Christmas in Pictures


Our Christmas Tree


The boys in their matching Christmas pajamas

Little man coming inside after spreading his "magic reindeer dust" that he got from preschool (a.k.a. dry oatmeal mixed with glitter)


Little man with his Bakugan's from Santa

Baby M opening his Santa present. He really wasn't the least bit interested in opening presents.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! I will be posting more soon since I have the next week off from work!

Staying

After thinking long and hard I decided that I was going to tell my principal that I wasn't interested in taking over for my coworker going on maternity leave. My plate is really full right now and I can't really add on too much more. She was understanding and I made it clear that I would love to help out but given my situation I just couldn't. She seemed cool about it and hopefully everything will work out.

I'm still not ready for Christmas. My mom was with me shopping this weekend so I couldn't buy for her. I tried to ask her what she wanted for Christmas by phrasing it "so did you give dad a list of the things that you wanted for Christmas?" and she replied, "I shouldn't have to give him a list all you have to do is pay attention throughout the year!" That was the problem with my mom growing up. She would file every little thing we said we wanted into her memory and then we'd end up with gifts that we no longer wanted because as kids you say you want 10 million different things in a given year. I'll never forget the sewing box I ended up with when I was in middle school. I'm sure on a random day when she was sewing I stupidly said I would be interested in a sewing box and she remembered. By the time I opened it I definitely didn't want a sewing box for a gift any more.

My main problem is that I forget....a lot!!! I swear I have a hard time remembering what I had for dinner on any given night. I chalk it up to being so busy and having a lot of things going on but in all reality my memory sucks. Now ask me all about my week at camp in 1992 and I can recall every single detail but I have holes for sure. So why am I bringing all this up???? I can't remember for the life of me things that my mom has mentioned wanting throughout this year. I take that back I do remember her saying she wanted a work out DVD but I'm not sure that's appropriate for a Christmas gift. I feel like that says workout, you're fat. I feel bad because I'm not really good at remembering things that she says she wants but damn I can't remember what I want let alone someone else whom I don't even live with.

This leads me back to the fact that I still have Christmas shopping to do and I'm not sure what to get her. I tried calling my brother to see what he got her but of course he didn't answer his phone. Oh well good thing I have a couple days to figure it out.

In-Law Drama

So I got a text from R this evening telling me that they might come home early because once again his mom is losing it and creating a bunch of drama. I'm not sure if I've mentioned before but she has a mental illness, literally. She's hospitable and great for the first 24 hours and then the clock strikes and she morphs into a freak. She says unnecessary things, cries, acts like a baby, you name it she probably does it, its seriously like dealing with a child. So needless to say I wasn't surprised that things were starting to go south at around 24 hours of them being there. I'm enjoying my time alone, not that I don't miss them, but I would be seriously pissed if they came home early. So I took matters into my own hangs and e-mailed her basically telling her to straighten up because she'll listen to me. I'm really hoping that the rest of their trip is drama free!!!!

This brings me to my next point....why are the majority of in-laws not cool? I think out of all my friends I have one that hit the in-law jackpot. Her in-laws are AMAZING and even I love them to death. They are respectful, kind, loving, they don't overstep their bounds, and the list goes on and on. All of my other friends, including myself, got duds for in-laws that drive us insane, overstep their bounds, act inappropriately, are smothering, rude, etc..... So I'm wondering what are all your in-laws like? I'm sure some of you can relate and others are among the jackpot winners.

So Tired!

