decorations put away (yeah, I'm slow). I have been doing good with the exercising so I'm hoping to keep that up. Tonight I ran for 25 minutes (thank God for my cold weather running gear that I got for Christ.mas) and I feel really good. I've found that I need variety in order to not get bored. I'm doing running, strength training and the exercise bike. I want to work in yoga because I have a really weak core and it is affecting my running and strength training. Next, I have to focus on my eating. I love sweets and snacks and I really just need to be better at planning out meals and snacks so I don't get overly hungry and reach for junk. I know part of it's emotional too, I'll admit sweets make me feel better in our crappy situation.

Last night I found myself really missing F.L We were watching the Nation.al Champion.ship game and it was in Mia.mi, literally like 5 minutes from where we used to live. It brought back a flood of memories and my eyes definitely teared up, and I found myself trying my best to hold back tears. I know our situation now is less than ideal and I wouldn't trade it for anything because we are learning that there's more to life than "things" but it's also hard to deal with sometimes. I miss our life when we had insurance, money, warm weather, despite other things. I'm not saying that I regret moving back to MI but there are times when I miss our "old" life. Some days when I sub I find myself longing to go back to work. I do miss having my own classroom at times and it's hard sometimes to think about the day when I did have my own classroom and I was making the decisions and impacting children.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend!

Losing Hope

So I didn't get a sub job again today, and not only did I not get a job I also had two more cancelled on me. This time I at least got a call from a school secretary before they were cancelled and I also got an explanation. The teacher was going to a training and it was full so she couldn't get in, therefore, they didn't need me. It sucks, but it was at least nice to have some forewarning along with an explanation. I don't have any jobs scheduled for next week, so hopefully I'll be able to get some soon. Luckily, I have a job tomorrow that hasn't been cancelled so at least I'll be working two days out of this week!

The second thing that's really bugging me is my online tutoring job. I've been working for this company for about 4 1/2 years and I'm still at the Tutor 1 level. You start out as a probationary tutor and then move up to Tutor 1, 2, and 3. Well after working for this long I feel as though I should have been promoted by now. I do work my butt off and yet my mentor always finds some issues with my work. Apparently, you have to be 100% perfect, 100% of the time in order to move up. My issue is that I'm meeting the goals she's setting and nothing ever seems good enough. I'm sick of online tutoring yet I don't have the option to just give it up because we need the money. I feel as though they should bring up problems that repeatedly show up in your sessions. If something happens once or isn't a repeated problem is it really worth bringing up? I just feel like they are so picky. We just got our pay cut because of the stupid economy so not being promoted and losing pay is just icing on the cake.

I'm just getting really frustrated. This situation is just getting old. I've been so positive and optimistic but I really am having a hard time keeping that up. I know that things have got to get better but then I start to really wonder if things will in fact get better because as far as 2009 goes it seems as though things are getting worse. I just hope that we'll be back on our feet by June when my subbing and tutoring will spot.

How Time Flies!

I can't believe that I'm already 29 weeks along, that means roughly 11 more weeks! That doesn't really seem like very much time at all and I feel like I have so much going on between then and now. I think reality will really set in when the dr's appts. get more frequent.

I'm busy trying to figure out a menu for my cousin's bridal shower. We are going for an elegant type theme and trying to avoid the graduation open house type food but we also don't want to make a lot of work for ourselves. My mom and I are both very busy so we can't afford too much prep work. I think I've decided that we'll do 2-3 different types of sandwiches, cucumber, chicken salad and smoked turkey, we need a couple different salads, I found a recipe for a fruit salad, and then we'll have a vegetable, cheese and olive tray. I'm so wishing this was a brunch now because that seems like it would be so much easier!!!!!

My classes are plugging right along! I have like 2 more weeks of one and then the other gets done mid July. I got a lot done last Friday when I worked all day but I still have the projects and 10 assessment links to find, respond to, and post a discussion about. I'm going to need another whole day I think to work on everything. Luckily this weekend is one of our only free weekends the whole summer so I'll need to spend either Saturday or Sunday on that class. Self paced classes are sometimes much harder for me because I am able to put things off.

R and I are doing better. I think we are better able to deal with conflicts and work things out. His work is just really straining our relationship. I've never been in this type of situation before and then he's never had a job like this before and it's SO difficult trying to cope with the situation. Then adding in money, the new baby, and then just being busy into the mix, it's crazy and very stressful at times. Well I have to get going with our day so we can get tons accomplished :o)