Friday

I can't believe that it's already Friday! I've certainly got a lot done this week and have more tasks on my "to do" list today. I haven't been feeling any different. The ending of this pregnancy feels like when you are single and desperately looking for a boyfriend because you've been single way too long and everyone around you has a significant other. So not everyone around me has a new baby but the connection feels like I felt my senior year of college.

I know I sound desperate but let me fill you in on the ending of my college years. I had a long distance boyfriend when I went away to college, J and he was from a small town near mine. We met after graduation despite me wanting to "go to college single." I was an 18 year old girl that was flattered that a cute boy showed interest and it gave me something to do the summer before I went away to school. I started the relationship with full intention to break it off before I left but yeah right, who can do that. So we dated until mid way through my sophomore year when things were just not going well and we broke up, later to begin dating again the summer after my sophomore year. I'm guessing we were both lonely and dating again seemed like a good idea at the time, but surprise, surprise it wasn't a good idea and it didn't last. So a few months into my junior year we broke up for good.

I was single for the rest of my junior year and all of my senior year well into the fall of my teaching internship, so total about 2 years. Now that's a long time when you are a needy girl seeking a guy for support. You start asking yourself "what's wrong with me?" etc.... Well looking back I had serious guy issues from the fact that my father sucked as a dad, I was drinking WAY too much (which I'm sure was attractive to men, yeah right), and I was thinking and obsessing about it ALL THE TIME. My friends told me over and over "It will happen when you least expect it" and to calm down and stop seeking it out. I dated a few guys here and there but nothing that developed in a boyfriend. I spent so much time obsessing and trying to "get a guy" that I feel like I missed out on a lot, but hey hindsight is 20/20.

That's the way this pregnancy feels. I'm obsessing about it so much and I know that I just need to chill out and enjoy the time and be patient. Which can I just say I was totally planning on doing prior to R losing his job. I actually love being pregnant and prior to that incident I was totally cool with being patient and going over due. I didn't have anything to lose and I deeply want this baby to come on it's own anyway. Now I feel like there's some timeline, which is my own fault because I'm putting myself on an imaginary timeline. I really want my 6 week check up to be covered by insurance so I keep telling myself that if I have this baby soon then there won't be an issue and it will be covered. When in all actuality who cares. The birth will be covered and we'll just cross the 6 week check up bridge when we come to it and work something out. R actually has a meeting with his boss in a few hours and that's when they finalize the details. Pray for insurance through October!!!!!!! In the mean time I'm going to chill out and focus on my tasks and let this baby decide when he's going to arrive.

Oh and back to the boyfriend thing, my friends were right. It did happen when I least expected it to, a tailgate Saturday in October of 2002 in a bar. It was raining and miserable outside that day but as die hard football/tailgating fans my friends and I were out there at the break of dawn to start drinking and hanging out having a good time. By mid morning we were cold and soaked so I went back to my apartment and met my friend D who came into town. We decided to go to a bar downtown, mind you I looked like hell because I was in a baggy sweatshirt and had been soaked so my hair was really not looking great. The bar was crazy but my friends were there so we stood by them and had a few drinks. Shortly a bar stool right next to them opened up so D went to take it just as my now husband R went to take the same stool. R was with his friend and the four of us started a conversation. My friends ended up leaving and D and I went with R and his friend to another bar and then out for pizza. They walked us back to my apartment and he asked for my phone number. He called the next day and the rest is history........