I'm about 2/3 of the way through the birth story so that will be posted soon, I promise. I wrote the majority of it in one sitting and then let it sit for awhile so I could be sure to add little details here and there that I forgot. This week has gone pretty good. The past 2 nights though Baby M has been nocturnal so that's been really rough. He sleeps most of the day but then gets really fussy and stack feeds from about 10pm-1am. Last night he didn't settle down for bed until around 3:30am. It makes for a really long day. I always have grand plans to catch a nap here or there but that never really seems to pan out. I can't complain though because I've at least been getting a shower on a daily basis :o)

Little man has been doing really well. He really enjoys preschool! It's been a little over a week since he started and he's already sick though :o( It's just a cold, but I'm really hoping he doesn't pass it kindly to his little bro. Mainly he just has a stuffy/runny nose and coughing a little. R and I have been making it a point to spend individual time with him as well as show him one on one attention with the baby not around. I took him to the neighbors to play yesterday for about an hour and he really enjoyed that. Overall, he's been doing very well and definitely loves his baby bro.

We've been getting a lot of rain lately but we've had some just gorgeous days with cooler temps and sunshine. I've been trying to get out for a walk everyday with Baby M which usually puts him to sleep. Baby M is much feistier than Little man. He's picking up his head for pretty long periods of time for a newborn. He always has his hands up by his face which makes it nearly impossible to feed him. Every time I need to feed him I have to pull his arms down and then the quickly pop right back in front of his face. He his so strong so pulling his arms away feels like I'm going to break him! He's already scooted himself out of his bopp.y.

Feeding has been going pretty well. He's pretty much eating every 2-3 hours but then at night I'm not sure what his deal is because he prefers to be attached to me for 2-3 hours straight from like 10pm-12 or 1am. I guess we're going to try to keep him up more during the day in hopes that he'll sleep more during the night. Prior to the night before last he was sleeping 5-6 hours at a time, still fussy from about 10pm-12am but after that he'd pretty much sleep for a good stretch without waking up too much. I would have to wake him up to feed so I wasn't too uncomfortable. I should have known that was too good to be true.

Well that's all for now. I'm going to work on finishing the birth story today and hopefully get some more pictures posted. We have a really cute one of the four of us.

1 More Day?

Last night I was having period like cramps for most of the night but those have been going on for quite a long time and nothing ever comes of them. My brother decided to go to a baseball game today so we will have to wait 2 hours for my mom to get here if anything happens anyway, so that's kind of annoying. I really wish he would have went home this weekend and "taken a break" and let her come down. He gets very antsy and restless so I figured his contentment would soon be wearing low. Sure enough, I was right! Yesterday he went to watch the baseball game at the bar and was gone for like 6 hours and then today he's actually going to the game with his ex girlfriend so he'll be gone for most of the day.

Tomorrow is my dr's appt. I'm so glad it's so early in the morning so I don't have to wait all day to find out the latest. Hopefully the MD that we are seeing tomorrow will be more level headed and since R will be there with me the appt will go smooth and hopefully we'll feel better about how the end of the pregnancy progresses. I already know that they won't let me go more than a week overdue if I want a VBAC so for sure the 9th will be our cut off, which I am fine with. I've officially entered the "uncomfortable" stage. Though I've stopped gaining weight my belly just feels so heavy and it's getting harder to move. That hasn't stopped me from walking 1-2 miles everyday but it's definitely not as easy as it used to be. If nothing happens before my appt. I'll update after that tomorrow morning. Hope everyone has a GREAT Labor Day!

What We've Been Up To

I feels like forever since I've blogged and so much has gone on since the last post. I'm going to attempt to catch you up on our busy lives.

