A Break

I'm taking this week off from subbing because R is going to be in Denv.er for a conference. It was something he was already scheduled to do before the job loss thing so they were still cool with him presenting even though he wasn't technically working at his job any more. I'm going to be with the kiddos all week by myself, we'll see how it goes! Things are going really crappy right now and I seriously just want to see in the future to know how this is all going to end up. Still no job prospects for R and still no unemployment money. He for some reason doesn't really seem too motivated to get his a** in gear to get the unemployment money or at least figure out what the process is and follow up to see if he's eligible. I did remind him to call the automated system on Thursday so he did do that but we still don't know if he's even eligible. He also hasn't really been applying to any jobs. The whole deal is just pissing me off. I know he doesn't have a lot of time but if I were in his shoes I think I would be doing everything in my power to take care of my family.

I'm seriously ready to have a mental break down. Baby M is going through these terribly fussy periods, not sure if it's colic or what. They happen pretty much ever night from like 8-11 or 12am. He's still waking up every 2 hours at night to feed so I feel like I'm not getting any sleep. I feel like by now he should be able to go more than 2 hours in between feedings. I think my milk supply is to blame, it feels like it may have gone down since I've been unable to pump as much since I've started subbing. Luckily, I'm off this week so I can work diligently on getting it back to where it should be. Meanwhile, Little man has turned into a devil child. He seriously isn't following directions and we have to ask him more than once to do something and usually he ends up in time out. I'm so sick of him not doing what we ask. I know his world has been flipped upside down and that's probably the reason, which causes me to have a huge amount of guilt and I feel so sad that his life is the way it is right now.

I'm really trying to stay optimistic right now but I'm wishing that I could just have my life back. Why did we ever leave FL? I freaking had a job down there and made descent money. We had a nice apartment and I had a car. We had benefits and money to spare at the end of the month. Surprisingly it doesn't seem so bad now. I feel like we were very selfish for coming back here. I'm getting to the point where I'm really pissed. We came back here because our family was here and we were trying to get back to somewhere where we could raise our kids in a better environment but it all back fired.

The last thing on my mind is these last 6-7 pounds that I can't quite shed from having Baby M. The weight came off immediately after having Little man and I think I was expecting the same thing to happen this time. I wasn't mentally prepared for the situation that I'm in currently. I have been running and walking but again with my crazy schedule it's really hard to find time to fit exercise into my day. I know that I must make it a priority for my mental sanity but I'm still working on fitting it in. The one nice thing is that taking 2 kids in the double stroller sure is a nice workout so at least I can do that while R is gone.

I'm sure once I have some time to relax this week that I'll be fine but it's going to be important to work on finding time for exercise. I invited my brother to come down so I can have someone to hang out with. He loves to exercise so I'm hoping that he'll decide to come so I can have an exercise buddy to go on walks with. It will also be nice to be able to get together with my friend T who lives down the street. I feel like I haven't seen her in ages since I've been working. I'm really looking forward to this week and I hope it will be a nice break!