• My cousin's wedding was last weekend and it went very well. R and I had MUCH MORE responsibility than we realized and were pretty much the wedding/reception managers so we were dead by the end. I thought we were just going to be passing out programs and bubbles but as it turns out we were coordinating when everyone went down the aisle, pinning corsages and boutonnieres on the important people, paying the DJ and cake lady, dropping off my cousin's dress and taking a bunch of other things to the reception site, saying 10 million times, "please sign the guest book, the table to your left if for cards and presents, drinks are inside, appetizers are outside." and the list goes on and on!!!!!!!!!!! It sure was an experience, but we had fun. I think R and I could start a business after our experience :o)
• On Sunday we figured out that Little man gets carsick. About 2 months ago we had fed him dinner in the car on the way to my parents house and as soon as we got here after driving about an hour he threw up all over. I wasn't sure if he was coming down with something or if it was in fact car sickness. On our way home Sunday we stopped for lunch and continued driving for about an hour to go to a birthday party. About 5 minutes from our destination he threw up all over himself and his car seat. He definitely won't be eating and then riding in the car for an extended period of time again. We also now have a vomit bag next to him, "just in case."
• The birthday party was okay. It was my best friend K's daughter's first birthday. First birthdays are always hard because the kid has no idea what's going on and it's more for the adults anyway. We stayed for food and cake and then headed home after a long fun filled weekend.
• We attended our first of two refresher childbirth classes and we were actually practicing the lamaze breathing "hee, hee, hee, who" That part was a bit much. I wanted to attend the class because it includes a lot of information about the hospital and what they have to offer and we get a tour next week so I figured it would be worth our time. We did practice a lot of different relaxation techniques and things we could use to relax so that part was interesting. R and I need to seriously get refresh our memory with the Brad.ley method so we can incorporate that this time. A refresher course for that was just impossible because it's too lengthy and far away.
• R left for Pittsburgh on Tuesday morning. I drove him to a coworker's house at 5:30am so he could ride to the airport with her. My mom came home with us from the wedding weekend so she could watch Little man while we went to the refresher course and then we came back to my parent's house because I didn't want to be alone all week since R is gone and I have to get my dress for the wedding I'm in altered. We have a woman that is really cheap and does a really good job. Rather than finding some unknown person around me and paying an arm and a leg, this worked out since we were going to be here.
• I finished my last class yesterday. I do have a few revisions to make and I have to tie up some loose ends, but for the most part I am DONE with my master's degree!!!!!!!!!!!! It feels very nice!
• My mom is beginning to get on my nerves. It's weird because usually that doesn't happen but today she's been very opinionated and preachy. She's always complaining about the price of gas and the nearest bigger city (by bigger I mean it has a Wal.mart and Tar.get) is about 30 minutes away. Since we were in town I decided that we better hit all the places that we both needed to go because it would be a waste to drive up there anytime soon with gas prices at $4.25 a gallon. It was getting late (near Little man's nap time) and she needed to get a baby gift for her niece so I said "let's just stop at J.C. Penn.ey's since we are in town." She argued that Little man had gone too many places already but I knew he was going to have to go to the bathroom and we had ate lunch not long before so I wanted to stop to kill a little time and use the bathroom. She argued with me but went anyway. Then she picked out several outfits, couldn't decide what to buy, and put them all back, walking out with nothing. For someone who is always complaining about the price of gas and not wasting it, I was pissed that she didn't just pick out a couple cute ones and call it good. Everything was on sale and there were a million cute outfits, but she couldn't decide.

Well I'm sure there is much more that I forgot to write about but I'm sure I've bored you to death with our recent events so I'll write more another time.

Glorious Weekend & Personality Flaw

We had a wonderful weekend. Friday night we went to R's sister's house because he was running in a race on Saturday. R's parents also came so it was a family filled weekend. When we got there is was past Little man's bed time so we let him play a little and got him ready for bed, then headed off with SIL and BIL for dinner. We went to a nice place downtown and had a laid back dinner. Before we knew it time had slipped away and it was almost 12am by the time we got home and actually got in bed.

We woke up early on Saturday morning and the sun was shining and the temps were perfect for running. R's race started at 9:15am so we left about 7:45. He got registered and warmed up while Little man played on a playground nearby. R's parents and SIL and BIL showed up we all got to see R start and take pictures. He ended up taking second place in his age division and won a gift certificate to the local sports store that was a sponsor of the race. Afterwards we stopped at my favorite coffee shop (no coffee for me) for scones and a yummy yogurt/fruit/granola parfait. At 2pm we had a BBQ with some other SIL and BIL's friends and more of BIL's family. It turned out to be a beautiful day. They have a stream in their backyard so we took Little man's bath tub ducks and had a "duck race." He sure got a kick out of that and we adults had a fun time too. R's parents left in the afternoon and we just hung out for the rest of the day. After Little man went to bed we broke out the cards and ended up staying up until near 1am. I was so tired the next day!

We hit up our college town on the way home the next day because I had to pick up a car from my parent's that I'm borrowing this week and tell my brother good bye. He's going to N. Carolina for the summer. The art festival was also happening in town so we went to that for a little bit. My mom and brother were in town buying the gear he needed for his summer job so that's how we ended up meeting them there. We got home exhausted but had a great weekend. Our marriage and interactions went perfectly the whole weekend.

Yesterday is when everything started to fall apart again. I finally realized that we are so damn great together when all the pressure and responsibility is taken out of the mix, but the minute that is added back on, I crack and things end up hitting the fan. I've always been the type to put a lot of pressure on myself and take on more responsibilities or at least create unreasonable expectations for myself. That's part of what's breaking down our marriage. I can't meet the expectations that I'm setting and then take it out on everyone else and get all stressed and crazy. It's to the point where R doesn't even want to be around me and I'm just sick of being this way. It's emotionally, mentally, and physically draining! I'm ruining a great life because I bring this on and then take everyone down with me when I fall short.

I went to counseling before and never really resolved this personality flaw. I know it's not healthy and that it's totally unnecessary, but yet I continue to do it. I see what it's doing to my life but yet I can't seem to stop creating this mess. For the people in my life I want to stop this destructive behavior but I don't know how. I'm supposing this is going to be the topic of our session tomorrow. R is at his breaking point and I don't blame him. He's ready to give up on our marriage and this is pretty much the main reason. Why can't I just chill out and be happy for what we have instead of always freaking out about what expectations I'm not meeting or cracking under the pressure I'm putting on myself? I'm seriously in need of some serious help in order to save my sanity and my life!

Close, Yet so Far Away

As most of you know we were in FL living until this past summer when we moved back to MI to be closer to family. We lived with my parents for about 5 months and were definitely ready to be out on our own, but now we're 2 hours away from my parents and about 3 1/2-4 hours away from R's parents. It seemed closer than when we were in FL but lately it's been feeling just as far away. Sure, we get to see family more than we did when we were living down there but I imagined it to be much more than it's currently playing out to be. My mom left today and everything seemed to just go down the drain! I can't even pinpoint what exactly it is, but things just seem to go MUCH better when she's here. Little man was flipping out left and right today, peed all over his cloth living room chair, hit me in the eye and knocked out my contact, had the biggest meltdown to date when we were grocery shopping, and I've just been emotional through out all of it. It was so much easier with my mom here to help. It actually made our daily tasks, such as playing outside more enjoyable because there was someone to actually talk to and spend time with.

I guess maybe it's coming down to the fact that I don't have a car and I feel like a prisoner in my own home. It was so nice having her here and having a car to go places in, take for my dr. appt, and just being able to get out and about farther than what I could walk on foot around our subdivision. Maybe it's also setting in that I'm going to have TWO and no car!!! Not that I want to take two out by myself anyway because Little Man is such a handful but I feel like I'm going to be more trapped having two kids in the house all day long by myself. I just got to thinking this weekend that some people have their parents down the street or very close and I'm beginning to wish that were the case in my life. I know, two hours isn't that far and I shouldn't be complaining but it's really been feeling like WAY too far lately.

On a good note R and I got to socialize a lot this weekend. We went to the neighbor's house and played cards on Friday night until WAY too late. It was fun but I could have used some more sleep! Last night, my good friend had a couples Euch.re party with a white elephant gift swap afterwards and that was SO much fun! We had such a good time. It started early so we actually got home by 10pm, which was nice so I could get a reasonable amount of sleep. Oh and I came in 2nd in the tournament so that was cool, although it was just luck.